I've known them too long, as a couple, as partners. Whenever we attend parties, you can see them either in one corner or talking to other people. But they were there... together... with much bliss that can't be illustrated even by picasso. I am used to it. Everyone is used to it. I see them almost every month together, not once one of them attended a party without the other. And then that changed. It's been countless times that she went to our place, alone. She had a smile on her face but it's different. I began to wonder why is he not around for a number of times. I asked her twice, she said he's working overseas. I don't know why I could not believe it. But something tells me that there's something wrong. But I let it pass. I wanted to ask but I can't just do that.
Yesterday, after our usual party-till-dawn event, she approach me. She told me everything. They can't be together now for some reasons. Tears kept flowing down my eyes. I can't help it. It's as if I was there watching her in pain, but I couldnt help her. I felt her pain. I know the feeling. And i know how hard it is. But pain varies for every person no matter how she or he can carry it. She's brave. I saw those eyes full of anguish but I see God's strength. They've been together for 6 years. I never thought things like this will happen just like that. I know things happen for a reason. I know that GOD has always something better for all of us. I know everything will turn out fine. But it's never easy to carry out so much pain. I've experienced it and yet the wisdom that this pain have thought me years ago just vanished. Instead I felt the grief that I once endure. I have not given her enough strength. I just sat there silently, weeping, responding only when she needs it. But I think, none of what I said, helped her. I wanted to but I wasn't strong enough. She's even stronger than me.
Things like these aren't new to my ears. They've been there all along, making it happen, making me realize, making me feel how things are when it comes to these kinds of predicament. But when it happens to you or to the people you love and cared about, you felt the twinge of pain as much as they are feeling it. It saddens me why some people have to endure pain such as this. Why things like this happen? Why do good people have to endure such agony? I know GOD will never leave her. It is not GOD who planned these things. Done by the people who never cared at all. Done by some who for some reason was trapped with choices. I don't know what I believe in right now. I don't know if being cynic about love will make a difference. I don't know if it'll be the same if I don't love much. I'm sad even if there's a lot of things that brings me bliss every second of my life. I felt alone even if I have the people around me who do everything to make me feel loved and important. I've been locking myself up in a place where there are no friends who could hurt me. Only GOD, my family and bebikoh matters to me. But sometimes it upsets me knowing that I love and value few friends but I don't know if I have made a way to let them know that.
Its true that a friend's agony will always be a ghost in you. Afraid of what you may become when you're at her shoes, maybe? Or losing trust to the ONE who could only give you strength? Im being sad and pathetic. But this is what I feel. This is my blog anyway. It'll go away sooner or later. I know it's not suppose to be a sad day or something bec it's heart's day, but I so can't help it. For now, thanks for listening, errr, reading...
