first time

it's like being here in singapore for the first time. that feeling of standing on your own and doing every possible way to know your way out of the dark dungeon. someone might yell the way out but you still have to find it at your own risk, at your own time, at your own expense. a month had passed and im still as blind as an owl. i couldn't find the energy to go to work because none of it is a challenge - a nightmare maybe. i have neglected few good things in my life that for the past six years i've really enjoyed doing. now at my leisure time, all i wanna do is lie and think about how i dreaded Mondays. i felt like quitting every tick of the clock. i felt like ignoring the good things it'll do to me and my family at the end of each month just to save my ass for 22 days of being naive and seeing a lot of question marks around my head. i knew i was happy back then but i had to decide what matters most to myself and my future. now, i am not sure if i am having regrets with the decision i made 50 days ago. most good friends says it's what human calls "adjustments". if it is, why the hell it took so long for my system to identify and absorb the reality of where i am now? i guess i don't really hate where my decision had brought me. maybe, i just detest the notion of me in an idiocy state.