today is the day that you'll say goodbye. im so sorry that i can't be there to even see your beauty for the last time. now, there'll be no more "next time, i'll visit her" or any planning of some sort for me. is it our fault that we never make a way to see or visit you? but i know you'll understand. not that we don't want to see you, we regret that. we just thought that it's best to keep the shield around us so we won't be reminded of the pain of the past. i know you'll be happy now where you'll be going. bye 'la. totoo pala. those who've caused you pain were the ones that's so hard to let go of. maybe this sadness that i feel isn't just because you're gone. maybe this is because i was hoping somehow that before you go, someone will take the responsibility of saying sorry. maybe this is because i know that he's all alone now and no one will accept whatever things he do but you. maybe this is because i'll miss whatever memories you installed *atleast in me*.
i like to be nostalgic at times. reminisce the memories - the good ones - that is. reminds me of the things that makes me look forward to something even at a young mind. like the weekly visit to your house that daddy and i did back then. growing up in a very small lair, and almost everyday of nothing grand to eat, with a one peso in my pocket as my biggest treasure, going to your place is really one of the best ones that i always look forward too. you have the grandest house in mayon, with a garden and numbers of beautiful dogs. your air conditioned room with lolo's picture hanging on the wall. with beautiful headboard and martha-stewart-like pillows and bedsheet. of course, your kitchen that never runs out of anything to eat. and not just anything but those you only find in the rich people's kitchen. fruits at the dinner table. box of goldilocks cake that i only had a slice whenever there's a really special occassion. chocolates. juice. lechon. and whenever we visit you there, you always go out of your room and head to the kitchen to prepare these grand foods for us. i remember the time i kept a few chocolates in my pocket just to give it to my mom. you have this chair that's only meant for u, placed at the corner of the dinner table near the window where you can see your garden. and when it's time for us to go home, you always give me money even if it's only enough for me to buy candy for all my kalaro, aside from the food and supot ng makopa that daddy picked for me from your tree. i always keep a big one peso coin and give it to you in exchange of five pesos. whenever you have to go to albularyo's and daddy and i go with you, we don't eat at just any place. we always eat at aristocrat or maxs. and whenever you walk out of the house, you're always at your best. always wearing the shade of brown dress. the way you plant your kiss on my cheeks is something that reminds me of you. all my memries of you that i kept in my heart were those that made me smile and somehow make myself believe that i am really your apo. and whatever happens in the past years, i threw some of them. it's like now that you're gone, i felt like reminiscing what just happen months ago not decades ago. and i prefer it this way. i cried so much when i heard from mom that you're gone maybe because i've nurtured that memory inside me for a long time. you see, it's not just a memory with you in there, but memory filled of times that im bonding with daddy. it's one of the best times of my life :)
paalam 'la. i know you're happy where you are now.
