today is the 2nd day. many of us still can't believe she's gone. many of us wanted to believe that it never happen, that she's now home taking care of baby coby. close or not, it's a big shock just to know she's gone at the age of 27 or 28. to know how she never even got to half of a full life in this world. i don't know which one makes my heart ache - the things I've said about her or because i cant imagine the pain of the family she left behind especially our good friend bogs. now, i guess it would take years before we see the smile on his face, the excitement and happiness whenever he tells us his plans about his baby and wife. it's all sudden. I'm not related to any of them. i don't even know E's maiden name at first. i don't even know E that much. having said that i wonder why did i cried so much the moment i heard the news and why do i still feel lump in my throat and get teary eyed every time i remember E’s gone now and knowing how my friend bogs is taking it. it’s just so sad :( really really sad.
why do extreme pain like this happen to good people? wait no, i guess i don’t want to hear any other answer to that question. because honestly, the answer that I'm looking for and the only answer that i wanted to hear is this –> “wait, I'm sorry. this kind of pain shouldn't happen. you don’t deserve it. let’s click a bit of rewind.” and then voila, everything is back to how it should be. no pain. i don’t like pain in any form as much as i hate heartaches. i don’t like the words “everything happens for a reason” or “it will make you strong” because let me tell you this, i don’t think making someone so weak by hitting them so hard in their chest makes them stronger. and wait, stronger for what? another heartache? and what could be that most wonderful reason that this thing has to happen? i’m not being cynical or anything. i guess, this is the only thing in life that i really really don’t understand. my faith is still intact, don’t worry. i just can’t seem to see the clarity of the reason why this has to happened. :(
Bogs, i don’t have the best of sympathy words to say. i don’t know how much pain you felt right now. let your heart cry out. let it bleed. let it feel the pain. let it numb. eventually, somehow, somewhere, it will heal. it might take you forever but you’ll find the intensity of it all gradually diminishing. keep the love and your memories with E alive. be sad when you feel the stab again. you’ll feel happiness again because you deserver it. and we are all praying for it. may God give you much strength to endure this. you have so many friends grieving with you and praying for you. i hope you’ll make it through. GOD BLESS.
E, we may have not shared a moment together but I feel like i know so much about you because of bogs. if you’re still here, i would tell you how much he loves you. he doesn’t say it to us, but i know he does. he talk so much about you. how you love to buy clothes and hang them in your closet which after few days, tags are still intact. how you love small cute little things. how he go out of his way to buy the 10 bucks worth of box with cutesy girly stuff in it just because he knows you like it. how he was so happy when you found out your pregnant. and the worried look on his face each time he tells us about some minor implications on your pregnancy. how he can’t stop telling us his plan of bringing you and baby back here in singapore. take care of bogs and baby while you’re away. i know you will guide them forever. you’re a great loss in this world. your smile and pretty face will never be forgotten. we’ll miss you terribly.
