Sentiments

there was a time in my life that i felt the joy and pain of being a parent to my siblings. more of like the "father" since i was there with them financially and not at times they really needed someone. i couldn't even say that i've been a sister to them since i never really knew them for that long. and i couldn't say that im proud of any of it. i was just trying to play the part that God asked me to. i don't even feel like i have the "authority" to tell them what's good and what's not for their life. but sometimes when they did a decision in their life, i had this feeling that i thought they owe me something - at least shaping their life into what you think is best for them. and when it's going the other way around, i felt cheated or moreso HURT. i guess, i have to accept the fact that what i thought would make them happy isn't really making them happy. they have their own life to live just as i had mine. im just praying hardly to God to be with them and guide them every step of the way just as He did to me. I'm not saying my life is perfect now. but i somehow had that notion that i passed what was expected of me. if it's hard for me, it must be million times for my mom. i wish cheska will go easy on me when she grows up.