Interview

When one favorite of mine like blogging was deserted, that means im in a total mess at the moment. Ive been juggling my time from refreshing myself from the projects ive done to prepping myself for the most hated part of my existence - JOB INTERVIEW. I had two and still have one tomorrow which im really dreading to go to. I just hope JOB INTERVIEW were not like this. Each one's dreading to sell themselves trying to make a good impression in just 45mins. Im just really hoping and praying really really hard to GOD that at least one from the two interviews I've had will get me huhuhu. Please please, pretty please. I hope this time He'll put me somewhere I really belong. Well, those 3 months wasn't wasted actually. My oracle was refreshed. At least now I can put something 'oracle-y' to my resume. Sigh. Now that my end is about to come in just 2 days, my mind's really not at it's peace mode. I worry about lot of things. But, yes, looking back to those days that I've been like this, God had never left me for one tiny sec. Three wonderful occasion that I'm really excited about was set aside just because of this. Well this one is much more important than the said events. Another sigh.

Reverie

Being in bed for the whole day yesterday, I tried at least to steal a sleep from the @#%$@%^ pain that I had. Every month! Never missed even one single f***ing month! And funny thing is I never get used to it. Darn! Oh sorry. This is not what this blog is about. Have to forget about this.

Anyway, some b2b's (bride-to-be) almost instantly tells you they had weird dreams about their wedding even if it's still a year away. Weird in a way that they have been doing the preparations for a year and their dreams turned out to be a disaster like you never even bother to do one single task. Mine's different. Maybe it has something to do with me browsing the wedding pictures of some w@wies. With them walking down the aisle with their dear parents. This worries me maybe because my parents have been seperated for almost 14 years now. Our family just got complete last year for the sake of my first Christmas in the Philippines since Ive been away. Nothing much to say to go into details of what happened after that because there's none. Now, that one thing in my life that's so important to me will be happening in exactly 9 months time, my Mom asked me if Im going to invite him. Invite him to be my father on my wedding day? Funny hehe but as far as I can remember, during my simple debut party at our home hosted by my nanay (my auntie on mother's side), he wasn't invited but he was there outside our home. He wasn't able to go inside because most of our relatives, mother's side, especially my mom, wouldn't allow him. I was feeling a lot of emotions that time. Happy that he went to see me inspite of what happened. Sad that he was there but he wasn't really. Angry too for what he did. But I still went out to see him and thank him for coming. I just don't exactly remember if I brought food for him. But this is one thing that I like about my mom. Through her pain, she never even once told us to hate our father. Or to never speak to him again. And now, that this wedding is going to happen, the decision is up to me only. Yesterday, I had a reverie that I was in the philippines. Then I saw him on the street walking, to which I casually told him about my wedding and he's invited. That's it. I woke up after that. No drama or action effect. But I am not sure why I had a dream like this when i've already decided that I will be inviting him. Hmmmm.

The Terminal Man

"A match may start a fire, but once the fire is burning, putting out the match won't stop the fire. The problem is no longer the match. It's the fire." - The Terminal Man by Michael Crichton

When it rains, it pours

I haven't got over yet with my "personal" problem just this weekend and now my Monday seems to be starting on a very "lovely" one. Oh yes, im being sarcastic. When I opened the mail that I got from our mailbox last friday it brought me into panic mood. At least, i'm a bit thankful that my weekend didn't get much heavier from the thing that im carrying on my back for 2 nights. Nope, it doesn't end there. When I got to the office while reading my tons of emails, someone, with a higher position i think, from my work approached me. It was regarding the dilemma I had few weeks ago. Thought it was settled - but I was wrong. She talked to me and explained to me in a really nice way that they were letting me go. Because apparently there's some problems or miscommunication with the job requirement when i applied here. Simply put, they require someone who can do scripting in oracle (which she said I can do), deployment of web applications (also I can do), but what they really need is someone who can do testing and MF (which I couldn't and don't have the experience). I told her that it's fine with me and will tender my resignation letter as soon as i had a word with my team leaders and my agent. Now, I've sent an email with the 3 persons involve and just waiting for whatever they have in mind. What more could make this day seem interesting? I received an sms from the owner of our condo telling me of his plans of selling it. Which means, we will be moving out in time. Sigh! What do I feel now? Nothing. Maybe. Or it hasn't reached the bottom part of me yet. Sometimes i think it's true that you get numb when one quandary removes the Y replacing it with IES in the end. Oh well, a lovely day indeed. Bummer.

The Y's of Luv

Why do our heart ache from something that no matter what you did to forget it, it's still there after all? Why isn't there any remedy for BS things like this? Why do we always tend to stay in the abyss of compassion and longingness for someone were not even sure if they know we still exist and suffering, if that could help? Why does love have to be so complicated? Why doesn't people with great power and knowledge who can invent a lot of things haven't think of a cure for heartaches? Im sure it'll be a best seller. I have tons of questions that I'm not sure if someone better could give me an answer. I alone couldn't think of anything to my friend to alleviate what she's going through. I think, if you asked me, world would be a better place if someone could stay in love for too long to just one person. Sorry, I am not being judgemental or righteous for that matter. I do believe people could fall in love to someone at the wrong time. I don't believe that there's such a thing as right or wrong love. I believe in love - period. But it's just one wish that I hope would be granted. To let people be in love for just one and not find themselves in the chasm of painful heartaches. Or cause heartache to someone when they're not sure of what they feel towards the other. I hope she'll get over it and be strong no matter how long she've tried to forget. Nth years ago, I thought it was something she could forget over a bottle of vodka (even she doesn't drink that much) but now I believe how she strongly feels for that person. No matter how much I wanted to say - things would get better - i knew it wouldn't do anything, only God knows WHEN things would be in its proper place. Cheer-up!

The magic of YM

Up until now it amazes me how modern technology had helped people like me to get in touch with people we don't usually see. This day, I've chat with 2 people who've, well, imprint part of their personality in my system. Special child ba. The latter I've last seen was the day before I left Manila for Singapore and since then we never had much time to talk even through email or any kind of communication. We never had that chance to see each other again even through my occassional visits in Manila for some reasons. Now with my status "sniff" *because I got colds*, a familiar nick appeared on my screen with a hint of concern about my status. I didn't know people still care. Through our conversation of how are you's and how things are with each other, those last words on my screen made me smile and thank God that somehow I've managed to save a few friends and special people in my bucket. That phrase "I'll never forget you" seem so sweet to read. This matters because I'm a person diagnosed with a KSP disease and hard-to-please infection. I look like I never care for someone who doesn't give a damn about me but always, at the end of the day i still do... really. (It's already 5 and Im still wide awake! Arrgghhh!)

Happy 2nd, JACCR!

'Tis the month of October again and for the second year, I'm celebrating the masterpiece on my skin. Happy second birthday ankh! Happy birthday jaccr! I feel guilty everytime mom asked me why it never wear off. I guess she had the idea already but doesnt want to admit hehe.

The Departed

Due to stress in the office, I asked bebe if we could watch a movie. This is my medicine when im in stress or feeling sad or wala lang hehehe. Bebit were kind enough to text me if I want to join the group because they planned on watching "Sukob" which I decline as fast as my eyes blink. I really hate horror movies. But Im proud that tagalog movies made it here in singapore. You can't just force me to watch it - yes, kahit pa free! We watched The Departed and I'll say that this is one of the great movies that I really can recommend to all my friends though not for the faint of heart. I don't exactly know how to tell how good a movie is without telling the story so let me just say that this is something worth every cent of what you've paid. Even for that popcorn and hotdog. I literally had asthma attack after the movie. Not exaggerating. Big stars are in it - Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin - and they all did a very good convincing job in portraying their roles. Especially Jack Nicholson. This is one movie that I'll be watching over and over again - after checking my pulse and heart rate first. Oh, by the way, did I mention that this was co-produce by Brad Pitt? *drool* So get up on your ass now and buy yourself a ticket and watch it! I am really glad how we both love watching movies. Wag lang talaga horror! 'Love you man!

first time

it's like being here in singapore for the first time. that feeling of standing on your own and doing every possible way to know your way out of the dark dungeon. someone might yell the way out but you still have to find it at your own risk, at your own time, at your own expense. a month had passed and im still as blind as an owl. i couldn't find the energy to go to work because none of it is a challenge - a nightmare maybe. i have neglected few good things in my life that for the past six years i've really enjoyed doing. now at my leisure time, all i wanna do is lie and think about how i dreaded Mondays. i felt like quitting every tick of the clock. i felt like ignoring the good things it'll do to me and my family at the end of each month just to save my ass for 22 days of being naive and seeing a lot of question marks around my head. i knew i was happy back then but i had to decide what matters most to myself and my future. now, i am not sure if i am having regrets with the decision i made 50 days ago. most good friends says it's what human calls "adjustments". if it is, why the hell it took so long for my system to identify and absorb the reality of where i am now? i guess i don't really hate where my decision had brought me. maybe, i just detest the notion of me in an idiocy state.

Juanang Tamad

If only I could just stay at home
watch movie or sleep all day
surf the net or redecorate our room
finish my scrapbooks and album our photos

If only I could just wake up when i want to
and feel the sheets in my bed
call up all my friends I've missed
and chat all day long

If only I could just shop all the things I want
and frantically take all that glitters
ill buy bags and clothes and shoes
all of them under designer labels

If only I could just choose things i want
like who to work for and what kind of job to do
my time won't be wasted and boring as hell
each would be spent on a meaningful things

If only I could just be contented
with all the things around me
and be thankful that i have a job
that feeds my family and myself

I guess im only yearning for a rest
just like everybody else
a time for my family
and a time for myself
enough to fill up all the time i've missed
until it satiates the emptiness within

solitary world

it took me so long to blog about my new work. nothing much to say about it except rants. sigh! now, after 3 weeks of adjusting to my new environment, it suddenly came into me. i miss my hadaba life. i miss my friends. i miss everyone there. i miss all the auntie's selling kikay stuffs. i miss the merienda. i guess, i need ample time to adjust to where i am now. its peaceful but its kinda lonely. sigh and more sigh. nevertheless, i don't regret or hope for things to get back to its normal state because it is what was given to me. all i need is a space to change the channel to set it to another mood.

#lonli, im miss lonli. i heb nobadi tu kollll my ownnnnnnn

All about friendship

it's very rare that someone used up big words, pure adjectives, all good things about me. i used to be that person too. showing what i truly feel about someone but few storms have washed away that attitude of mine. few have taken notice of the reasons why i care so much about the friendship. now, i thank GOD for there still are people who values friendship like i did last time. I may have been holding of what I truly feel, but GOD knows how much that friendship has been and will always be appreciated by me. Thank you friends. Thank you bebit for that article. It did made me shed a tear. Haylafyu!

Day One in Manila

I woke up as early as I can for my early flight. Don't wanna be late :) This should be a good day to start things because at this same date next year, i will be saying my vows, finally! Now, where was I? Oh, I reached Changi more than an hour before my scheduled flight but i think i was not the only one who planned to start their day right. My suppose to be plan of having breakfast at the McDonalds didn't happen. I couldn't find the freaking man waving, so I opt for a cup of hot chino wif choco muffins at the coffee bean. Ahhhh, the perks of being an early bird. I slept through the entire flight and just woke up when its time for us to land.

It was great seeing my Mom and sis kendz again after 8 months. We went to market market and had lunch at Jabee which bebe's cute niece adores so much. All of us, tatay, nanay, bebe, rein, mom, and kendz had fun eating at Jabee. It's always known how much we, people working overseas, crave for Jabee the moment we set our foot on the ground of manila. I ordered 2-pc chicken for myself and an extra palabok but never got the chance to eat the palabok. Takaw mata kasi. We went home after the hearty lunch. When we got home, I was surprised by the "new-look" of the house. Though, it's still rented, it has now the look and feel of a real home. I just hope someday, I could finally buy my Mom her own lair. Sana lang. Due to lack of sleep, Mom and me dozed off the entire afternoon. Tsk sayang yung araw. When we woke up, my two lovely sisters were already home. Mom cooked a fried tilapia that I lovingly requested for dinner hehe. After dinner, we watched a tagalog movie that stars my crush Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga. I never get this super kilig while watching movies. At one part of the movie, I saw all my three sisters crying, of course i am too. I turned to my mom and told her, "Ano po ba tong mga anak nyo napaka-iyakin lahat!". My mom sniffs, and said, "Oo nga eh", then wipe her tears with her hanky, hahahaha. I thought she wasn't 'mababaw ang luha'. May pagmamanahan talaga! We went to Tia Maria in Malate afterwards. Ronel, a long time good friend followed. The day ends up really good as I've prayed it would. It's good to have a taste of beer especially when it's cheap hehehe =) Day One is over.

Last Day

Some things gotta end no matter how much you still wanted to stay. Factors arise and you have to make a decision. My last day's today after six years of doing programming and making friends. I enjoyed all the surprises during my birthday which was 5 days ago and now my friends still did something nice for me as a parting gift. We had lunch at the McDonalds, of course with free desserts, and before we eat our food, they showed me a video of me with their messages - all of them. Nobody noticed but I almost cried. I have held back my tears not wanting to be too emotional about the situation. But I really really appreciate all that they've done for me. I must have done something right to deserve this kind of friendship but in as much as I wanted to remember, I've done nothing. Maybe I was wrong when it comes to friends. There still are good ones after all. I have acquired a lot of friends during my stay in Hadaba and though most of them have completely forgotten me or got busy with their new work, they still have made me feel how great it is to have friends. And I can't feel anything but be glad with this kind of blessing. The day ended with goodbyes to almost everyone. It's really sad to leave everything good behind. My boss gave me a parting gift as well as my Indian teammate. It was really sweet of them. I almost cried when I hugged Inay and Bebit. I know we still got a lot of chance to see each other but the reality hits me that i'll never see their faces every morning. I'll never get the chance to share a tsismis with them. And joked with them. Have lunch with them. Sigh. Inay, Itay, Bebit, Cuz and me had dinner at Pizza Hut and said our final goodbyes afterwards. I didn't let myself drowned from loneliness. I still have something to look forward to - like spending time with my family in manila even for only a couple of days. Tenchu frenjies, for adding memories to my life.

The Big Day

Tomorrow will be a big leap for me. A big deal to me. Saying goodbye to six years of my work, my table, my boss. Hardest part is saying adieu to friends I've shared so many memories with. Jologz, Pitibifor, my noypi colleagues. It's really hard to let go of things you've grown to love with and have been comfortable with especially when you're having a great time. I never intended to be sentimental but i think i am starting already! Darn wine. I hate change. I hate crossroads. I hate leaving my lair. But you always know you have to. Today might not be the right time, but someday you gotta have to. So saddd. *sniff*

Friendster Update

*Sorry prenjie have to blog this. Event of the century ata to!*

I have been flooded lately with so many events in my life neglecting some of the things that could connect me to my friends. Like friendster. One time, a friend called me wednesday afternoon, telling me he'll be working in singapore and will be coming over sunday same week. I said why didn't he told me earlier to which he said he left a message on my frienster. Darn friendster. I almost totally forgot about it due to blogging. Anyway, I logged in again last night *or was it morning already*, read the messages (wow, ang dami pala nag-greet sa kin nung birthday ko, thanks! u guys), accept requests, accept testimonials, and of course browse through my friends pictures. I never had the chance to change the pictures on my friendster, I guess Im focusing much on my blog. I saw my buntso's profile. Aba, with Sam Milby my crush! Akalain mo nga naman. My sweet little baby had grown up and looks like she's having the most out of her teenage life. And Im so glad. The things that I never had the courage to do when I was her age, she's doing it now and enjoying every detail of it, Im sure. Oh well, can't be too sentimental about it. I'll be seeing them on Friday, yippeee! After my buntso, I checked on my two pretty sweeties too. Looks like they're as busy as ate hehe. I checked on my closest friends. Shocked was registered on my face. Ok im exaggerating. But I was, really framis. He's in a relationship now! With someone I know! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeee! I was shocked bec I've seen him so down in the past and I know most of it, and this thing that have given him happiness I only learn about it from friendster??? *tampo* Not that it matter hehe, still, Im very much happy for him. *I called him this morning to ask about it. Better ask the source itself than asking other people* Oh well, 2006 is really a good year for most of us. Congrats again, my dear good friend. Another answered prayer for me. God bless! =) Distance may be too much, certain things may have happened, but always remember that I will always be your friend no matter what.

Huwaw

I just remembered that this year was the first in six years that i didn't have any birthday party. Huwaw!

A surprise birthday cake

I asked the help of the two macho man - Ulrik and Bossing - to help me in taking all my "office trash" home. Thank you Ulrik and Boss and Ycay for the help! From home, we went to gluttons bay to meet Cuz Eram and Kulet. We had dinner and surprisingly, I've managed to finished the small prawn mee with my favorite barbequed chicken wings, yum! Wow, i'm really that hungry. After the dinner, cuz and kulet take out their surprise for me - a chocolate birthday cake - yipeeeeee! Tenchu tenchu! Im really really touched. Alafyu! Of course, this blog won't be complete without a picture or two of the event to help us conjure what really happen that time hihi. Buti na lang, taking pictures is Boss' and Ulrik's new hobby. Willing model! *taas kamay* Tomorrow, I'll add pictures of me, eram and kulet :)

Fringe.... not!

Lorena invited me to join her for hair colouring since one salon is offering a promotion of two for the price of one. So I decided to check on my favorite model - Jennifer Aniston - where she had one hair color that's a little subtle. Instead of finding aniston, I found myself flipping the pages of cosmopolitan and found cindy kurleto. Perfect color and a fringe! I tear off the page and took it to the salon. It's not like I've thought about it a thousand times, I just thought of it after I saw it hehe. I got bored with the way my hair has been, so I guess taking another style wont hurt. Bebit had it, my buntso had it, my inay had a new hairstyle, and nobody got hurt haha, so I guess it won't hurt me either. Honestly? No regrets, framis, but I am just wishing and crossing my fingers that bebe will like it, and of course my friends. I just hope all of them will honestly tell me if it looks good or not. Oh well, even if it's not, that part of my hair was already down the drain.

From salon to mass to dinner at eian's place, another day had passed. I survived 2 days of being alone in our room. *sana walang mumu*

Is it over?

You know how blessings in your life keeps on pouring that you dreaded the moment it will drown you?

Last night, upon ending another wonderful day celebrating my birthday, i lie beside bebe and got a little sentimental. I guess too much happiness, a painful dysmynorrhea, bebe leaving for manila for 2 weeks causes my tear glands to really open hehe. I slept through it all and woke up the next morning in a real hurry. Bebe's flight was 7.50 AM via Jetstar and we woke up 6.30. I don't know how we got to the airport. Everything is a blur. It's already time to say goodbye. Maybe it's how things works for me. When I get used to something and got comfortable with it, it always makes me uber sad when a little change suddenly came up. Or maybe it just saddens me that i'll be going through a big leap in my life and my "human cushion" won't be there to pat my back on my first day?

Oh, speaking of first day, I went through a lot of job interviews, taking a really big decision of saying adieu to my six years of stay in hadaba and to my friends, since month of August started. I have held myself from getting too excited from the wedding preparations and made myself focused on what has to be done first. I've lost one interview that also made me cry because i really thought that i was hopeless and my confidence seems to lost its way back to me since the day i set my foot in hadaba. But as always, GOD had made his point again of letting me know that everything is in HIS hands not mine. Now, I just signed my contract to a new job. Although only 6 months of contract, what they do in their project is what i really wanted to learn. Im guilty of the white lies ive told to my boss and new employer but only bec i wanted to go back to manila for a while. And i've succeed! Yipeee. My hadaba days will end on the 31st of august, ill be in manila from 1 to 6 of september and on the 7th, ill be facing new people and new challenges. I hope that day would be a lucky one for me and everything will go smoothly.

After signing the contract *feeling artista*, we (Eian, Lorena and me) went to Marina and played bowling. We had fun playing two games and ended up our girl's night out with a sweet cravings of Max Brenner.

Day 1 without bebe - survived! Misyah still, bebe.