Humbled

Feel so sad at the moment...

Everyday I tried my best to find time and watch the news. I know for some people who were still missing due to tsunami, hope will always be there. I feel their pain but compare to what they were facing, it's just a diminutive of what they have experience. Every night since that tsunami started, I shed tears. The number of dead bodies increasing, the number of people wailing putting up the littlest of hope that somehow amidst of the pile of the dead bodies they would see their family. Seeing the children lifeless, who will never had the chance to see what future lies ahead of them, breaks my heart. The whole world is watching. All aches for them. All longs to help. But up to what extent? Soon, the whole world will go back to its everyday life. But the people will always face the nightmare of what they've been through. They will live their second chance of life wondering how they'll get over the past. I, myself will go back to my own. Sure, I will never forget what the December 26, 2004 tragedy have brought us. But will I still think of the survivors? Of the Children? I don't know what's my point here. Im sentimental and that's my excuse! Maybe, programming is not really my thing. Anyway, a friend of mine shared to me this wonderful piece. A bit long but worth it. Read on...

HUMBLED BY NATURE'S POWER by William Rees-Mogg of The Times
WE SHALL never know how many people have been killed by the great tsunami in the Indian Ocean. No doubt the number of identified casualties will continue to rise, but there will be many more who are missing and there will be grieving families who gradually have to give up hope

This is a human tragedy on a huge scale, caused by the action of Nature rather than Man. It is said to be the worst earthquake in 40 years. Yet in its scale, and in the mixture of damage from the earthquake itself, and that done by the sea, it is the most awe-inspiring earthquake that has happened in a lifetime. No previous earthquake I can remember, has destroyed property and killed people across a whole ocean

The earthquake itself is said to be 1,000km in length; the seabed was opened up as though by a zip fastener; this event threw up a gigantic wave three storeys high, which travelled for thousands of kilometres

One can understand what happened as a result of the stress between two continental plates, but one can hardly imagine it. The force generated must have been as great as that of a thousand nuclear bombs; no doubt that can be estimated and will be.

It is not only the level of casualties that impresses human consciousness. We are accustomed to millions being killed in major wars - even the Iran-Iraq war, of which the world took surprisingly little notice at the time, caused well over a million deaths.

Aids kills by the millions each year in Africa alone and has killed a total of tens of millions already.

When all the figures are added up, it looks as though the tsunami may have killed a few tens of thousands. The statistics in themselves are not what shock us. It is the scale and force of the event, and its geographic character. If such an earthquake happened in Europe, we would be able to trace the fault from London to Rome, or to Berlin.

If a tsunami 10m high stormed its way up the Thames, half of London would be under water.

If such an earthquake ripped through the San Andreas fault in California, it would virtually tear the state in two, and cause trillions of dollars worth of damage.

We view with awe a release of power on this scale. We know that this power is greater than that of our species - nature holds us in its hands.

We may be able to mitigate some of the consequences; in some cases we may be able to give advance warning of the threat; but we are not in control; the tsunami has demonstrated this ancient truth.

There are lessons.

First, no doubt, is that we should extend through the Indian Ocean, and other areas of risk, the scientific warning system that exists in the Pacific.

If an alert coastguard in Sumatra had observed the earthquake, he would not have known who to warn in India or Sri Lanka, although they could have had a couple of hours' warning.
In the wealthier Pacific area there is an organised warning system, which has reduced the casualties from tsunamis.

The world will no doubt give aid to the areas that have been hardest hit.

In Sri Lanka alone it is reported that a million coastal people have suffered serious material damage.

The world needs to be generous. By and large, the tragedy has fallen on poor countries and tourists, not directly on the inhabitants of the wealthiest cities of the world.

This could have happened to Tokyo, New York, Los Angeles or even London. That is one reason for the great cities to dig deep into their pockets. They have been spared.

The disaster should also impel all the nations of the world to give further thought to the needs of the environment.

As it happens, global warming seems to have had little or no connection with this event. But the tsunami did mimic some of the effects that global warming is now expected to have.

The great wave, in an hour, told the world where sea levels might be in a century, or perhaps in a couple of centuries.

If the sea rises, it will flood the coastal areas of low-lying countries. Mankind has built a fragile home for itself, with the growth of the world's population, the exploitation of natural resources, the spread of diseases from overcrowding and modern transport, the dependence on modern technologies - some of which are very vulnerable to upheaval - and the tall buildings which are open to terrorism.

That fragility is the real danger of the modern world. Even after 911, the great cities of the world have continued to build symbolic skyscrapers that are almost as vulnerable as the twin towers in New York.

The biblical story of the Tower of Babel had been the blueprint for modern cities.

The tsunami mocks this pride.

Perhaps our modern skyscrapers would withstand, as some tall hotels have withstood, the rush of the water. But our global system has an arrogance that challenges the forces of nature.

It is as though mankind had decided to tweak nature by the nose to show who is the boss. The tsunami has demonstrated that nature, and not mankind, is still the real master.

It is ironic that the poor of the earth have taken the brunt of the suffering.

If a million people have had their homes damaged or destroyed in Sri Lanka, there will be another million on the coast of India and more again in Thailand and Indonesia, perhaps in the Maldives as well.

They will get some aid, but nothing like enough to make good their probable losses. The proud have had a lesson, but at the expense of the humble people of the earth.

Nature can be a brutal moralist.

Asia grieves - Phuket Tsunami

"imagine spending your christmas holiday under the sun beside the beach, relaxing and resting and taking your time off from working your ass off the entire year. you got, let's say 2 weeks, to relax and enjoy the hot sun. you look around, some were enjoying too like you with their families. those little kids doing their best to make a sand castle. the old couple walking hand in hand, pass you by while you just lie there and relax. with a smile on your face, u promise yourself you'll do it next year. and then suddenly, you heard people screaming. then u saw big wave as high as you can imagine. you saw woman crying. it happens so fast that you never even had the chance to react..."

my heart sank as i watched the news yesterday afternoon. thousands of people were killed. thousands were missing. thousands were injured. most of them were tourists. and here i am living my normal life. in front of my computer. unable to think and work. devastation fills my entire soul. the quake that shook some countries in asia. the killer wave that obliterates the beautiful beaches. the natural disaster that claimed thousands of lives and inflict injuries to a lot of people.

and then i thought what if i was there? i've been to phuket a year ago and the more i think of the what if's the more my heart bleeds with compassion and sympathy to those people who think of nothing but to enjoy, unwary that this vacation is their last.

the entire world was shocked. the end of the year is 5 days away and to those people welcoming the new year with such anguish and pain is so sad to think about. i wish there is something that i could do. i wishi could alleviate their pain from the loss that they've faced.

imagine this happens to the entire world. imagine that it's not just the end of the year that's coming. imagine it is indeed the end of the world. i can't think of it. i am not yet ready. emotionally and spiritually ... but i know that i still have the time and chance to be ready. i'll try and do my best. i will. Some things happen the way we least expect them to happen. May we always be ready - spiritually. May GOD bless us all especially those who passed away...

On a stormy day like this...

Everyday I go to Inquirer's website to copy the latest syobis or political news, and the paper's editorial but I hardly ever read anything of it. Not if something catches my eye, then that's the only time I'll read. Well, I love to read books. I love to read anything but news. Not because I don't care what's happening around me, it's just that I feel worst reading them. All the killings, anything that show's people revenge, terrorism, corruption, all these breaks me. Anyway, I do this everyday because we got this internal online pahayagan just for the pinoys and oh yeah, Im the so-called editor-in-chief. Im thrilled of course. This is another story.

So with the little free time that I have from working and trying to survive with my everyday life overseas, I rarely read and watch the news. But Mr. A does. He's so into it. Everyday in the morning, with his usual breakfast, he watches Channelnews asia or CNN. And he's my only "connection" from the outside world. =) But last night, when he told me about the typhoon that hit the northern philippines, I tried to watch and read the news.

I was devastated. Flabbergasted. Sympathetic. And then I cried. (Oh, don't worry, I cried a lot. I always do on sad movies. Yeah, on cartoons too, one time!) My country is experiencing a great loss. A lot of homes were destroyed, more than 900 people were killed, some were still missing, all due to the flashfloods and landslides triggered by the storm Yoyong or Nanmadol. (Funny how we still managed to name a ravaging storm like this) I can't imagine how the people who managed to survived in the storm could endure this kind of tragedy in their life. And you know what's worst than this? Feeling so much sympathy and yet not being able to do anything to lessen the pain they were into. The best thing you could do is cry for them because you can't do anything much. I guess I'm just being soft. But who won't be? =(

Let's just hope and pray that these people will be ok. That, albeit it's a great loss for them, they would still remain strong. God bless them all. May peace be with the souls of the departed. My deepest sympathy.

Spectre

there's a ghost inside me
that captivates my sanity
caused me unbearable pain
every night i cried in vain

the thought of you haunts me
that someday his eyes will see
your beauty, shining like a gem
with power stronger than stem

knowing you're around scares me
lurking through his beauty
like a dementor flying so free
taking away people's ecstacy

alongside's love is pain
pain caused by too much love . . .

Naiibang kapaskuhan

Panahon na naman ng kapaskuhan. Marami sa atin excited ng umuwi. Yung iba naglilista na ng mga pagbibigyan ng regalo. Nagkukwenta ng budget for the coming christmas. May mga nagdedecorate na ng christmas tree kahit november pa lang. Meron namang excited sa preparation para sa noche buena or any upcoming parties. May nagbibilang ng inaanak, iniisip kung sino ang possible na pedeng taguan. Iba ibang klase ng preparations. Iba ibang tao. Iba ibang pagiisip kung pano ise-celebrate yung christmas in a different way every year.

Pero meron ding mga tao na tuwing pasko dumodoble ang saya. Sa onting oras na may kahalong pagindak at pagkanta, ibang ligaya na ang makikita sa kanilang mga mata. Simpleng sanwits at mumurahing juice, maliwanag pa sa sikat ng araw ang kanilang mga ngiti na di mo mamalayan, mas doble o triple pa palang saya ang nabibigay sayo. Sila sina lolo't lola. Mga taong naghahanap din ng yakap at halik sa noo kahit minsan sa isang taon lang. Mga taong nagaabang sa pintuan kada sasapit ang araw ng kapaskuhan. Kalahating araw mo'y katumbas na isang taon nilang kaligayahan sa mga nalalabing panahon nila.

Ang sarap isipin na ang pasko ay hindi lamang cinecelebrate dahil isa to sa mga okasyon na kinamulatan mo na. Minsan may nagtanong sa king tsekwa "what's gud in celebrating christmas? Is it the gift giving thing?". Napangiti ako. Hindi lang naman kasi iyon lang ang reason eh. Yung feeling ng nagbibigay ka ng saya sa kapwa mo. Yung feeling na parang lahat ng tao sa paligid mo mahal na mahal mo. Na lahat sa kanila ang nakikita mo lang kabutihan. Lagi kang nakangiti ng hindi mo namamalayan na pag may ibang nakakita sayo, kahit sabihing para kang sira, napapaganda mo din ang araw nila.

Ilang araw na lang pasko na. May mga tao mang hindi makakapiling ang mga pamilya o mahal nila sa buhay, marami namang tao sa mundo na nagiintay non. Tulad nina lolo at lola. Minsan dalawin natin sila. =)

Reverie

Im kinda feeling not so great at the moment. I regret not going to church today and Im sure no one will understand my reason.

Anyway, I just remember how my reverie was. It was so vivid that I felt like it just happened yesterday. Not clearly remembering though where I was only that I saw two little boys running from our door and hugging me. And then I saw him. Standing there. And then I woke up. With vast reasons as to how I had a dream about him with the two kidz, I wonder how and why after all these years, only then that Ive seen him in my dreams.

Or maybe, it has something to do with the card he sent two years ago. I found it yesterday while I was looking for old christmas cards. It doesn't make sense, though because I've never forgotten him eversince. I always have mixed emotions hearing his name. How would you ever forget someone who caused you so much? Most of my writings were ingeniously done bec of him. Most of the times we remember how we have lived our life through pain not through the wonderful memories that have made us a better person. Because sometimes pain make us stronger.

No matter what the reasons may be, I hope and pray that he's doing good. Especially my younger half-brothers.

A narrative of my own

if i could write a novel, it will be of my own
so other people will know of the things ive known
of how GOD works in His own mysterious ways
that only few can comprehend and see the rays

i would put the things that made me cry
of how i dealt and sometimes aim to fly
leave everything undone and run away
so anguish will get out of my way

i am not perfect and i am not strong
i give in to things that are so wrong
but GOD made me stumble from where i stand
He open my eyes to make me see where i will land

i will write not just for others to see
but a reminder that all throughout, GOD is with me
that pain and tears didnt leave me weak
fervent, standing tall, nothing but meek

Pain

Painful though experiences have been, they made us a stronger person, better able to understand the reality of life

Suffering has many dimensions, and perhaps the most common is physical pain. Everyone suffered it at some time, in varying degrees. It can be constructive: a useful warning that something is wrong or that some of our habits are unhealthy; it gives us a chance to correct things. A different kind of pain is emotional and spiritual anguish suffered by all of us when we lose a loved one. Bereavement disrupts the whole structure of our lives and throws us into chaos. It can feel similar to physical pain and indeed can cause it.

Analgesics can relieve the symptoms but cannot remove the cause.

Every relationship carries the possibility of pain: to risk loving someone is to risk the pain of losing them.

-------------

Some people seek to escape pain through pleasure, the abuse of alcohol or drugs; some are driven to despair and suicide. Some seek solace in religion while others blame God for their troubles and reject it all. Yet the experience of pain always has some positive aspects: it can increase our compassion for others, and our understanding of what other people may be feeling, even when their experience is different from our own.
- The tears of my soul, Sokreaksa S. Himm

Reading

By reading, I learned a lot. There are millions of books scattered around the world that some made me see what life couldn't bring me, some take me to places without leaving my own crib and spending a fortune, some, like a time machine, takes me to the year where I wasn't born yet, some fill my mind with historical knowledge, some open my heart to understand other people's feelings, some made me see the unfathomable reasons to some questions that was on my mind, some awakens my soul, some made my faith stronger than before, some creates chaos, and some confuse me even more.

I, for some reason, got addicted to reading. That sometimes, the "reading time" that i have is too short when there's a lot of good books to read. I took few hours time from my sleeping time just to be able to fill up the hanging questions inside my head. Sometimes, i wish that when i reach the age of 70, i will still have my good eyesight because i know by that time, i will have all the time to read. I jot down some good quotes or phrase that i stumble upon reading, so i will remember some of it when i grow old. Because I know, whatever happens, this notebook will be my only solace.

I've read a lot of novels. I've watched a lot of movies. I love anything and everything. There is no waste of time or not-so-good kind of movie or novel to me. Because each story gives me lesson to learn, a few lines that i can adapt and relate to and some lightens up my stressful days.

I know I'm not good at writing nor convincing other people to feel what I feel. It's just that when I am enthusiastic about something, I want other people to feel it too. And I know this article doesn't mean anything to you because this talks about what I am feeling at the moment and nothing that interests you. Anyway, before you get tired of reading me, may I suggest few good titles that you could read? Well some of it are the few ones I can remember. Even if you dont have the time, one page each day will be enough. Happy reading!

01. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
02. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
03. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
04. Timeline by Michael Crichton
05. Five People you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom
06. The Testament / The Brethren by John Grisham (or any of his book)
07. 11 Minutes by Paulo Coelho
08. Message in a bottle by Nicholas Sparks (or any of his book)
09. Can you keep a secret by Sophie Kinsella
10. To kill a mocking bird by Harper Lee
11. Cather in the rye by J.D. Salinger
12. Heavenly Man by Brother Yun
13.The Tears of my soul by Sokreaksa S. Himm

If you know any good book, please let me know...

Will you listen?

mind is preoccupied with quandaries
heart filled with love full of boundaries
to whom i would run and tell all my miseries

everyday i tried to fill the emptiness
trying hard to pick up the lost pieces
i cannot live my life with undone puzzles

soul longs for someone who could just listen
seeing me as a person in need instead of a fiend
not someone who will condemned me in the end

struggling to fight, battle is long
keeping the heart from what is wrong
fighting back the tears, sing the song

ill seek a place, where my heart can rest
where there is peace and there is no test
though im in pain, i'll do what is best

Itch

that itch that enfolds your beauty
to look at it without a stroke is a pity
sometimes i cannot hold it any longer
desire to give in, yearn for u to linger

ill be strong, i wont give up, baby dont fret
ur exquisiteness will flourish, future is set
not moving a muscle, adhere to where i stand
anticipation grows to see thy splendour grand

through the facet, i run my fingers
i close my eyes, i feel the hunger
gradually the delineation i feelshowing impression a moment could steal

*how i'll remember the work of art,the irritating itch not the hurt

Masterpiece

bearing a masterpiece is something
to some this represents an evil doing
convey a simple significance of art
people that are close to my heart

the pain i endure for years incised
symbol of great love and ecstacy lies
never it will ebb, eternally it'll remain
for thy profound meaning & beauty lies within

trembling with fear, i sit in a chair
will i endure the pain or run back to my lair
been through a lot of hurting compare to this one
in an hour, pain will subside ur beauty will reign

*for the art etched in my skin forever it will remain

I had it... finally!

Way back in high school, my first boyfriend had a tattoo one with my name on it and one with our name. He did it by himself actually, and I can say that he had inspired me or have been the sole source of my thinking that I'll have one on myself one day. But definitely not the name of a boyfriend. (Yeah we didn't end up together and I think his wife has been so jealous about it haha who wouldn't be?)

Anyway, a year later, Ive completed the concept. Still, the audacity of having it on my own skin was nowhere to be found. Until recently. Two weeks ago, I completed the design. Now it's here on my skin. I can't believe it! I've done it. Physical pain is way too far from having an emotional pain. Physical pain can heal within a month or so. Emotional pain can turn your life upside down.

I went to the parlor about 8pm. I haven't taken my dinner. And I was kinda shaky bec I knew it's really painful. I was cold actually. I'm suppose to have it near my belly button but the guy said that my design was meant for the back. He's suggesting to do a lot of changes on the design but i prefer not to. Because every inch of the design means something to me. So I had it. As the artist started the tattoo, I thought it was not that painful. It was irritating bec of the noise, though. But when he did stop for a minute, it was then that I felt the pain. I almost call my bebi (btw, he doesnt know it yet) but thought for a minute not to do so. It took us an hour to do it and I feel like it's burning my skin. I kinda feel proud about myself, though.

I created a poem before I had the tattoo... It explains the meaning of my design.
http://lairofeilrig.blogspot.com/2004/10/canvas.html
http://lairofeilrig.blogspot.com/2004/10/masterpiece.html

Canvas

each stroke of a brush
i feel my blood gush
drawing a thin line
carefully till its finegradually the image shows
depiction of life flows
treasures are neatly kept
with every single step

each side bears the waves of pain
every strike blazing like a flame
with the hands of God i stand still
helps me to endure and do not feel

engraved are letters of each gold
protect from anything as long as i can hold
with a white ink i stroke jaccr
epitomizing the purity of the heart

when the sun spread its rays and bring us light
ill prepare a day to do what will give me delight
a canvas to bear a masterpiece, a work of art
that forever will remain, be here in my heart

jaccr - my only reason for living.

Childish dream

do u realize how painful it is to care for somebody and never had the chance to show it to that person? how time is not on your side and is turning its back against you?no one is born to be a super hero. as much as i want to be on every living person that i care about, i just can't be at their side when they're in pain. i just can't. i have been assigned to take care of someone that is within my grasp and i know that is where i should focused my attention. i know that if i tried to extend my ability to what was beyond the things i can only do, it'll jst make things worst. no matter how sad i'll be for not doing anything and just sit here, i know it'll be best. sometimes the things u can't do were the ones that could make things easier and bearable. the pain that they have to endure helps them to be a better person. just as i have been. with the things ive done and the pain ive been through. without all of it, i won't know what kind of person i am now and i wont know what it is like to be hurt. like a child. to take their first step, they have to fall and they must know what could hurt them.

i guess now the only thing i need is something to cheer me up. something that could put back the rainbow in my sky. it'll be over and i wont realize it. i'll be fine. so is the person i cared so much about.

Where you'll be

to love that's so mysterious
to reasons some are oblivious
answers can't be found
meaning that are profound

feel the love, follow your heart
would it be still if it hurt
seek the remedy, cure the pain
some succeed, some are vain

cure your wounds, inflict venom to one
ur pain subsides, free to run
to someone, ur venom remains
creeping slowly through the veins

would it still be right?
to which you will fight?
the one that gives u delight
or the one that loves u inspite

sanity slowy ebbs away
renounce to this fray
silently u kneel to pray
to give you strength guide u all the way

Your love

every minute of the day
i pray fervently and say
this love i have if i may
forever it will stayu have show me great love
that i didnt deserve to have
my life is filled with rainbows
with its colorful shining rows

no matter how ur days are busy
when im in pain and sound too pushy
ur love gives me serenity
soothes my soul till eternity

Falling in love

falling in love is a mystery
how it happens, when it comes
why some loves grow
why some loves faillove must be taken
as an unfathomable gift
cannot be questioned
in its mysterious ways

love comes, love goes
when it leaves, it have to
reclaim not the love that is lost
accept it for what it was, move on

u cannot find answer
when there is none
there is no meaning
beyond love itself

love has its own time and season
its own reasons for coming and going
be glad that it came to live
for a moment in your life

Vessel

the stillness of the sea on a cold dark night
a boat slowly sinking is a dreadful sight
for a family of four screaming for help
with nobody coming for aid but myself

im not a ship that can convey all four
just a small vessel that can adequate two
ambivalent of the situation, i burst into tears
the need to save them all aggravate my fears

the silent sound of a whirling fan
wakes me up in the reverie that i had
with great relief, i sigh and pray
utmost thanks for my family is safe

in a vision too rapid with a minute or two
with a vivid delineation but profound value
i seek GOD's answer to this dream i had
and found solace with his promise of love

To see you go

pain is too much now that you're gone
i tried everything but it can't be undone
your memories, your scent wont leave me alone
time cannot erase all that we've shared as onepainful thing a life bestow
saying goodbye while still aglow
burning with desire and love enfold

my eyes are wet filled with tears
to see you go i cannot bear
mind is filled with questions to GOD
to have one more minute and i wont be sad

a minute is enough before you leave
to feel your face and make you believe
that i love you so much to the last minute

never renounce do wait for me
it may take awhile but i wont let u down
when my chores are through and my time has come
i'll be there never to leave your side

Exalted Love

i was astray when you pick me up
alone in a place where there is no light
heart and mind satiated with anger
body shaking with anxiety from danger

i was scared and was once blinded
you stood by me and keep me guided
imperfection enfolds my entire soul
you held my hand lifted me up from the hole

i was dejected trapped in a predicament
you listen intently only you can comprehend
place i live in mould me into depression
you came along infuse me with compassion

my life now shines like a rainbow
vivid colors your love endow
hold my hand and leave me never
serenity besiege me just be there forever

Toffee

first time we met
how can i forget
my heart is thumping
i can hear it beating

your eyes twinkle
as u gaze into mine
you melt my heart
as u tilt your head

i love the way you move
your smell and your embrace
the way u lay down beside me
stretching your body

fur surrounds you
makes me sneeze but that's ok
coz your sweetness ease away
and make me forget about it

to some you are just a pet
to me you are remarkable
for you bring joy and happiness
to them that is so dear to me

The old fashion way

Is it being selfish dreaming of something to happen that you've been thinking since you were a kid? is it impractical to at least have a quarter of what was perfectly formed in your mind for quite some time?

raised by life's simplicity, i never craved for things to happen in my life to be at its best. but i do think that at least a bite from a piece of cake is not so much to ask. living in a modern world, my mindset still lies on the conventional way. i still believe in courting, proposing, marriage, flowers, love, fairytale's living happily ever after and pms. i still believe in the old fashioned way of asking for the parents approval before getting married or when courting. things that no matter how punk, rock, alternative, skirts, plunging necklines, drugs and satc crowded the city where i live in, my heart still desires for a few things that's done in a conservative manner.

being in a relationship for 6 years is way too long that some think the fruit is ready to be taken off from it's branches. friends, relatives and some just an acquaintance, all are just waiting for the "announcement". i am one of them. i, too, was eager to know what was at the end of the rope. i wasn't hoping for a vera wang dress or expensive kind of wedding. i love the simplicity of life. having small weddings and gatherings doesn't matter to me. the solemnity of celebrating it is what matters to me. this has been my dream since i was a kid. the only promise ive been keeping and intending to fullfill for my mom who's been planning it since the day i was born. and to some, they wait for the right guy or their prince charming to come. for me, i am just waiting for the limo to arrive. i think the waiting will be over if GOD permits. for now, i'll just enjoy what single life is.

Linger

sitting here all alone
i thought of what we had
memories that are priceless
and can't be compared to something

im not asking for anything
coz i know im not giving any
to me you are perfect
the epitome of one's true love

my life has seen the end of the rainbow
and it's all because of you
for nothing completes me but you

but i can't help but wonder
to where this will lead us to
were u still not sure of me?
or is it just not the right time?

little by little i fret
in time you will decide
my waiting could be in vain
never will i regret

for this love is eternal
and i'll be yours forever

Familiar

as i lay down my bed tonight
i stare at ur sleepy eyes
hear your heavy breathing
look at ur sweet angelic face

sensing that it's me
u put ur arms around me
feeling the warmth of ur body
lessening the coldness of the room

things that make me look forward to
in every single day that i live
sleeping with a familiar room
and a familiar snore of a familiar person

drifting myself to the stillness of the night
i silently uttered a simple prayer
that tomorrow it will still be you
that i'll wrap my arms around
'till i close my eyes and never to wake again

Somewhere

as i stride along the highway
i walked across a deserted place
i saw u looking at me along the way
but i know that i have to go

i tried to go and bid goodbye
ur gaze make me stay and try
a love inside a cage could die
how can i not spread my wings and fly

someday i'll soar high
go on with my journey
and get on with the life i had
simple life without complications

but for now i'll stay
savour the sweetness of ur voice
your eyes that reach my entire soul
words that made me complete

intricate as it may seem
happiness can't be measured
ill be here while i can
be with you and furtively love u

even if it's only here
somewhere only we know

Stuck

your gaze makes me wither
mesmerizes my entire soul
if i fall would u be there?
or ull jst leave me into the hole?

cant get u off my mind
cant seem to find the way out
i want to leave the feelings behind
but im stuck on this route

u kept me hanging
its too depressing
cant stay longing
but im still wishing

what am i waiting for
my heart crushed up to the core
i feel like such a fool
but i cant stop thinking about u

Sep2004 Vacation

Five days is all i got
each passing minute like a speeding bullet
spend each second not wasting any of it
hurry, hurry time is gold
now im a believer
of this old saying
i love to stop the clock from ticking
so it'll be forever like this

now its time to leave
i fight back the tears
tried not to be sentimental
but when i look at their eyes
sadness is what i see
tears and promises
"i will always be ur baby"
"i will be what u wanted me to be"
leaving them is hard
but i know that i have to

i bid goodbye its time to leave
when i look back i feel sad
i wanted to go back
just give them one last hug
but its time to move on
have to be strong
to meet their promises

alone in my room
weeping and reminiscing
the fleeting time we spent together
the laughter, the stories
be strong, be brave
time will pass by

another year of longingness
another year of sadness
wait for the time again
to go back and be with them

Songs that make me cry

Thousands of songs were intended for broken hearted people. I, for hundreds of times, have been one of those "kind of people" who emotes easily when "Before I Let You Go" and "Until I Find You Again" was played on my mp3 player. And I have my own folder intended only for the sentimental hours of my boring day in my little turf in the office. Thinking bout the times I have been badly hurt and how I cried over a spilled milk. How I wasted my time crying and reckoning the mistakes I did for something so wonderful just ebb away just like that. How I feel like Im the only miserable loser in the world because I wasn't treated the way I want people to treat me. I wasnt loved the way Ive loved. How many times have I made a fool of myself over something who's not even worthy to be receiving care and love from me? But then again, I could go over again at that part of my life where I fell and acquire a few scratches. I have loved because I've felt it. I've cared because Ive loved. Ive been happy for a while because of that person. And I've loved that person no matter what. But I know where my limitations are. I know where the boundary of love and not-so-love lies. I know when its time for me to leave. Definitely, I could do these things over again. And it's something that I know and sure of myself. When I care about somebody and I feel something about that person, it is right to let the person know how I feel. I wont care if I will be given something in return. I wont care if all I'll ever do is to love and not be loved. For I believe, that each person is meant to be with somebody else. The right time is not about how old and young I fall in love. It's about falling in love at anytime with the right person. And right person isn't the same as a perfect person. It's about me feeling im perfect because of that person.

The Da Vinci Code

There are countless things that come along our way to agitate our faith. What matters is how we stay on the ground sticking to what we truly believe in. "The Da Vinci Code" is a novel that attempts to classify ethereal concepts like faith which stimulates discussions and debates on religious and theological issues. In my own opinion, there are books that tackles delicate issues causing a reader with mixed emotions pertaining to the informations whether it's factual or not. Fortunately, reading the book hasn't caused any metamorphosis in my faith. Albeit inspiring me to learn more about arts, history, culture and religion. For some, TDVC has been an utmost defamation to GOD and the Gospel, carrying atrocious matters. For me, TDVC is an erudite piece of novel. Orthodoxy is infinitely more interesting than heresy. Heresies come and go by fashion. TDVC will soon fall from the best-seller lists and may even interest Hollywood. The truth is unchanged and unchangeable. The truth is unshaken. The faith of the Church remains intact. So am I...