The OC's last episode of Season 1

Last night we were watching THE OC in dvd, season 1. And all I did was grab a tissue and wipe the gushing tears down my face. It's like I can't just stop crying. It's the last episode where Ryan bids goodbye to his "adopted family" because he have to go back to chino with Theresa who happens to be pregnant. It was the saddest episode ever! I vividly recall all my friends who've left not because they want to but because they have to and "choice" is not a powerful word for them at that moment. But whenever someone is leaving, I always end up thinking over and over again "why is it more painful to be the person being left behind than the one leaving?". I feel more compassion to those people. Because they're the one's who don't have the power to make someone stay. They dont have the choice but to shed tears and relive the remnants of the memories with that very same person. Living their everyday life with the could-have-been's and feeling so empty without the other. It's so hard to be at that end of the rope but things always turns out fine, gradually. As long as you know that what you once have will remain in your heart...

Lindol

Quarter to 11 last night while am at home with my friends, I thought I just felt dizzy. And then my friend said "lumilindol wag kayong gagalaw". I was really scared. It lasted for I don't know how long but to me it feels like eternity. I was frantically crying inside my room with my cousin. I don't know why I cried but I really really felt so sad at that moment experiencing one thing i feared the most and my bebikoh was not there. After all Ive been through, I thought I can live my life alone without anyone else. But I was so wrong. I have build my life around the few people that matters to me - My family and my bebikoh. Without them I am nothing. They are the reason of my existence, of my strength, of my every smile. I haven't watched any news yet. And as selfishly as I have been and Im asking GOD's forgiveness about it, because of fear I forgot to think of other people. I only reached out to those few people that really matters to me. And when I heard from my friend who have read the news, 300 people died in Nias, Indonesia, it strucks me that I never thought of other people. I didn't even utter a prayer for them last night. This really makes me sad. =(

Blogging

I guess this was meant to help people like me to overcome sadness and feeling alone and not having someone to talk to. I always mumble about how things were going on with me at the moment but it always passes by the wall like a wind. Nobody levels to the depth of my being. No one knows me better. To them, I am just an acquaintance, of no importance at all. Of what my personality consists only of those that hurts them. They do not see what is beyond those words. Maybe to them I am really not a friend. Because they don't know me. Or maybe I always say the wrong choice of words. I never had any hatred in my heart. Things happen and I let them be. But I can't help but be hurt when they do nothing but accused me when i am way too far being the person they thought I am.

Sentimental Fool

Today I'm feeling emotional. Maybe sign of old age hehehe. I don't know. I'm feeling sad and feeling vulnerable. No one to talk to. My bebikoh's busy with his work besides I know no one will understand me. Im just sad... Too sad. Happy in a way that my friend Annie have accomplished so many great things this year including two essential things a woman wants. Sad because anytime now she'll be leaving for LA. There's email, yeah, but it's different. Although I know that even she just stays 3 floors below from us and we don't see each other that much, the feeling of she's just there is always enough to bring me bliss. First, my dear dear friend Joey and then Eian, now it's Annie. The good times that we had will always be here in my heart, guys. Maybe that's the reason why pictures are invented. To keep the happy memories alive. To let us always see the good times of our friendship. Not the misunderstandings, or the times that we never had any communications, or the little things that we argue about. And that's what Im keeping here in my heart. Because friends, for me are important. I may not have that skill of keeping them or letting them know that they matter to me, GOD knows how they have changed me, how they have brought me tears and much happiness.

I know nothing in this world is permanent. Nothing will stay even if you asked or want them to. Im just glad and thankful to GOD that I've come along the path where they were. Im glad that Ive known few people I called friends and few I called best friends.