Reverie

Im kinda feeling not so great at the moment. I regret not going to church today and Im sure no one will understand my reason.

Anyway, I just remember how my reverie was. It was so vivid that I felt like it just happened yesterday. Not clearly remembering though where I was only that I saw two little boys running from our door and hugging me. And then I saw him. Standing there. And then I woke up. With vast reasons as to how I had a dream about him with the two kidz, I wonder how and why after all these years, only then that Ive seen him in my dreams.

Or maybe, it has something to do with the card he sent two years ago. I found it yesterday while I was looking for old christmas cards. It doesn't make sense, though because I've never forgotten him eversince. I always have mixed emotions hearing his name. How would you ever forget someone who caused you so much? Most of my writings were ingeniously done bec of him. Most of the times we remember how we have lived our life through pain not through the wonderful memories that have made us a better person. Because sometimes pain make us stronger.

No matter what the reasons may be, I hope and pray that he's doing good. Especially my younger half-brothers.

Dream

Last night i dreamt about a place, full of houses, set on fire. Everyone is screamin' and weepin'. Every hue in that place had turned into black. And today as I work here in front of my pc, i remember one thing in that dream, where everything is black, one girl with her family around her, wearing a simple but innocent smile. In front of her was a shattered table saved from the chaos, and on top of it was a cake with candles in it. Fire isn't a destruction after all. It sometimes symbolizes one person to look at the brighter side of the dilemma. For instance on this predicament in their life, they still celebrate the birthday of their sweet child using the same thing that destroy every single thing in their life - F I R E. I don't know what's the meaning of this dream. I don't know why I wrote this. Maybe because it's something that I want to remember when I get old. Or maybe it has something to do with the tragic event that occurs in New York days ago. Or maybe it has something to do in my life. Or maybe there's something that GOD wants me to learn. Whatever it is, I know I'll always remember the sweet innocent smile of that child amidst of the crisis...

*** Added Note few days after the Bali bombing(October 2002), as i re-reading all my documents, i came across this one. And it almost made me cry after realizing that the thing i saw on tv the other night is almost the same as what i have dreamt a few months ago. And then i close my eyes and silently say a prayer for those people that had become the victim of hatred and war...