Being sad

Not feeling well.
Need time to take things and absorb them lightly.
Good things dont last.
Goodbye's make you cry.
I am sad.
I felt no hint of bliss.
Craving for sleep.
Sleep takes you anywhere but where u are at the moment.
I'll miss the everyday "ate" and fun and crazy things we do.
Food trip. Chocolates. Sodas. Movies.
I'll miss you, kendz. =(

Current mood: Uber sad :~(

Ouch

the wound u have keeps on hurting and there is nothing else for you to soothe the pain but to sit and wait and be numb until it subsides. until you get over it and then pick up where u stand and then move on. you know that it'll heal soon. but what if the strength you have won't hold up to that intensity of anguish? just a thought...

Heart Attack

I saw my friend's nick online just weeks ago and sent her a message.

ME: "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Mustaaaaaaaaa?"
HER: "Helloooooooooo! Miss you na bruha! Ako eto broke. Broke - financially and emotionally. Hahaha ang drama kaagad noh? Ikaw musta?"
ME: "Haha gagah! Im ok. Still trying to do my best to enjoy life hehehe. What's with the broken tsutsu?"

And in 30 minutes she had told me what that BROKE was all about. it seems like yesterday when both of them found themselves attracted to one another. But it's been a year. It's been that long that they have been pretending that nothing happen, that everything is normal just the way it was, that admittingly it was there once but not this time. I guess no one knew that blurting out what you feel is not something you can get back and hide again so that no one else will get hurt.

Did you ever believe that saying that when you love or felt something for someone it is just right to let the person know no matter what detriments it may bring? Maybe for some people it works perfectly but it never applies to everyone. And they were one of those latter. She said she just misses him. She miss talking to someone who can understands her and make her smile amidst of the little storms in her life. "I feel your pain, bru", I know that because I know how it feels. "You'll get by", i told her as i i always do to my friends enduring such 'heart attack' when i felt like there's nothing better for me to soothe their pain. "I know", she said, and we bid goodbye.

*a msg from her to you if you happen to stumble upon this: she misses you and she felt jealous sometimes when you're fooling with other girls but she said she dont have the right. she misses you like crazy. i ask for your name but she said you'll know it the moment u read it. take care and i hope u know you matters to her.

Poignant

heart's crushed
when you speak
amidst of sobs
unending mourn

i look up the sky i see rain
when will it stop? when will it end?
drenched and bushed rest i seek
serene mind harder to reach

i linger till the rain ends
each chapter never shines
this path i took always dim

Eilrig's Return

Today is my official "comeback" day. I've dozed off for a month and been neglecting my blog for a while. Well, nothing much happens except for the big changes. Been busy packing and unpacking all our stuff since we moved to a new place not far from where we used to stay. I didn't realize how much stuff we have and how much trash we've been keeping for years. Exhausting but now it's ok at least half of it. And I can see now the real beauty of the place hehehe. Good thing Annie and her hubby's still here to help us. The past few weeks that we all shared together was something that I can never forget. Today at 6.30 am we saw them off and bid goodbye. Saddest thing for me but knowing that I can still see Annie few weeks from now still makes me feel that she's not that far yet till she moved to LA. Goodbye time once again. Have to be tough, gurl. And then from the airport I snatched 30 minutes sleep and then kendz and I went to Immigration to plead for at least another week so she can at least make it to bebikoh's bday. It's very stressful. As much as I want her to stay, things happen as if they were oppose to what I wanted. But I leave it all up to GOD. I know HE got better things for my sister. So, after talking to the immigration officer who happens to be so strict with the rules, after all the pleading, we at least somehow convince him to give her at least additional one more week IF we can provide a confirm ticket. No problem, officer! I know that It'll be hard for my sister bec she's very emotional, i just hope that she'll take it lightly. At least she can see our family now after 3 long months. Three long months, huh? It feels like its only been a week. Whew! Days fly by so fast, really. Wow a lot of things are happenning that's making me sad. It's true that when it rains it pours. Only to me they were'nt a good thing.

What now?

i believe now the saying how you'll miss someone when they're gone. i dont want to entertain the thought. it might mean something or not, important thing is im missing someone. im facing an insignificant quandary at the moment and im longing to talk to someone when no one is there and the first person you thought about is this someone. sad isnt it? its like grasping for something that you can't hold on to. and the gratification pays only when you're able to see that someone, even if the veracity of it all is that this person won't be able to complete the bliss you're longing to have. *deep sigh* i guess that's what life is all about. it's what it should be. *xav's favorite quote* life is better but not perfect.