Feeling The Wave

I just realized, it's February now. Days passed by so quickly and I didn't realized my status is still the same. It's not like I really miss working. I think I miss earning the money :p My January passed by so quickly since princess C started school and I started my Project 2013. There is little time to visit FB and I only am active by posting photos of the princess and clicking the like every now and then from those in my feed. Other than that, I am out of anyone's world now and super clueless of what's happening with my friends. I didn't dare to text them because I was so afraid of that question. Actually, I am having the best time being a SAHM. I am doing the things now that I have been postponing for like eternity since the princess arrived. I just feel useless whenever I think of comparing myself to my friends who are working. God must have been super confuse by my wishes. Sorry Lord. I also don't know what I want. Anyway, I don't know why, but I felt a pang of sadness when I open my FB and visited some friends account. I can't explain. Sigh, I really need a job :(

Burn Baby Burn

My work is seriously making me crazy especially with the dragon breathing on my neck. I was really exhausted last night giving in to my emotions, crying while working trying to work one thing that's not even mine to resolve and what more no one wants to own it. My baby came to me and kissed me probably told by her dadi. She waited for me like she always do. I know she's really sleepy but she still waited for me. She came out of the room and look into my face saying "mami crying no. smile only". At past 2 AM, I came to bed and kissed her goodnight and sang to her. I asked her to hug me. Then she said, I miss you mami. Then kissed me. :( Promise baby, mami will do her best to make a move. Thank you for easing my pain and tiredness today early morning. I love you so much and nothing in this world could ever replace that.

Grrr to the max level

I was suppose to be on call last sunday in case of issues. Since I didnt receive any call, figures I wasn't needed. When I got to office this morning pagsabihan ba ako na dapat tumawag ako to check kung may issue or wala? Eh di ba dapat pag may issue you dont send mail or sms na d naman mababasa? You were suppose to call first then send msg? Ako pa talaga sisihin? Grrr! Halatang halata favoritism. Pulitika talaga. May malipatan lang sana ako. Kakapikon na! Tumaas lang position tumaas na din ere ng hitad. Maging kuto ka lang titirisin kita ng pinong pino!

Apologize for the rant and bad behaviour. Hayyyz!

Passport to Freedom

I have been complaining *a lot* lately and I know it’s not proper to think that I’m still lucky I have one. But it’s really really tiring and giving me a lot of stress. I know they always say “be careful for what you wish for” and I’m really trying to be careful. I’ve been trying so hard not to give up. But it’s like I’ll burst one day. And before that happens, I so wanted to have something to look forward to before I leave that part of my world where proper sleep is really rare and family time isn’t included in the dictionary. I have taken that tiny step, of updating my passport to freedom. Hopefully, I’ll have the time especially the courage to try it one more time. I couldn’t say that this is my comfort zone because believe me it’s really far from that. I guess I’m staying because I have to. I’m not really complaining about the work and you know what it is if it’s not the work. I hope God is with me on this one. I have plan B but to put this into action will rock not just my world but also those around me. And this is that kind of plan that I’ll only do as a last resort.

Venting Out

This is something that I’m telling you to skip. I just had to vent out.

It’s been really tough for me the past few days. A lot of production are going on, a lot of must do things at work and a lot of lows. I did a lot of mistakes, though all have been resolved, but still mistake is a mistake. Let me correct myself – it should be mistake with a big “S”. I so wanted to bail out but I can’t. I know it’s not easy to be someone I envy but sometimes a girl like me had to think what i think. There is really no justice in this world. BUT in spite of it all, I have things to be grateful for. Most has been resolved though damage has been done but still. I get to go home to a baby girl with a very warm smile and eyes that looks at you like she really knows what you’ve been through that day. She doesn’t even give me a hard time waking up at times when I needed my sleep very badly. A best friend who took me out to a movie date after months of movie-less and date-less and not just any other movie but NEW MOON! And the last and hopefully not the least, friends who never fails to make me laugh and buy my corny jokes relieving me from my stressful day with only just a few hours of time to spare for a simple dinner and a glass of my first wine *after a year!!!!* No matter how bad and awful my week seems to be, GOD will always make a way to lessen if not removed all these things that’s making my heart really heavy. I’m so thankful!

What to Do When Your New Job Is a Nightmare

You just started a new job. It's like a dream come true -- except when it's not. What's a professional to do when she accepts a job that seems like a living nightmare? Read on for solutions and advice from a career coach.

1. Assess the Situation (and Yourself)

There are a lot of different reasons why your new job may seem less than ideal. Perhaps your boss is a micromanager. Maybe your duties are different than what you'd thought they'd be. Or a client may have jumped ship, leaving you and your coworkers suddenly scrambling. Consider what's making you miserable before taking any kind of action.

Lynn Berger, a Manhattan-based career coach and counselor, agrees. "I think you have to really scope it out." She urges her clients, "See if there's any way you can take any self-responsibility for this. Also, ask yourself, is there a way you can grow from this? Maybe you've never worked for a boss with a particular personality type, but you may be able to deal with it over time and learn from it."

2. Open a Dialogue

If your supervisor seems happy with your performance while you're not happy in the position, it may be very easy to start a conversation about what's making you miserable. She may be willing to shift your responsibilities or provide you with additional support.

If your boss seems displeased, it can be a bit more difficult, says Berger, a member of the International Coach Federation. "You've still got to open a dialogue, and the earlier the better." She urges dissatisfied employees to talk to management, saying, "Get clear on what you need from them and what they need from you."

Are you without the proper tools and support to do your job? "Throw it out there to your boss and see if he will help. You have to let people know what you need," advises Berger, a graduate of Columbia University.

If you can't talk to your boss because she's the root of your problem, Berger says, "Check it out with other people you work with. Watch how they're handling this person. And if you find out from coworkers that everyone else who's had this position has been out of there in three months, that could be very revealing."

3. Patience Is a Virtue

When Berger works with clients who fear they've made a mistake in accepting a new job, she reminds them, "It takes three to six months until you're comfortable in a new job. There are going to be growing pains, especially if you haven't started a new job in a long time."

New job starters, she says, should be prepared for a bit of anxiety as they roll up their sleeves and dig in to a new position. "It's overwhelming! You're going to be exhausted and you need to give yourself room around that."

While you're ramping up, "Observe as much as you can and not only learn the job, but learn about the company and the way it works, the way things are done," she says. That can go a long way in helping you feel more comfortable.

4. If You Leave...

Do you still feel like you have to leave? Berger tells workers to ask themselves, "Is this a perceived nightmare or a real nightmare? If you're a victim of verbal or physical abuse at work, no one should have to live that way."

However, even if you're not subjected to those horrors, you may still feel as though you're in a nightmarish situation. If you feel you've given it time and your best efforts, you may choose to move on. "No one should feel tortured or sick over a job," concedes Berger.

When looking for another position, you can explain your brief time in this job by saying, "I realized early on this wasn't the right situation." Berger says that job seekers should make the experience seem as positive as they can. Also, she wants professionals to learn from their mistakes. Before accepting another offer, "Ask questions. Visit the company a few times. Speak with employees there. Make sure you understand the full scope of the position and what the day-to-day will be like."

"You never want to regret that you walked away from an opportunity too quickly," Berger says. "As long as you know you gave it your best shot and tried, that's what really counts."

I am G L A D!

I love how challenging my job is. I love how each week I learn something new. I love how I improve little by little *in my opinion*. But this month has been so tough for me. I couldn't even have my lunch on time or chat with my friends. I always went home late. I couldn't spare few minutes to breathe *ok im exag here*. My heart beats faster than its normal rate each time too scared of making mistakes. I did a lot of kapalpakans but I'm thankful how my supervisor is taking it without scolding me or blaming me, instead, making me see my mistake and learn from it. BUT, this month's really exhausting for me. Maybe it's a good thing that I found reason to forget about some of my predicaments.

It may look like I'm complaining but to tell you honestly I'm not.

And right now, I'm celebrating. We were able to finish few things today and I don't have anything on my mind right now that spells w-o-r-k. Our team had a lunch out at Spageddies. Yipee! And tomorrow is holiday! And we're watching Ironman! Weeeee. Times like these it makes you taste the sweetness of a full day holiday.

First Week High

Been busy and neglecting my blog for quite a while. But I will try to keep up, promise. From the parties and food trips and movies, I promise to try to remember them one by one and blog them. It's also for my own sake so I can look back to all the happy moments in my life, spending it with people who make me smile. But this one particular topic I want to blog about is how I survive my first two weeks at my new work. This was one company which didn't make it on my list of "want-to-work" place, but life is really ironic. Now that I'm here, I'm praying so hard to stay here for a long time hopefully, at least a year maybe? Hehehehe. I was given a workplace that was so far different from my first job here in singapore, was surrounded by those I really dreaded to be around with, but found myself not complaining about it. At least not bad for my first two weeks of stay there. Maybe because I really love what I'm doing now. Of course, I thank God for this another blessing. I have just a little bit of complain hehehe. Most of the people were too busy to say hi to a newcomer? Hehehe. Not that I want them to welcome me big time, it's just what most would expect if you know that 1/4 of the population is the same race as you. Oh well, maybe there's always an exception. Good thing ffg's working in suntec so at least 2 days out of 5, I'm not by myself. And now, mame ces and I talked about eating together every wednesday. I was so happy to see her again :)

Adjustments

When you've worked in a company for six years, that feeling of being slightly "siga" was there. You're confident with the things you do and all you need is to meet that deadline. You know the path you're walking into. You know how to deal with every single boss whom you think needs anger-management and with attention-grabbing syndrome. You know every single rule. You've come to deal with the fact that you're working in a company that as strict as a school - that is working at exactly 8.30 until 6.00 and follow the rules, no internet access or any privileged, no internal email (talking bout myself only), agent that doesn't pay your CPF and no wandering around during office hours. I abide by the rules. I got comfortable sitting in a wooden chair and lounging at a "papag". But now that I've chosen to increase a few bucks from my last salary and wanting to gain experience and learn different things from what I currently do, that feeling of idiocy and people belittling my capacity (I guess it's just my feeling) is now on. I have to do major adjustments again like what I did 6 years ago. Or was it just a month ago? Can't explain with all the blessings Im facing now. Can't explain how blessed I am with colleagues who are nice and helpful, with my work schedule that I can come to work past 9 or close to 10 and go home at past 6, with the internet connection that i've been dreaming to have for the longest time. Gain a few friends. Im just hoping that I can do whatever it is "the bosses" asked me to do. And meet the deadline! Yes! That's my wish. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. 

First Day High

Bad things may have poured out on me the past few days and I can't say that I have gotten over it inspite of the very good news. Still, it is something that I really really thanked GOD for never letting me drowned from the "not-so-good" things that knocked me off my feet. Yes, I finally found a new job. It was a lot of signs from GOD that it was what He wanted for me. Today, I just started my first day at FedEx. It was suppose to be yesterday but this "freakin-pain" made me spend about 20 bucks and lose my 1 day of work - starting ko pa lang yan ha! Hayyy focus on the good things. Anyway, my day started ok. Everyone at work was nice. The team consists of about 20 people - only 2 were girls, one was me. Those were the only people I met during the 2 hour meeting we had in the afternoon. Talk about shocked. Thank GOD there were 2 kababayans that I can talked to. I hope the following days or months of my stay there would be fruitful. Kapagod din maghanap ng work. The full 10 days lying around at home made me worried but at least somehow GOD let me have the rest Ive been longing for. Ive been working non stop for 6 years anyway. Though there were times that we took a vacation, this is by far the longest rest I had since birth hehe. Been working my ass off eversince I graduated from highschool. Whew. Thank you Lord for everything. Thank you friends for the support and prayers. Thank you bebe for being so supportive and always believing in me. Thank you Mom for praying hard with me. Thank you sisses for being my inspiration to move on. Naks, feeling nanalo ng Oscar! Winner! Salamat po!

Interview

When one favorite of mine like blogging was deserted, that means im in a total mess at the moment. Ive been juggling my time from refreshing myself from the projects ive done to prepping myself for the most hated part of my existence - JOB INTERVIEW. I had two and still have one tomorrow which im really dreading to go to. I just hope JOB INTERVIEW were not like this. Each one's dreading to sell themselves trying to make a good impression in just 45mins. Im just really hoping and praying really really hard to GOD that at least one from the two interviews I've had will get me huhuhu. Please please, pretty please. I hope this time He'll put me somewhere I really belong. Well, those 3 months wasn't wasted actually. My oracle was refreshed. At least now I can put something 'oracle-y' to my resume. Sigh. Now that my end is about to come in just 2 days, my mind's really not at it's peace mode. I worry about lot of things. But, yes, looking back to those days that I've been like this, God had never left me for one tiny sec. Three wonderful occasion that I'm really excited about was set aside just because of this. Well this one is much more important than the said events. Another sigh.

When it rains, it pours

I haven't got over yet with my "personal" problem just this weekend and now my Monday seems to be starting on a very "lovely" one. Oh yes, im being sarcastic. When I opened the mail that I got from our mailbox last friday it brought me into panic mood. At least, i'm a bit thankful that my weekend didn't get much heavier from the thing that im carrying on my back for 2 nights. Nope, it doesn't end there. When I got to the office while reading my tons of emails, someone, with a higher position i think, from my work approached me. It was regarding the dilemma I had few weeks ago. Thought it was settled - but I was wrong. She talked to me and explained to me in a really nice way that they were letting me go. Because apparently there's some problems or miscommunication with the job requirement when i applied here. Simply put, they require someone who can do scripting in oracle (which she said I can do), deployment of web applications (also I can do), but what they really need is someone who can do testing and MF (which I couldn't and don't have the experience). I told her that it's fine with me and will tender my resignation letter as soon as i had a word with my team leaders and my agent. Now, I've sent an email with the 3 persons involve and just waiting for whatever they have in mind. What more could make this day seem interesting? I received an sms from the owner of our condo telling me of his plans of selling it. Which means, we will be moving out in time. Sigh! What do I feel now? Nothing. Maybe. Or it hasn't reached the bottom part of me yet. Sometimes i think it's true that you get numb when one quandary removes the Y replacing it with IES in the end. Oh well, a lovely day indeed. Bummer.

first time

it's like being here in singapore for the first time. that feeling of standing on your own and doing every possible way to know your way out of the dark dungeon. someone might yell the way out but you still have to find it at your own risk, at your own time, at your own expense. a month had passed and im still as blind as an owl. i couldn't find the energy to go to work because none of it is a challenge - a nightmare maybe. i have neglected few good things in my life that for the past six years i've really enjoyed doing. now at my leisure time, all i wanna do is lie and think about how i dreaded Mondays. i felt like quitting every tick of the clock. i felt like ignoring the good things it'll do to me and my family at the end of each month just to save my ass for 22 days of being naive and seeing a lot of question marks around my head. i knew i was happy back then but i had to decide what matters most to myself and my future. now, i am not sure if i am having regrets with the decision i made 50 days ago. most good friends says it's what human calls "adjustments". if it is, why the hell it took so long for my system to identify and absorb the reality of where i am now? i guess i don't really hate where my decision had brought me. maybe, i just detest the notion of me in an idiocy state.

solitary world

it took me so long to blog about my new work. nothing much to say about it except rants. sigh! now, after 3 weeks of adjusting to my new environment, it suddenly came into me. i miss my hadaba life. i miss my friends. i miss everyone there. i miss all the auntie's selling kikay stuffs. i miss the merienda. i guess, i need ample time to adjust to where i am now. its peaceful but its kinda lonely. sigh and more sigh. nevertheless, i don't regret or hope for things to get back to its normal state because it is what was given to me. all i need is a space to change the channel to set it to another mood.

#lonli, im miss lonli. i heb nobadi tu kollll my ownnnnnnn