Sentimental Thought

Few more hours to go and it's now time to say goodbye to July. A lot of things are bound to happen in August. And month after that. A lot of things that could steer you away from the life that you got used to. From everyday waking up in the morning doing the same old thing at work for the past six years. From looking forward every week to weekends so you can go out with your friends. From everyday lunch, eating together with your friends telling each other stories and realizing how you had fun without fully realizing what you had for lunch. From looking forward to tell your friends all the good things happening in your life not meaning to brag but it's always good to know that a lot of people is happy for you. Some very good things in life are bound to end. Of course, there's always a window of opportunity to let another much better things to happen, but if you've been very comfortable with all the things around you, why look forward to another good thing? But life is made that way. It has to move one. Because somehow, somewhere, with reasons that we alone could not explain, people and friends could grow tired of having us around. New things always excites human. It's their nature. It may be your nature to just sit and get relaxed with all the things around you, people have different DNA's, different fingerprints, all different from one another. Yes, in a month's time, I would be saying adieu. To my work, to my workplace, to my bosses, especially to my friends. It's poignant how people have to say goodbye to things they've grown to love. I don't want to be this sentimental at an early stage but it just hit me. And I still haven't found any job yet. Although good things are happening now at the moment, it still can't be enough to alleviate the little sadness in my heart. I just wish I could have the power to control everything and be it according to what I could be comfortable with. I guess every people wished for this. Or it's just me always wishing to have an easy life.

Rants

There are things in life though how difficult it is for you to go on in life, you can't seem to unload your feelings towards your friends. It's like feeling worst telling it to some close friends than keeping it by yourself. And so being alone is one of the best option. Your concern touches me my dear friends. I may not look fine, but I will be... in time. Every wound heals without us realizing it.


"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

Flat Line

have u ever have that "someone" that you actually never had?

have u ever felt something just by looking at them and suddenly realized how much you missed them?

have u ever thought how u always longed for something that you can't have? or maybe it's just bec of the fact that you wanted to have it bec u know u can't have it?

have you ever wondered for so many times how good it will be to kiss someone especially when they look weary, tired or sad?

so many wonderings in just a matter of minutes. your sanity flew out of you the moment your heart beats faster than its normal pace. the moment your eyes met amidst of chaos, there's a pain inside u that you can't just seem to understand. seems like for you it never stops. seems like for them you're already history.

rational people still do stupid things, so judgement is not always an option.

GA Addiction

I'm one of them now. Those who sleep late at night just to catch up with the previous episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Those who walks in the office like a zombie with big eye bags and heavy eyes, and uncontrollable yawning. Yep, that's me. Guilty as charge. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But it is really getting out of hand. "Seriously". Been making my night time as my day time. I have tried drinking a glass of wine every night with every meal just to be able to sleep at an early time. It's effective alright, and my eyes are getting heavy, but after I hit the shower, my nerves are alive again. And so it begins. Maybe what I need is to change my strategy, don't you think? Oh well, time will come that I'll be able to watch all of it. All I need is a cup of hot coffee, lots of it. Hmmmm, maybe it's time to try espresso.

Sorry, forgot to tell what's good about Grey's Anatomy. Except for the "ewwww" part of seeing the insides of a person to which I think Im beggining to appreciate, the respect and admiration that i have for the doctors, nurses and all those peope who have spent almost their entire life trying to save other people's setting aside their own have grown. A thousand reasons to watch it, believe me. Every perspective changes and lies to each individual. It's not about the unfathomable relationship between derek and meredith, or cristina and burke, it's about everything else.

Sometimes, we read and watch movies or series for that matter, just to be able to grasp the other possibilities of life. Of going through something heartbreaking without really feeling it in reality, of appreciating the works of some people we never cared to look at how they live their life and only knowing how much they earn, of being in a place you will never imagine to be at except being sick which of course every people dismay, of being in a situation where deciding is the worst thing you'll ever do and thanking GOD that you were not in their shoes, of feeling the pain of someone dying in front of you when all you aim to do is to save that person. Isn't it wonderful how people deal with their everyday lives and still get out of every painful situation no matter how difficult it is? How we always whine about what we have, totally clueless of how lucky we are compare to others? How I, "seriously", am getting on your nerves just to convince you to watch it? Well, it's your loss. Hehehe. "Seriously".

Club Med, Ria Bintan (June 23 - 25, 2006)

I woke up this morning with eyes still closed but trying to grasp the sound of the waves. Oh my God, I can't hear it. I'm back to reality. I'm off to paradise now. Good days are over. Time to earn again to sustain the little pleasures in life that I wanted. It's just sad to think that the relaxation times are only 1% of your stressful days. But I guess it's true that it is what it makes it worthy of. I took a 2 hour time off and let my mind clench the actuality of my surroundings. Good to be back though. So for now, give this lady a chance to recount the "relaxing days" she'd had the past 2 days. Either bear with it or relive the good experience.

Before the Club Med days...
Ffg's company were to held a some sort of company outing in Ria Bintan, Indonesia. And as soon as I heard it will be in Club Med, I did not hesitate to say yes. It was a Resort only for members, I heard and it was too expensive for non members to go there. I think it's highly over-rated, yes, but yeah I was caught in that yearning to at least have a taste of it. Why not, when you're going there paying only about 20% of what it costs. So let's go for the roller coaster ride.

June 23, 2006
At exactly 5.45pm, as soon as I got out from the office, I hailed a cab and went directly to Tanah Merah ferry station. The ferry should leave at 7:30 pm so time is not that restraint. It only took us 45 minutes to reach the immigration at the Bintan and by 9.30pm Singapore time, we went directly to our rooms. Bintan was an hour behind Singapore so our timing couldn't be any better, well whaddaya know, it's dinner time! Wow, aside from the fact that it was a buffet, there are a lot of foods around! With all kinds of dessert you can dream of! And an all you can drink house wine! Free! Wheeeee. After the very hearty dinner, we stroll around the hotel, and there were a lot of activities and fun not only for the kids but for the adults too. It was run by hundreds of people around club med, and aside from the chef's, gardeners, waitresses, waiters, there's this group they called G.O. team. *Forgot what it meant, though* This team embraces at least 30 people around from different parts of the country. Some are from Mauritius, Japan, Korea, Australia, France and a lot more. Different people, different cultures, different skin colors, different language. It's like having a holiday in the United Nation. Anyway, going back to my story, after we felt a bit of exhaustion, we went back to our room and took a shower and head back again to the lobby where a bar was located. We played darts, but gone off to bed in an hour. Room was not that good though, if I may say so. It's OK but it's not WOW. Ok, yeah Im a freak. I always look for the interior decoration of the rooms of every hotel I've gone through, so, sorry if i had to steal a few lines about it.

June 24, 2006
A first for me to woke up 7 in the morning singapore time (6 am Bintan time), of my own free will. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, went to the room's terrace and relished the sweet sound of the waves of the ocean few meters away from our room. It was a delight and so tranquil. I literally closed my eyes and let my mind absorbed the
resonance that brought me serenity. I'm a bit OA but I really felt it. So I took my book out and read it in the terrace. Just like what I've been dreaming to do. After a few moment, I woke up ffg. We had our breakfast, then we stroll along the shore. We were aiming to do the windsurfing but unfortunately we can't do that for the reason I can't remember. So we opt for kayaking instead. I was scared at first because I always get sea sick whenever I ride anything that moves on the water. But it was all fun. I had the best time having fun with my baby. Kayaking looks easy for me but I had it all wrong. I have to work my muscles and paddle accordingly to ffg who sat in front of the kayak. After kayaking, we went for sailing with the loudest person ever. He was part of the Club Med team and knows how to maneuver the boat. He said he was from Mauritius, a big black guy but with a golden voice. It's a dream! Feeling the wind on our face, touching the water with someone singing. It's like being part of the LOST series but with a lot of hope to survive and get out of the island. We're moving as far as the wind can blow us and as fast as it could. If the wind stopped, which can be impossible, we'll be trapped in the middle of the sea. Kayaking and Sailing are a first for me so please spare me the space to brag about it. Though nothing of a camera to prove it, it was etched on my memory. A glorious day, it was. And though it's expensive, I'll say you have to try it too. After the tiring activity, we headed for lunch which was followed afterwards with snorkeling. Uh-oh not me. Only ffg. This I have to pass. I've tried it a lot of times but it didn't bring me any good. Yessiree, Sea-sick! I've waited for him on the shore, while reading my book. Good thing I brought a really great book by James Patterson titled "The Lake House". When they got back, we head back to our room, and while waiting for ffg, I dozed off. Tired indeed. When I woke up, it's already dinner time. Talking about good life, huh. Plus the fact that I don't need to cook, hehehe. We had dinner along with ffg's friends, Kit-yan with his wife and daughter, Michael and his gf Noy, and Stephan and Barbara. Had too much wine, hehe. After the dinner, we headed for the bar and the guys played pool. After the game, we went to the lobby and watched Germany - Sweden game. 2-0. Yep, I've survived watching the whole match. And I kinda like it. It was one full pack night.

June 25, 2006
Ok, nothing much to say here. It rained the whole day. And although our ferry's at 5pm, we have to checked out at 11 and leave the hotel at 3.30. We did stroll along the beach for a while half an hour befor it rained. We never get a chance to do any activity. So as all the good things that ends up hastily, we always say, Waahhhhhh, it's over!!!!

Good weekend, though. Sorry to bore with this long article. I just want something to help me remember things like these. =)

Six-Six-O-Six

I guess no matter what you've been through, caused by someone, you can't help remembering them once in a while. Somehow thinking of the what-could-have-beens and what-ifs in your life if they never did a magical desertion causing an emotional tremor. Oh well, life's a bitch. And we can't do anything about it. But this, comes from the bottom of my tattered heart. . .

Happy Birthday, Otrebron!

Azkaban

am i wrong to think that married life will caused you much pain than anything else in the world? am i wrong to be cynic in going through another chapter of life where there's more conflict, verbal abuse and sometimes physical mistreatment, financial difficulties, insecurities and more? Although I'm aware of some of the incomprehensible bliss that this chapter of life brings, still, the unending circumstances of getting hurt is much more intense than the latter. I used to be so agitated about weddings but now that getting married requires a lot of funds, plus the fact that what I've said earlier about married life is not that alluring, I'm hesitating now to be thrilled about it. It's like your paying an expensive "ticket" to a place I now called "Azkaban". I hate to be pessimist about something that I myself haven't experienced yet. But I have walked this far, meeting a lot of people - married people, who have shared their quandaries with me, and I may have not seen the worst or the best part of their life, I'll say I have seen enough to put fear in my heart. This, I say, based on my own opinion and not yearning for others to deem the same way I do. I hope this fear won't be nurtured...

AngMOs

For years it never ends, it never change. It's always been and it always will be. We against those we call by different names. We're not the one who's racist, they are. Or I guess they were just born with a petite body attached to a big dumb head. We call them by different names, which varies according to their etiquette not that they have them, only few were blessed. We have nanay, tatay, kuya, siemens, tapia, bart, manoy, abay, dragon, tenga, dingbats, bopols, spice, bungisngis, bulaklak, silverswan, sisa, utot, ubo, balakang, tibo, tuliro, politiko, tutubi, ingay and many others that most of us we're familiar with those names rather knowing their real bitchy names. They were otherwise known as the "amos". So when some lost staff was around our department asking people by their name, we, the measly sipi's, have no idea who they are. Unless, well it's only known to us, call them by their cutesy moniker which i think very much speak of their personality. Although it's always true that in every rule there is always an exception, and yes, I have been blessed with a team with "amos" that do not belong to the "dark side". Thank God. At least I do not need to deal with that stupendous shallow head of those "uber epal amos". My highschool buddies will definitely deny of who I've become now compare to who I was back then. Well, it pays a bit because as time goes by you have gain the power of knowing your rights in living and working with people from different upbringing, different beliefs and different races.

Mentos Moment

I, have a confession to make, a very amusing narrative that happen to me during our lunch break. After we satiate our cravings for McDonalds twister fries and a free choco sundae, we stroll around toa payoh heading back to our office. We were laughing hard about something and then I thought "excessive happiness" and in an instant I tripped and my right sandals' strap broke. At first, I dragged my feet like a frankenstein on the street but to no avail. One of my friend suggested to carry me on his back - although it was the kindest offer, i decline - ewww ate shawie's pasan ko ang daigdig suddenly flashed back to me hahaha, and one asks me to wait right where Im standing so they can buy a new one for me - awwww so sweet but this too I refuse very kindly. Since I do not want to give them any trouble, I took off my other shoe and throw it in the trash and walked towards the shoe store - barefoot! It was no big deal but I just thought of sharing it with you guys not to add insult to my own injury and totally humiliate myself, but I thought it was kind of funny actually. I didn't yield in to the embarassment of the situation, instead I focused on what needs to be done and of course having a new - although cheaper - pair of shoes. Oh, I couldn't deny what happen earlier bec my friends "documented" it. Hahahaha. Darn!

Be brave little one

It’s been a tough week for her and though I’ve tried to think of the best words that could ease at least a bit of what’s on her shoulders, there’s none but be there for her and listen. Today, in between those sobs, I listened wordlessly, unable to say any reassuring words, and just cried as soon as I put down my phone after that call from her. It’s not a tears of pity nor of hatred to somebody but of uncertainty as to why life was never fair for any of us. It’s iniquitous to let someone who’s famished to see a bag of chips and not let that person have a taste of it. I know that GOD has His own reasons why things like these happen. But I can’t help but question the inexplicable verity of life. Why do we always have to come across a few good things in life that even if we worked hard to get it, it still remain distant and left us in pain and into wondering where will this leads us? Am I right to think that there’s no such thing as utterly bliss? I have walked a thousand miles, scarred, obtain few good reasons to be very happy only to find the equal significant ones to lose their way and out of my hands? I guess she had the wrong choice of friend in me. Because I am not brave and I do not have that “gift” to ebb her pain. I know it’s unbearable and hard and tears won’t stop from falling because it’s all part of it. I can’t tell her it’s ok and to stop worrying because I know it’s not and it won’t go away that easily. So I guess that leaves me worthless??? Ugh, I hate this word.

“Lean on me, not because I’m strong but because GOD is pushing me to stand tall for you." - Inah.Ynna(f)

Mission Accomplished!

Today is a no-work day but we didn't let this day go to waste by just lying around our cribs. We meet up the pasaway kidz at quarter to 2 and went to Toa Payoh Safra to try climbing the wall. Oh yes, you heard it right. WALL CLIMBING! I've been longing to do this for ages, so forgive me if I'll talked about it like it's a big achievement for me hehe.

Anyway, we meet up with the instructor, DIN, and went directly to the customer service to pay for the fee. Since it was raining, and obviously we can't used the outdoor climbing, we were ushered inside the gym to use the indoor climbing. The gym in toa payoh safra wowed me. It was huge with complete fitness equipment and a jacuzzi inside the loo! Or maybe I just got used to see the small, cramped, smelly sight of our gym in HDB, hihihi. But if you gonna ask for my opinion, signing up for membership like this is far better than signing up for a membership with famous fitness centres. Ok, im getting off the tracks. By 3pm, we started by DIN teaching us few tips in climbing and taught us how to secure our harness. Then it's show time! Boss started it and looking at him doing it, the girls got pretty nervous. Hello, we can see the effort! I almost backed up! When it's my turn, DIN clipped the safety rope and attached to my harness. As I started climbing, I found the foot holds and hand grips easy to use, but as I got higher, I found it hard to think where to put my feet on and luckily, DIN patiently assist me on this very first experience of working my ass up to reach the top. Believe me it's not a joke but it surely is a wonderful experience. And those times that we have worked hard going to the gym three times, at least, in a week, wasn't enough. It was a hard work grabbing those hand grips. Oh, by the way, for those 3 attempts, none of us had made it to the top. It was hard! And it's a bit frustrating not to reach the eight square when you have already made it to the seventh. Funny how we feel like the clock is ticking very slowly or we're all just too tired to try it again after three attempts. DIN asked us to try the outdoor since the rain just stopped. And as obedient as a kindergarten, we followed him through the muds. After setting up the clip that will hold the rope, I get to be the one to try it first. It was a bit easier than the one inside because the hand grips and foot holds are easier to grab. Although it's a bit slippery, I, aherm, managed to make it to the top. And yes, I am bragging, hehehe. Because after all those years that I've waited to do this, I really felt a great sense of achievement reaching the top of the wall. It was one hell of an experience! Although most of us are doing climbing for the first time, I could say that all did well, very well in fact. Thanks to our very kind instructor who was patient enough to assist 9 "pasaway" kidz. Thank you Din!

After the tiring activity, we head to Gluttons Bay - the place that's becoming our favorite, and replenish the energy we lost from impersonating the famous Mr Spidey Spiderman. A day's full of fun! Im hoping there will be next time! Yippeeeeeee.

We missed the rest of the pazawayz, Inay and Itay who's very excited preparing for their honeymoon getaway hihihi, Fenk who's enjoying now with her family, Yao who's busy *always* working, Nonoy who's I dunno doesn't want spend fun times with us hehehe, Jack who's uhhhmmmm he's actually not there most of the time hehehe, and G who made it to the glutton's bay... well, after we've consumed most of the food.

Friendster

I was browsing my friendster account the other night hoping i'll get a reply from Quincy (waaaaaaa dvd's ko huhuhu), and I saw my list of friends with the updated profile and saw my bunso's account. So I went through it, and wonder how time pass by so fast that i didn't realize (or i just dont want to accept) how grown up she is even if I've seen her in her debutant gown, 'coz for me she's still my baby. She got tons of pictures of her friends and us *yey andun ako*, pure bliss painted on her sweet angelic face, i silently utter a prayer to God to make her strong and not just her but apple and kendz too, to make them realize the value and sweetness of life's beauty. I hope they won't endure any more pain though I know it's not possible. She had grown up, they all grown up, without me beside them. It's saddens me knowing their friends knows so much about them than me, their own ate. I don't even know what they like now. All that memories I have now about them, i think they have outgrown most of it. Maybe that's the main reason why I still think of them not as a grown up ladies but as little kids. My mind was stuck to tweety, hello kitty and tazmanian devil as their favorites. I still thought that Jollibee tsiken joy can make them ecstatic. There are a lot of things that Ive missed, that I never had the chance to witnessed, that makes me think how far i've been to reach out to them, and sometimes it scares me. I can't make up for those times that was lost. I can't bring back those days when they needed someone to listen to them and celebrate with them during those happy times. Though, I never regret any of me being away from them, i can't say that things like these never occurs my mind. It does, it always do, it's just that "choice" has never been on my side. Thanks to Friendster for I still get a glimpse of what my kidz have become.

Home

he was once lost, unable to find the way
stumble upon a place, baffled, he dwells

life was a moment bliss, utterly inexplicable
through its perplexities, he tried to grasp
accepting amiss, defying the intricacy it convey

but amidst of it all, he resolutes to cease
heart is aching, there is no forever
impaired and shabby, he rise and stride

unleashing its exquisiteness, he grieves
but now without complexities, he's finally home...

Just a thought

I believe that each individual has their own way of solving their plight. Being tough and learning not to be feeble is something that you can not learn even from the best school in the world. It is one of the cynicism of life. There may be times in your life that you will be weak and won't be able to contain yourself from yielding in to some things that were categorized as a wrong doing, but God will always find a way to pick you up and tell you that it's gonna be alright. But you have to realize when it's really time for you to be brave enough to let go of things that you don't want to let go of and worry about the "healing time" afterwards. It's not easy and it will never be. But all wounds heal in time. I may have heard the same old story, I may have step on it sometime in my life, but the way each person fought for it is always different from the other. But I always believe that in every predicament there will always be a lesson learned and that God never fails to alleviate the "heavy loads" you are carrying on your shoulder.

Hour Game

I bought this book accidentally when we were strolling at the carrefour and fortunately they were having a $5 book sale that time. There's not much of titles to check out but since it was Baldacci's, it caught my attention and so I bought it. Now I'm hooked with it and just thought of "googling" the story and found out that it happened in the 60's. About the Zodiac Killer, I mean. Although I haven't finished the book yet, *hehe*, it's what a reader could ask for in a mystery/suspense thriller novel. Maybe I'll try finishing it up so I could really tell if it's worth it. =)

Back Again!

Ok, guilty! Been in and out of blogging world since i don't know know when for some reasons. First, pc games! Im addicted, im hooked, im drawn to it. Second, just started my program *thanks ulrik*, and I've been regularly going to the gym for 3 weeks! Third, Badminton. I just feel like there's too much going on so I cant find the time to even write a short hello to the bloggin world. You'll forgive me, right?

Anyway, ffg's BIL, will be staying with us until June, *i think*. My cousin's hubby is going back to Manila for good =( *sniff, la na ko kuya dito*, my bebi apple got a job, my family's doing well, my relationship's doing ok after a big storm, my work's doing well - been trying to upgrade my skills *thanks bossing* and it'll be ending on September, my friend pagong got something going on with her and Im very happy for her, envy of course but very much happy for you hehehe, Eian and Edward along with the kidz will be moving back to singapore yipeee, talked to Annie and she seems doing fine *mishu mars*, don't know anything about Joey hehehe, watched Fort Minor concert few months ago, hmmm what else, Oh these are the good things that's happening to me right now, and the not so good things list is very long so I thought of not writing it here. I always thank GOD for all the things and blessings Ive had and I'll always will.

So for now, that's all folks! 'Till next and promise that next time won't be as long as ive been idle before... i hope.

One of those days

how do u get over of something that depresses you?
you talked about your feelings, they give you advise
but does it make any difference or was it the same thing?

is happiness only over rated?
do u have to feel the pain to have a taste of glee?
can't we just live life full of euphoria?

only you can make your life easier without any complications
only you can lighten up the burden you're carrying on ur back
do you reckon the things that could really let you feel the bliss?

you divulge it to people, you write to your blog
did it solve any of it, or did you just whisper to the wind?

Back again!

I have been idle for God knows how long. I've been busy. I have walked in an emotional tunnel but no worries, just like the past years of my life, I have walked out of it, undamaged... i hope. I have been busy at work, for the first time. A week's overtime is a first for me. Idiocy devours my sanity again. For the second time i lost my handphone and i think stupidity is a very kind word for it. But I managed to have a new phone that I really like, thanks to my angel. My sister got a job. My bunso got a part time job. My mom worries about me. I got friends who sometimes make my life miserable but all the time making it wonderful. Thousand blessings to thank God and a few things to lament. Still, I am so grateful for the way my book of life is written. There may be hundred things that I want to have in my hands now, but I know it's not yet the right time. I have to believe that one's happiness lies not in the completeness of the things we wanted but in the contentment with the things we have now. Life's miserable if we aim for the things we know we can't have at the moment. I hope I could live my life with this saying. =) 'Till next... I'm finally back!

Abril

abril na.
panibagong buwan.
panibagong pahina na naman ng kalendaryong pipilasin ko.
narito pa rin ako.
nagiintay.
umaasang nawa'y mapansin mo sa kahit anong paraan.
lahat ng ingay ginawa ko na, narinig mo ba ako?
ikaw lang ang iniintay ko.
marami mang dumating, ikaw pa rin ang iintayin ko.
... dumating man ang disyembre, ikaw at ikaw pa rin.

rant

how long will you let fear control your sanity and trashed the unprejudiced personality in you?

do u always wish for things to be running the way it has been until you meet the end?

never let someone feel bad about something bec u never know how hard it is for them to keep that smile while hurting.

Thanks

I appreciate the kindness and concern... very much. God knows how glad I am for people like you. But I believe in the saying "Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." Friends don't need to talk about what's in the past. There are things that can be easily forgotten and go back to the things they used to be, but there are things that's said and done and cannot undo just like that. Some things happen without us realizing that we tend to hurt the people we care about without any intention. I may have hurt few people but i have my own reasons and I expect you to respect that as I am respecting your reasons for hurting me.

Rumour has it

"I didn't come here to tell you I can't live without you. I can live without you. I just don't want to." - Sarah Huttinger (Rumour Has It)

Let's do our part

"An entire barangay (village) was literally wiped out last Friday, 17 February 2006, when a mudslide buried Guinsaugon, one of 30 barangays in St. Bernard town, Southern Leyte. Close to 2,000 people were estimated to have been buried in an instant."

*A demise that once again breaks the hearts of many people especially mine. I didn't post much of it for no reason. There's not much we can do but to pray and help by donating few cents from our pocket that could be a big help to those in need so here's few ways to help. Leyte Blogspot

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Message from the Phil Embassy in Singapore
To all Filcom Leaders/ Organizations:
Re: 22 Feb 06 email on donation for landslide victims, kindly note that donations may be made directly to the following Philippine agencies:

I. Philippine National Red Cross (PNRC) at the following bank account numbers:
Peso Account
Bank : MetroBank, Port Area Branch
Account : Philippine National Red Cross
Account No. : SA-3-041-63122-8

Bank : Bank of the Philippine Islands, UN Avenue Branch
Account : Philippine National Red Cross
Account No. : SA-8114 ? 0308 - 4

Bank : MetroBank, Port Area Branch
Account : PNRC ? Southern Leyte Relief Operations
Account No. : SA- 151-3-15151391-4

Dollar Account
Bank : MetroBank, Port Area Branch
Account : Philippine National Red Cross
Account No. : SA-2-151-00218-2
Swift Code : MBTC PHMM

Contact Person : Mr. Victor A. Liozo, Jr.
Secretary General, PNRC
Tel: (632)524-5787/Fax: 527-5981/
Telefax: 527-0857

Ms. Gwendolyn Pang
Director of Fund Generation
Mobile No: +63-917827-7421
Email: gwenpang@redcross.org.ph (24 hrs)

II. Department of Social Welfare and Development
Disaster Response Operation Monitoring & Information Center, (DROMIC), Batasan Pambansa Complex, Constitution Hills, Quezon City, Philippines.

Bank : Landbank of the Philippines,
Batasan Branch
Account Name : DSWD Donation
Account No. : 3122-1011-84
Contact Person : Ms. Vilma Cabrera, Director IV, Program Mgt. Bureau
DSWD (Tel : 632-9319147/Fax : 632-951-2801)


III. Department of Health
(donation of medicines)

Contact Person : Dr. Carmencita Banatin
Director III, Health Management Staff Department of Health
Attn: Ms. Merlina Villamin, Logistics Officer
Tel : (632) 929-6923
Telefax : (632) 929-6867/929-6827


Those who wish to donate items indicated in the "Wish List", you may drop them at :
1) Filipino Association of Singapore (FAS)
C/o Afreight Cargo
Unit 03-19 Lucky Plaza (Orchard Road)

2) Prudential Life Plans, Inc.
#03-01A Lucky Plaza (Orchard Road)

3) Philippine Embassy
20 Nassim Road

Deadline for dropping of items at the Embassy and at Lucky Plaza is on April 9, 2006.

We would appreciate if you could inform your members and friends on this update.

Thank you.

-----------------------------------------

Hello Again

unexpectedly u see someone u once knew
time stopped, contemplating what u feel
was it bliss? was it pain?
or was it something of mixed emotions?
that moment u wanted to say hi
but something held u, decided not to
abruptly u were brought back to the past
and everything that u tried to disregard
all came apparently and vividly
and so u asked urself only one question
why do i have to run into you?


"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever." - Ally McBeal

Leyte Landslide

Tragedy strikes disaster-prone Leyte island again

SOME of the Philippines' worst disasters -- and one of the country's biggest moments in history -- have involved Leyte, one of the largest of the archipelago's 7,100 islands.

Hundreds may have been killed when a landslide Friday buried an entire farming village in thick mud and house-sized boulders.

Leyte etched its place in history after it was chosen by General Douglas MacArthur as the beachhead for his return to the Philippines, a former US colony, to liberate the country from Japanese troops in 1944.

The famous October 20, 1944, Leyte landing by MacArthur fulfilled his "I shall return" promise to the Philippines, and preceded the October 22-27 Battle of Leyte Gulf that involved more than 730 ships in one of history's largest naval battles.

Leyte's most famous daughter, former first lady Imelda Marcos, said she entertained MacArthur and liberation troops by singing for them.

More recently, the island has been linked to disasters, both natural and manmade.

In December 1987, the ferry MV Dona Paz -- carrying passengers from Leyte and nearby Samar island to Manila -- sank after colliding with a fuel tanker in the central Philippines, killing 4,340 people. It was considered the worst peacetime shipping disaster.

In October the following year, the Paz's sister ship, Dona Marilyn, which was sailing from Manila to Leyte, sank during a typhoon, killing about 250 people.

Tragedy struck the island again in November 1991 when a flash flood swept down from the hills into Ormoc city on the western side of Leyte, killing about 6,000 people. A landslide in San Francisco, in southern Leyte province in December 2003, killed 133 people.

The island, about 560 kilometers (350 miles) southeast of Manila, is in the path of most of the typhoons that sweep from the Southern Pacific to the Philippines, and its southern portion experiences rainfall most of the year.

Name Game

Saw this from one of the random blogs i've been reading tonight. So I thought, why not? :)

FAYE
Your name of Faye has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission. You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people. You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain. You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.

Although the name Faye creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses through worry, mental tension, and tension or accidents to the head.

Testi

Have anyone ever said the nicest thing to you? After my uber drama "wadaydu" article last night, i logged on to my friendster account and saw that i have a pending testimonial. While going through it, I utter a simple thanks to God for showing me that I still have friends. =) Thanks bebit. You just don't know how this thing had helped me, to think that this message was sent 4 days ago. Labsyu! =)

"a girl hu transformed from girlie to nene to hani(?!?) wadahel! nyahaha! during our 1st encounter *prang masagwa* i was kinda aloof of her. she strikes as a high-class sophisticated bitz (naks!) but as d tide moved on, we shared a friendship dat rily touches my heart, soul and spirit *syet san b papunta to..di ako lesbo framis!* i can prove dat she rily treasures friends as if dey are rily part of her system. just dont mess with her, ul c d haunted enormous bitz in her! she's a cool gal, likes to hang out *ICB woohoo!!!* and sudoku adik lately hehe! d chatroom is dull w/o her.. *kahit cno kinukulit!*... hani, it's been tough i know, but rmber dat we're walking besides u *topa topa barega na to!* i'm so hapi about 'd stone' but life has twist n turns dat we jst hav 2 deal with..so be strong. let's doh it! hehe! cheers! aylafyu! mwah! :)"

Life is...

"Life is about letting go not holding on. Life is about three things. 1. if you have loved deeply, 2. if you have lived fully and lastly, 3. if you have let go of the things or people you care about." Inspirational words shared by the priest during the mass. I thought of sharing it to all of you too. Help me to offer a prayer for the people who passed away in the Wowowee Stampede. May God help the families of those people to be strong.

Wawawi Stampede

The stampede news saddened me. Every filipino mourns. My deepest sympathy to the family of those who have died in the stampede. A prayer is the only thing I can do to offer as of this moment. This is not the time to put the blame on anybody but to focus on the things that need to be done. =(

TV network cancels anniversary celebration of noontime show
First posted 12:26pm (Mla time) Feb 04, 2006
INQ7.net, Agence France-Presse

(UPDATE) ABS-CBN Network has cancelled the first anniversary celebration of its noontime show after over 70 people were killed and scores were injured in a stampede at the stadium where the program was to be held.

Charo Santos-Concio, a top executive of the television station, and "Wowowee" host Willie Revillame made the announcement in a brief telecast of the program, hours after the tragedy at the Philsports arena, previously known as ULTRA, in Pasig City early Saturday.

Revillame made a brief appearance inside the stadium, where thousands of people were already gathered, to apologize for the accident and condole with the families of the victims.

Revillame was in tears as he appealed to the audience to understand the decision by the station to postpone the celebration.

Earlier on Saturday, Revillame said he wanted the show to go on.

Thousands of people from poor communities had been lining up to get a seat inside the Ultra Stadium in eastern Manila for the noontime show when the stampede occurred at dawn.

The show offers a one million-peso top prize, attracting people from poor areas of Manila and far-flung provincial areas.

Hours later, thousands of surviving fans were still queuing for the show, despite the deadly stampede, waiting to enter the stadium.

"We only wanted to make these people happy and to help the poor," Revillame said, breaking down during an interview aired by the station immediately after the tragedy.

"I want the show to go on. I can't stop this. The people have suffered enough." He also appealed to fans who were still at home to refrain from going to the stadium.

He said Saturday's show would mark the first anniversary of the program, and that the show was offering two top prizes of one million pesos each -- a fortune to the 40 percent of Filipinos who live on two dollars a day or less.

Revillame said the station was used to having up to 5,000 people line up outside the studio gates on the nights before the weekend program, but that it had never before hosted the show at the Ultra stadium.

"Some would come from far-flung places, groups of families who would hire one mini-bus and agree to split the prize if one of them won," he added.

Revillame said he had made it a point to stage the game shows at other provincial centers several times during the past year. "We would pick places where the poor are hard-up," he added.

"This is a program that intends to help Filipinos, especially the poor," he said.

---------

74 people died, mostly were elderly women
nearly 400 injured

Other Related News:
Reuters
Taipei Times
Indian Express

Enero

The last week of January had brought me a lot of happy memories. Well, a good thing to start my new year right. And I thank GOD for the chances that He always gave me to put a smile on my face. A thousand reasons to always look forward to a brand new day :)

Jan 01 - Great way to start the year! I was celebrating it with my family watching a movie, shopping and dining out!

Jan 02 - Saddest maybe but not entirely. Still glad I spend my christmas vacation with my family. =) And fun part of it was having a brunch at Chowking with my family - all 6 of us!

Jan 09 - Ate Kendz's 24th Birthday! Bebi's back in town yipee.

Jan 10 - Holiday.

Jan 20 - Watched "Memoirs of a Geisha" with friends. Nightout at ICB with Bebi Boo.

Jan 21 - Couzin Jun and Couzin Aidz spent the night with us having dinner and drinking booz till the wee hours of the night. Family Bonding! Yawza!

Jan 22 - Bebit's Bday and Baby Shower party!

Jan 25 - Our 7th Yr Anniv! Bebi sent me flowers in the office and we had dinner at Mandarin Oriental. Fab and sweet!

Jan 27 - Cich's bday celebration. Im always having fun playing with kidz :) Lately, I hope it's not that obvious having a favoritism, but I love playing with a one year old pretty bebi Jaja. She knows how to tickle one's heart :)

Jan 28 to 29 - Bintan Time!!!

Jan 30 - We went to Sentosa to check out the flower festival. I took a lot of pictures and I'm proud of some of the shots hihi.

Jan 31 - spent the time cleaning and doing my laundry. watched run with dick and jane.

That was my january memories. Im adding it now to my happy box so when things aren't that pretty, i can always have thousand reasons to smile :) Im now hoping for 11 more months of blissful memories :) Hope y'all had whole lotta month of fun!

What's keeping me busy these days?

There are times that you have to face the day all by yourself, and that one time became constant, you'll find something that will entertain you for a while, to keep your mind away from your chaotic life... SUDOKU is what's keeping me busy now. But I'll be back. In fact, I got lots of articles on my thumbdrive that needs to be posted. I'll find time, if I can. Maybe after Christmas. Maybe after I lost my patience on this sudoku puzzle. Maybe after I run out of things to do.

i know i've missed a lot of blogs to read. i forgot how my inaanak looks like bec i haven't got time to visit my mare's site. i don't know what's going on with joey. i don't know which of my favorite blog site's are updated. have to find time. got to.

Current Mood: hyper active but tired

Happy Anniversary!

I didn't realize it's already been a year. I was and still am proud to have it etched on my skin. Happy Birthday, Ankh!

for previous blogs about it, check this out!

The Broker

I've read number of novels by John Grisham and I've grown to love every story he created. The broker had helped me relive my desire to learn italian, but overall, the story is not what i expect from grisham's that are breakneck pace, page-turner kind of story. But I guess a different route to the usual scenery won't do any harm. I still find it enjoyable, after all.

"Space is shared in Europe, not protected. Tables are shared, the air evidently is shared because smoking bothers no one. Cars, houses, buses, apartments, cafes -- so many important aspects of life are smaller, thus more cramped, thus more willingly shared."

"Cappuccino can only be ordered before 10:30 am after that only espresso are served"

Been a long time

still not in the mood of blogging some of my thoughts at the moment, though honestly i miss doing it. i miss writing. so for the past few weeks that i've missed, here are some of the things that happened to me though not detailed i still want to remember some of it through this blog.

september 2
while i was out at a friend's place having laughs, i got my sister's sms about my dear grandmother - inang's demise. *inang was my mom's mom* i was crying on my way home not minding the taxi driver, thinking how exactly it has been a year the last time i saw her at my bunso's debut, not knowing it will be the last time that i'll be able to hugged her. and so i decided to at least bid her goodbye and pay respect.

and so i went home 8th of september for my inang's burial. inang was 89 but we're still saddened by her death. it was really a loss but i know it's best for her. she's always sick and God knows how much pain she's suffering. it was my aunt, my mom's youngest sister who's been taking care of inang for GOD knows how long, still single and that's another story, seeing her just breaks my heart. she's now alone by herself, with the "pasa load" as her only means of living, i hope GOD will give her more strength. i was back here in singapore sunday afternoon with a very heavy heart. =( thanks to all my friends who sms me to console me and to bebikoh who's always there for me.

the rainbow after the heavy rain
i think everyone knows how much i love kids so i was really ecstatic when a friend of mine asks me to be one of the lucky "ninangs" of her now two months baby *if im not mistaken, hehe*. thanks thanks po =)

Huh!

It's 4 am and im still wide awake.
I can't sleep.
Something's bothering me.
I just read something that's not meant to be read.
This solitude i feel, i can't explain.
I hope im wrong. I hope it's just my fear that's clouding my sanity.

Koks

it's not everyday
that i meet people like u
someone i can keep
someone i can call friend

a friend who makes me laugh
when nothing but frown paints my face

a friend who tells me bluntly
when my mood swings & being childish

a friend whom i'll run to
when i need someone to talk to

a friend who listens to me whine
a friend who values my opinion
a friend who considers me as one

for all the good times we shared
for all the sharings weve had
for all the inspirational thoughts you impart
although not enough, thank you is all i can utter

one piece of advice:
don't just sit there and wait for things to happen. it never work that way. act on it.=) goodluck!

Birthday 2005

I woke up late but with a big smile on my face looking forward to the day ahead of me. I know it will be nothing compared to my ordinary days. A lot of friends greeted me through sms and pap. Thanks so much! You don't know how much it means to me. A birthday cake and a lovely present and a card from my hadaba frens elates my spirit. I appreciate it very much though it seem that i am not, i just kinda have that "shy" feeling bec im not used to that kind of attention so pardon me. After that little "party", i went to suntec to meet bebikoh. We had dinner at Equinox with a fantastic and very romantic view. It was a lovely and sumptous dinner. Thanks bebikoh. I keep on falling for you every single day. As soon as we got home, I open my email and friendster account. Thanks to all the people who greeted me. Thanks for making this day meaningful and memorable. Above all, thank you Lord for you have given me another year to be with the people i love, to take care of the things i still need to do, and correct the mistakes ive done in the past. Ive aged but i became wiser than ever and none of the things ive done makes me regret any of it because it had taught me things that have made me a better person now.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

ive finished the harry potter book 6, finally. and in as much enthusiasm as i want to retell at least the summary or the highlights of the story i couldn't do so for i am not sure if everyone have managed to finished the book. if not, better do it now. it's one of the good books that can't be missed. few things though that i just can't pass - melancholy fills my heart at the end of the story and up to the last word of the last chapter i was hoping something would eradicate the sadness. but overall, the story is remarkably good. rowling's implausible brilliance soar once again. and i am now eager to get my grip on the final book.

Seven Things

Seven random facts about myself:
- hates stupidity and "user-friendly" people
- hates horror movies
- sentimental fool
- loves books, watching movies, clubbing, chino
- frustrated writer *thanks to blog*
- crazy about babies and kids *that are not brat hihihi*
- bore a tattoo that explicates my life

Seven things that scares me
- blood
- heights
- horror movies / dark places
- losing someone
- bugs/spiders/snakes
- interviews
- the thought of me not having a baby someday

Seven things I like most:
- spending time with my family and bebikoh
- books
- pralines
- big hug / kiss on the forehead
- blogging
- travelling
- coffee, chino

Seven important things in my bedroom:
- little altar
- mini library
- gadgets
- documents
- my bags
- my clothes *hihihi*
- candles

Seven things that I plan to do before I die:
- tour europe
- see mariah in person
- write my own book
- a business of my own
- get over the things that scares me
- climb a mountain
- have intimate relationship with God

Seven things I can do:
- cook *yeyyy*
- write stuff
- draw cartoons
- sleep all day *nyahaha*
- design web pages
- cry at movies
- read book all day

Seven things I can't do:
- sing
- keeping plants or a pet alive
- write staid poems / articles
- deal with stress / dilemma / pain
- confidence
- wake up early
- save money!

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
- scent
- eyes
- sense of humour
- knowledgeable
- hot bod
- the way they dress up
-

Seven things you say the most:
-

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign):
- Bruce Willis
- Vin Diesel
- Cameron Diaz
- Julia Roberts
- Richard Gere
- Allan Wu
- Rommel Abdon *har har*

Labnowts

"Sometimes the only permanence we find is in what other people lose. Feeling sorry for someone can make us irrational when it comes to love."

"It is inevitable that people sometimes have to get hurt to make others happy."

"There is a time and a season for everything. Be thankful that you have been blessed with the gift of true love. And always remember that sometimes the opportunity to be with a person we love comes only once in a lifetime. Don’t miss this chance. It might not come again."

Come Away With Me

I got the chance to attend a posh party that rarely happens in my unfabulous life.

5.00 pm - We're already preparing, thinking of what to wear, and with the few dresses I have, I thought of wearing the black one that i've never used since I bought it. But I don't feel like wearing a dress eventhough I know that the place that we'll be going to is like the JS Prom of the adults. So I settled on wearing my black pants, pink satin-spaghetti strap blouse and a ruffled knitted top or whatever that is, of course with the consent of my fashion guru cum gorgeous escort. We arrived at the Asian Civilization Museum a little early. A guy from the registration corner took a shot of us with a polaroid *which is a wonderful idea* and glued it in a guestbook. We had cocktails and hors devours while a jazz band was playing on the corner. It was a non-alcoholic party so I never doubt having two or more glasses of the cocktail they're serving. It was uneasy at first bec reason #1 - I don't know any damn soul there and I'm not the kind of person to start a conversation with just anybody so I tag along with my bebi *thanks really, for not leaving me alone. i hope i didn't annoyed you*, #2 - i look around and there it is, every woman i saw is wearing a dress not that i felt belittled i just felt uncomfortable at first, but that's ok bec as long as im comfortable with what im wearing and hello im still presentable *hahaha honestly i didn't regret for a second for not wearing that black dress*. Anyway, moving on. Exactly 8 pm, we're already inside the ballroom where at least 15 or more tables were there. The menu was personalized and they have managed to arranged the seat along with my bebi's friends. *Thankfully*

The program starts with the newly wed's grand entrance. A little out of the way by giving you a bit of something about the couple *though, i myself don't really know them that well*. Matthias, the groom, is from Switzerland working in UBS. Hodda, the bride, is from a Malay-Arab descent that had spent her entire childhood here in Singapore. They've met in a party and from there the love blossomed. *they've been to my birthday party last year and I was really glad that they end up together* Going back to my story, the emcee who's a good friend of the bride, shows a slideshow of the couple's pictures when they were young. After the presentation, we were served with a shrimp salad followed by the pumpkin soup and a chicken for the main course *which is not advisable for people who are starving hehe* and a buffet of dessert and a coffee. All served by the Blue Ginger Restaurant. In the background, serenading us was the Jazz Band who had a woman singing with a remarkable voice that later on we found out were performing at Harry's Bar in Boat Quay. *another idea for a wedding hehe* They were really really great and you'll be sorry not to hear them play.

Theirs wasn't just a union of love but of two cultures, of two different worlds, of two different skin color joining together as one. And I was lucky to be one of the guests to witness this kind of love. In the program, there was the slideshow presentation of the bride and grooms, a belly dancing presentation, a salsa number, one of the big boss playing the alphorn, the couple's traditional malay wedding the day before this, and the groom did a wonderful job in putting the right words full of love and compassion with the bride. The bride, well, at least, she took the opportunity to thank everybody else. The night, they end with a "Come away with me" song with the couple dancing which later on joined by almost every couple in the room *except our group hehe*.

All in all, I had a wonderful posh evening. It wasn't the best time of my life, maybe, but it sure is one of the unforgettable ones. *Sigh*

My Weekend Antics

Friday Night wasn't that bad 'coz I spent the night at Mame Ces' place since it was their ROM anniversary. After dinner we played Bingo and I really suck! I won at the last set well at least along with four others I think. It was a fun game. Got home before midnight.

Saturday morning was the usual. Waking up late, taking late lunch and blogging of course. Bebikoh and I went out around 6pm strolling around orchard. Merienda at McDonalds and my favorite kayatos. We're suppose to be watching a movie but it seems everybody else's schedule for the day is set for that so we opt to "people watching" at Spinelli while sipping chino *which is very good*. Bebikoh and I had a talk - a serious kind of talk - talk. Saw these three ladies having a good time at the other table and I can't help but missed the good times I had with my very good friends - Annie and Eian. We used to hang out together attending different parties and going to bars. How I miss those times that I had to tell "my date" about it. Being wonderful that he is, always wanting to make me happy, we went to Que Pasa which is somewhere in Orchard *beside ICB*. We had each glass of wine and beef stew. By the way, BEEF STEW is great and you really have to try it! And that's how my saturday ends.

Sunday, we had our lunch in Paya Lebar since the Kare Kare plan was postponed again. Then we bought the drinks and paper plates that we need this coming friday for my *yeyyy* birthday party. Sunday night was fabulous. We were invited to a wedding dinner at the Asian Civilization Museum near Fullerton by my bebikoh's colleague. A party that never happens every year. Very posh and elite. (Detailed story here) We got home past midnight. Thank you bebi for the wonderful and fabulous weekend.

im turning 29!

im turning 29 on the 25th of this month and i dont know about you but i always feel ecstatic whenever my birthday is coming.

when i was a kid i would always look forward to it bec i knew then that inspite of my dad's meagre earnings, my mom would buy me anything new, may it be shoes, or clothes or toys and cooked pansit on my birthday. i guess that's her guilt-free way of making us happy on our special day than spending more on a party. and when i figured that out, i teased her about it and she would just laugh.

but now it's different. it still is the same natural high and same agitation, but the "new things" along with the "pansit" have revolutionized into something more meaningful in life - more mature. not that im dropping off the simplicity of it all, i just moved into a higher level, more appropriate in my age.

the uncertainty had morphed into what would this year bring me. the higher my age increases, the more memoirs ive gained. all different from the others. the agitation of what i'll face on my 29th year, i will never know.

Friends

ive walked a thousand miles apart from where ive been meeting strangers that never occurred to me will be my friends and considered me as one. my life intertwined with others for a moment for reasons that sometimes i dont understand and only God knows what was beyond those reasons. and with each phase that its time to say adieu, i felt the twinge and tears have always been my solitary way of releasing at least half of that pain. why does it hurt to have friends? why do i even bother letting them in to my life? and then i remember the countless reasons why.

they make me laugh in their own silly way when my day seems so clouded;

they always have their way of telling me when im being a bitch and when im doing something good;

they make me exist by confiding in me their dilemmas and asking for my advice or what i think of is right or just be that someone who'll just listen;

they helped me to expand the little acumen i have which i thought is enough for me to go on with my journey;

they assist me in embracing the treasures i have;

and there are more... and then those tears and pain suddenly becomes insignificant with all the little bliss that theyve given me and partake in my life. i'll never get tired of this for i know that at least i have something to look back to and reminisce when i grow old. if i didn't, my life would be an empty book without chapters or stories to tell. pristine condition but lifeless. i would rather be the tattered book with a thousand stories to tell.

one kind word

when at times you're too stressed at work and all you want at the end of the day is go home and rest but somehow you thought of dropping by at your favorite hangout even for a minute and with just one kind word from a friend everything vanished just like that. And then you smile not just bec of the compliment but bec there are friends who in their own silly way can still make you laugh inspite of the tough day you've had.

speck of life

sleeping and waking up late has been on my system that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how many times i'll repeatedly tell myself in the morning that ill be sleeping at 11pm and wake up at 7am.

i took a cab, which took me @#%! 15 minutes to get one, and silently swearing why im doing the same thing everyday. and as we strode along PIE, we passed by a construction site.

i felt shallow and selfish for complaining everyday. these workers comes to work before the sun rises, toil heavily under the sun, respiring a polluted air, lifting heavy objects and taking home only a fraction of what i earn from sitting on a cosy chair in an air-conditioned office and practically complaining the whole day of how boring my life is.

sometimes we need to open our eyes and let few specks get in so when you blink for a moment you can visibly see the beauty of what's in front of you.

Bloopers

it was quarter to six and since ive been busy the whole day i didnt have time to think of what we'll be having for dinner so i list down the things i need to buy. i put my pda inside my bag and then my phone and then my kikay kit and then my...

me: "wtf, my wallet!"

i went to my friend cich and asked her if she saw my wallet, and she said no. i send my lunch mates a message asking them about my wallet and some of them, which is not unusual, make a joke about it. so i sigh and felt relieved assuming they have it, but after a few messages and jokes, i realized that none of them really got my wallet. =( teary-eyed, *ok i was crying!* i called bebikoh and told him about it. i was so down. *baffled as i may be, i still remember to get the red ribbon cake that cich brought for me all the way from the philippines hehehe - tenchu cich mwah* all my money was there, my credit card, my atm card and my ic! cich was so kind enough to go with me to the mcdonalds. and i lighten up when i saw that the manager recognized us - meaning they got my wallet. and they did!!!! and im happy now... very much... and very much indebted to the crew and manager of toa payoh mcdonalds. there still are people who have a kind heart. tenchu tenchu!

Supah Momma's

Mommy Gladys just gave me this souvenir with a "Thank You for coming" from her daughter - Jewel's 1st birthday. I was feeling sorry, really, bec I didn't go to that party. No excuses. Period. And when I look at the souvenir, a july-august calendar with her baby's picture on it on a small cd case, I thought how lucky their kidz are. *so I thought of writing it so I'll have memories of how I should be when I become a mom* I can't imagine how hard it is to be a very busy mom. Attending to your kidz needs, to your hubby's needz, having unendless thread of patience, working in the office and doing few chores at home, if you're lucky to have a help. And on their kidz' birthday, they spend their only free time to rest to do such things as souvenirs and decorations for the party and food and a lot more just to give their babies a wonderful and unforgettable birthday! Wow! Being a great mom and a loving wife is something that I don't think I can handle.

To the bibo and wonderful mami's (Mami Gladys, Mami S, Mami Maidy, Muder Lenny and Kumareng Mommy Ghie) -- *even if it's not mother's day*, saludo po ako sa inyo! =)

Torn between two love

At times, we thought we know the things that could complete our bliss but when something came along we get distracted by it and forgot who we are and where we stand and what could really make us happy. This story from lovenotes could help some of us cling on to the things that matters most to us and take a second look to the things we once aspire to have. - lairofeilrig

"Marriage is a bond that is meant to last a lifetime. Its permanency is the very reason why we have to be positively sure of our intention to marry someone."

"Before we finally solemnize our vows for marriage, our relationship with our would be life-long partner must always stand the final test. Somehow, God has his way of making us aware of our real feelings which we could use to validate our decisions to marry someone. But God doesn't make these decisions for us. He just opens our eyes and allows us to see what truly lies within our hearts."

"This is not just a test but also a path which you have to take. It won't be easy, for the road you will choose will decisively play an important role in your life. Don't get too easily carried away by sweeping emotions. Sometimes our hearts can mislead us and impair our rational and sensible judgement. "

"You can never row a boat on two rivers at the same time. There is no point in letting someone hang on to something that isn't there anymore and blindly hope for someone who never truly belonged to them."

Being sad

Not feeling well.
Need time to take things and absorb them lightly.
Good things dont last.
Goodbye's make you cry.
I am sad.
I felt no hint of bliss.
Craving for sleep.
Sleep takes you anywhere but where u are at the moment.
I'll miss the everyday "ate" and fun and crazy things we do.
Food trip. Chocolates. Sodas. Movies.
I'll miss you, kendz. =(

Current mood: Uber sad :~(

Ouch

the wound u have keeps on hurting and there is nothing else for you to soothe the pain but to sit and wait and be numb until it subsides. until you get over it and then pick up where u stand and then move on. you know that it'll heal soon. but what if the strength you have won't hold up to that intensity of anguish? just a thought...

Heart Attack

I saw my friend's nick online just weeks ago and sent her a message.

ME: "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Mustaaaaaaaaa?"
HER: "Helloooooooooo! Miss you na bruha! Ako eto broke. Broke - financially and emotionally. Hahaha ang drama kaagad noh? Ikaw musta?"
ME: "Haha gagah! Im ok. Still trying to do my best to enjoy life hehehe. What's with the broken tsutsu?"

And in 30 minutes she had told me what that BROKE was all about. it seems like yesterday when both of them found themselves attracted to one another. But it's been a year. It's been that long that they have been pretending that nothing happen, that everything is normal just the way it was, that admittingly it was there once but not this time. I guess no one knew that blurting out what you feel is not something you can get back and hide again so that no one else will get hurt.

Did you ever believe that saying that when you love or felt something for someone it is just right to let the person know no matter what detriments it may bring? Maybe for some people it works perfectly but it never applies to everyone. And they were one of those latter. She said she just misses him. She miss talking to someone who can understands her and make her smile amidst of the little storms in her life. "I feel your pain, bru", I know that because I know how it feels. "You'll get by", i told her as i i always do to my friends enduring such 'heart attack' when i felt like there's nothing better for me to soothe their pain. "I know", she said, and we bid goodbye.

*a msg from her to you if you happen to stumble upon this: she misses you and she felt jealous sometimes when you're fooling with other girls but she said she dont have the right. she misses you like crazy. i ask for your name but she said you'll know it the moment u read it. take care and i hope u know you matters to her.

Poignant

heart's crushed
when you speak
amidst of sobs
unending mourn

i look up the sky i see rain
when will it stop? when will it end?
drenched and bushed rest i seek
serene mind harder to reach

i linger till the rain ends
each chapter never shines
this path i took always dim

Eilrig's Return

Today is my official "comeback" day. I've dozed off for a month and been neglecting my blog for a while. Well, nothing much happens except for the big changes. Been busy packing and unpacking all our stuff since we moved to a new place not far from where we used to stay. I didn't realize how much stuff we have and how much trash we've been keeping for years. Exhausting but now it's ok at least half of it. And I can see now the real beauty of the place hehehe. Good thing Annie and her hubby's still here to help us. The past few weeks that we all shared together was something that I can never forget. Today at 6.30 am we saw them off and bid goodbye. Saddest thing for me but knowing that I can still see Annie few weeks from now still makes me feel that she's not that far yet till she moved to LA. Goodbye time once again. Have to be tough, gurl. And then from the airport I snatched 30 minutes sleep and then kendz and I went to Immigration to plead for at least another week so she can at least make it to bebikoh's bday. It's very stressful. As much as I want her to stay, things happen as if they were oppose to what I wanted. But I leave it all up to GOD. I know HE got better things for my sister. So, after talking to the immigration officer who happens to be so strict with the rules, after all the pleading, we at least somehow convince him to give her at least additional one more week IF we can provide a confirm ticket. No problem, officer! I know that It'll be hard for my sister bec she's very emotional, i just hope that she'll take it lightly. At least she can see our family now after 3 long months. Three long months, huh? It feels like its only been a week. Whew! Days fly by so fast, really. Wow a lot of things are happenning that's making me sad. It's true that when it rains it pours. Only to me they were'nt a good thing.

What now?

i believe now the saying how you'll miss someone when they're gone. i dont want to entertain the thought. it might mean something or not, important thing is im missing someone. im facing an insignificant quandary at the moment and im longing to talk to someone when no one is there and the first person you thought about is this someone. sad isnt it? its like grasping for something that you can't hold on to. and the gratification pays only when you're able to see that someone, even if the veracity of it all is that this person won't be able to complete the bliss you're longing to have. *deep sigh* i guess that's what life is all about. it's what it should be. *xav's favorite quote* life is better but not perfect.

How does it feel

have u ever wondered
what it feels like
to be somebody else but yourself?
to feel the touch of your own hands,
to hear your own voice when you're being sweet,
to feel the warmth of your own embrace,
to feel the gaze of your own eyes
to see the flaws and beauty of your being
to smell the sweet scent of your own perfume
to feel the touch of your own hair
to know the effect of your own presence
to feel the candour of your own sympathy

i wonder if i can do all these things
so i can see & change whatever it is that's missing
to give bliss to somebody deserving
and be perfect for that person im loving

Change

"everyday of my life i watched him sleep
serenity fills me seeing him doze so deep
the manly scent of his perfume
the warmth he brings when he's beside me
some days i asked what's inside those dreams
what he always think and what he longed to have
what if it's someone else but me?
i got sad and bow my head down
and there i hear the beating of his heart
i close my eyes and listen to the beat
and then i smile and drift to sleep"

how do u fall in love so much to someone and not dreading the possibility of getting hurt? having that feeling of certainty in "forever" and doing things without the shadow of fear are one of life's leisures that some people like me can't seem to afford no matter what i do. the apprehension of the word "CHANGE" devours my sanity. i dont want any changes. i want things to stay the way they are. maybe im just worrying too much about the future that sometimes it situates me to that stage of pain where it's not even happening yet. im very thankful to God that i still feel the bliss with what's going on in my life. and that i feel great love from someone and sometimes i think its too much that i dont even deserve it. so you see, this is one reason why i have these fears. but don't worry, i know very well that i just have to live my life to the fullest and enjoy what's in front of me so that in the times of change, i'll never know the meaning of regrets. this is just a passing time of my existence. some days i dont feel it creeping into my system and some days it will. but this is something that always caught us off guard... unprepared... and we will never be... bec we never know how to let go of something so special without getting hurt.

Washing away the bitterness

There may be times when we become so miserable and ask ourselves why God allows us to experience unbearable pain. God doesn't delight in our misery. Pain is God's way of purifying us and making us better persons. And when he allows us to experience it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love us.

Anna,you may have been destined to love the man who cannot love you back, but that doesn't mean that life ends here. You fell in love with a man who cannot be yours, but that doesn't mean there is no one who can be. You have loved and hurt badly, but that doesn't mean the pain will never pass.

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, and as the saying goes, sometimes the person who makes us happy is the same person who can hurt us and make us cry. Anna, it is perfectly alright to feel sorry for losing him, but you cannot be sorry all your life. It is okay to cry yourself to sleep at night, but you cannot shed your tears for him forever. You cannot cry every night all your life. It is okay to think of him when you wake up in the morning, but you cannot let him take control
of your thoughts forever.

I guess you have been sorry long enough. You have shown so much regret already. It's over, Anna. You have to accept that there could never be any "you and I" anymore. He is gone and has moved on with his life. You have to realize that you should not allow yourself to be left behind following his shadow. You have to move on and find your own happiness, even if it means not being with him.

Let us always remember that love isn't love it if doesn't hurt. And it is better
to be hurt by love than not to be hurt because we were too afraid to love. The only way to move on is to accept reality. And it will help if you let the pain love has brought you make you a stronger person, and let the tears that you cried wash away the bitterness and misery in your heart.

source: Joe D' Mango, lovenotes

Waiting for a Sign

I know how much it hurts when the people we love decide to throw us out of their lives. It is so painful sometimes that we just want to die. But no matter how battered our feelings and our dignity have become, that does not justify any act of self-inflicted pain or worse, suicide.

Most people realize that for others to learn to love them, they would have to learn to love themselves first. But, there are some who realize this too late. People take into their hands the verdict of life and hastily end it because someone they sincerely loved had purposely hurt them. That doesn't prove anything. It doesn't really make a difference for those who don't care about us. We just become helpless victims of our own crimes.

You have cried enough. Don't waste your tears anymore. The people you are shedding them for don't deserve it. Be strong and don't allow failure to take away your hope of finding happiness in your life. There is a reason why God allows these things to happen. They may be painful but they are all meant to make us stronger and better persons. There is life even after several failed relationships. There is hope even if all our efforts in finding the right person have failed. Be strong in your faith because good things come to those who believe and those who strive to be happy in spite of the pain they keep in their hearts.

- Joe D' Mango's Lovenotes

Pros and Cons

When im in distress, I try to weigh the pros and cons of the reasons of why im still here on earth....

Blessings to thank for:
1. A Best friend who loves me and cares about me so much.
2. My Boyfriend who's my best friend.
3. My sister kendz who took good care of me when i almost fainted having No. 1 of my negative lists.
4. I still have a job that pays off my debts, sustain my family's needs and mine too.
5. I eat whenever and whatever i feel like to.


Things that make me cry:
1. My "monthly monster pain" that never seems to go away.
2. People I thought my friends.
3. Unvarying everyday work life.
4. A promise that I havent done yet.
5. Loosing my "social life" bit by bit.
6. Loosing the only friend I have right now in two weeks time.
7. Sis not finding a job yet.
8. The negative vibes of my living outweighing the positive.

It doesnt make me any more sense listing these things, doesn't it? But it sure does somehow lightens up the heavy thing on my chest. And maybe someday I'll just laugh all about it.

Weekend of Mine

Weekend of Mine

My weekend's been exhausting and tiring but fun. Friday night started with that Interview, waking up early the next morning at 11.30 am *that's early for me on a weekend, fyi*, with the great adobo aroma bebikoh prepared for us. After a few minutes rest, I brazen out the bundles of rubbish I once called "our things". When you're moving into a new place, you never realize how smokey mountain can be just a piece of mound compared to what you have acquired for the past 2 years. I have few boxes set aside, one going to Manila, one to the garbage (i just realized how long i've been keeping that junks), one "my-trash-can-be-other-ppls-treasure" box, and that heap of magazines just sitting around somewhere (if im home, those bote-dyaryo-garapa kidz will vote me as their best customer) were now neatly stacked and ready to hit Auntie's recycled things. I'm so not going to buy magazines anymore. By 4 pm, annie, patrick, bebikoh and me went to Orchard. Guys had their hair cut and we had halo-halo while waiting for them which turned out to be the perfect merienda festival when they arrive. They bought turon, pansit palabok, pansit malabon, halo-halo, beer, and chicharong bulaklak. Were not hungry hehehe. Watched Batman Begins at Cathay cinema, then dinner at Kopitiam in Orchard.

Woke up sunday, still a bit early, prepared munggo and fried tilapia for lunch, watched Magnifico then mass and head home. Whew, it was tiring.

Monday morning, I was crying in pain, again. And spend my entire morning in bed, do household chores in the afternoon and went to see my doctor to get my MC. And of all the time I spent at home, it certainly knows when to hit me. It was really painful, which I later realized that we never had a decent lunch, so my ulcer and dysmynorrhea suddenly had this union thing of making me really really sick. The agony of it all, makes me think of taking my own life just to flee from that great pain. Sis, GOD Bless her, took good care of her whiny sister by applying "katinko" all over my tummy. From all that crying which i think exhausted me made me sleep for 3 hours flat. I was thinking of going back to that gyne again. Sigh!

Korean Drama

Due to the influence of certain peers, I have found myself getting addicted to the korean drama movies. My first, "The Sassy Girl", followed by "Windstruck", "The Classic" and nos of titles some I can't remember. Just recently I found myself watching "My Boyfriend is Type B" in a movie house which is very unusual for me but I find it very amusing, though. It was then followed by "100 Days with Mr. Arrogant" and now I've found a reason to sleep very late at night watching "Lovers in Paris". *Tenchu mami s and dadi m* Uber-Kilig, if I must say. Imagine two wonderful guys falling in love with you, not that I enjoy having that certain dilemma of course, but really, this brings "kilig" moments. The stars were not that good looking actually maybe that's the reason why it looks more realistic hehehe. I'm on my 3rd CD now and hoping to catch up with my sister (she's on her 5th, btw), which i think is very impossible.

"Girls often dreams about this where she feels like a withered flower surrounded by all these fabulous famous people and out of nowhere this prince on a white horse calls her name, holds her shoulder and gently touches her hair and walk her home... but that is too perfect..." - Tae-Young, LiP

Interview

I had a job interview last night after a very long time. It was an informal interview since they were Mr. A's friends from the office. It was a first experience for me having someone i know, partied few times, and had drinks with, interviewed me. Plus the fact that the ambiance is inside a bar, they were asking me questions in front of a jug of beer. In as much as I want to stay calm, my body seem to shake and felt the cold of the air conditioned room when they started asking me questions about what I do. I guzzle the beer in front of me and answered their queries. There were times that I feel like I have not explained much but I think I have gained the confidence that I much needed. Even if I may not get that job that I really need, I know that there's no reason for me to be negative about it. I have somehow realized that I don't need to make an impression that Im good at something Im not. I just told them what I usually do in the office (well except for tsating hehe), and impressed on them that my knowledge may not be that extensive due to the lack of resources and limited access that Ive been given from where i work, I am one person who's willing to to learn more. The "interview" started at 7pm and Mr. A joined us by 9pm, went home around 11 and by the time I reached home, I'm already tipsy because of that vodka drink I had. That vodka incident was funny, bec I was trying to say no after 3 glasses of beer by saying that Im no beer drinker.

Him1: But you always go out partying wat.
Me: Oh, I always drink vodka. Im not much into beers.

Well, stupid me! And so he ordered another jug of beer for them (one singaporean and one swiss interviewing me that night) and a vodka for me!!! Shucks, I did tried to say no but he insist. After few sips, I think he notice I didn't like drinking it pure, so he kindly asks me not to drink it if it's too strong for me. Thank God. *Maybe I should have said tequila instead* Anyway, that's how my "interview" goes. I really did want to improve what I learn and earn more hehe, but I leave it all to God. He knows better what's best for me and my family.

And before I had this interview, honestly, I did think of making up an excuse that Im sick or something, but there are people who believe in me as much as I do in myself. Thank you friends. Thank you Mr. A. Thank you sis.

Annie

*reminder: this will take much of your time if you're planning to read this.

The friend that Ive known, partied with, laugh with, shared stories about love, life, fashion, who's crazy about my sopas, will be saying adieu in few days time. Sad as I may be, i still feel ecstatic of how her life had changed from better to best.

REMINISCIN'
At this time a year ago, we have done nothing but partying, and going to bars, friend's abode, sipping wine, puffing cigs, travelling, shopping, and talking about her ex's and my crushes and what's in and out in fashion. We had countless dinners having fun, no dull moments. We always make fun of "my getting married" issue. We never talk about her, or Myla's, or Thess' settling down this year. We talked about serious matters too, but we never let it get in our way of having fun.


THE STORY
And then she met Mr. ultra-mega-hyper-in-a-good-way Patrick. Back from her vacation in the US, she called me.

Her: "Mars, punta ka dito. Andito na mga pasalubong ko sayo."
Me: "Hi!!!! Welcome back! Cge I'll drop by tonight. "
Her: "Ok See yah!"
Me: "C u."

I was sure that aside from just being excited on telling me how her vacation has been, I knew right there and then that she got more interesting to tell me. So I went that night. Blah blah's and then...

Her: "I'm getting married!"
Me: "What? With whom? Di nga? Are you... I mean, wow, uhmmm, orayt! Yay!"

What? I am speechless! Thunderstruck as I may have been, but I was euphoric, very very very much happy for her. But as soon as I regained my equanimity (hey, don't whine. here's where I can only use the big words ive read from the piles of books i have at home), with a wide smile on my face, I asked her to tell the story. Yeah of course, I asked questions too. Lots of it. How they met, who is he, how everything happens. Being a friend, I asked for details. Don't get me wrong, but at first I thought it was all coming too fast. That she's just being impulsive. I am no cynic about love, believe me, I am a big fan of it as a matter of fact, but I know my friend so much. So I asked...

Me: "Buntis ka ba?" *which i later on realized that's it's impossible for you to know that in less than a month's time.*
Her: "Hahahaha sira! Lika panoorin mo tong ginawa nyang cd for me"

And so we watched. The pictures from her vacation and the proposal. I cried. Im sorry but I was touched by everything. I don't know the guy enough for me to say that she had found what she truly deserve. But I still told her that she had. She deserves the best.


THE PROPOSAL
Lemme tell you little sumtin about the proposal. She was on her way back to Singapore from her vacation. While Patrick's niece is filming the entire dramatic scene, few minutes before she board the plane, he knelt down, took her hands, said his lines and then pop the question! Oh, shoot, it was more romantic watching the real thing really than me telling you about it.


MEETING THE GUY
Come february, her birthday, her last singapore birthday, party at her place. Few drinks, invitees that some I've only know from the parties we had, few common friends, and then she introduced me and bebikoh to her fiance. We had a blast that night. We went to Insomnia afterwards. Did it ever occurred to you that the saying "First impression lasts" is not true after all? Well, he had somehow embed on me at first that he was a typical fil-am guy. A latino style, conceited, too-much-air-there, kind of a guy, if you know what I mean. He was really funny, and very sweet to her but I still thought he was arrogant. And when they invited us for breakfast the morning after, I suddenly dreaded of not going there, bec I dont want to hurt my friend, not that my opinion matters to her. Anyway, I know that I cant do that to her, so we went there. The meet-ups became regular and now he's back again to be with my friend until she got her visa. And now, as I recall those firt impressions, i can't help but smile. She really have found the best as he had found the best in her. They deserve to be with each other. He's very ultra mega hyper which seems to me and everyone around him find it very amusing and matches my friend's manner being "mababaw ang kaligayahan" she is.

Soon it will be "saying goodbye" time. I have done this a lot of times to my friends who had to go to a direction different from what we used to have, but none of it makes it easier for me and prepares me for the next. No matter how I tried to be ok with it,I still can't face the fact that another friend is leaving - for good. Im just glad im living in the era of new technologies - Emails,Yahoo Messenger, phones. So now, im here, pretending to be working, facing the only stable in my 5 years here - my monitor who's my solitary viewer seeing the melancholy on my face.

Well, to you annie, the fun things we shared wil never be forgotten. I wish you, Mrs. Simon, *how do you like that, huh?*, and Patrick, and Joshua Ray, all the strength, fun filled, full of love in this new chapter of your life as one. Luv yah... Really crossing my finger to see you again in 2007, either at your wedding or at mine. Yeyyyyyy. Take care always and let's keep in touch. =) You're one friend that I'll never get tired of remembering.

Bittersweet Memories

"There are times when no matter how much we show our love and give so much of ourselves to someone, we still cannot find enough reason why he or she doesn't seem to care about us."

"When we start assessing the value of someone, quantifying and qualifying the kind of person he or she is, we begin to lose grasp of the real essence of love. Real love doesn't look at reasons to love. When we truly love a person, we just love that person regardless of what he or she can or cannot give us back. When we start to have reasons for loving someone, then we're bound to fall out of love when we lose these reasons. It has been said that the greatest measure of love is its ability to continue loving even when we cannot find a reason to love anymore. That is the real essence of love. When we can think of one reason not to love a person, then we can't be capable of truly loving because love doesn't keep a scale of what it can gain from a relationship. Real love is unselfish."

"You are who you are and you should be loved not for what someone wants you to be but for who you truly are."

"Let your bittersweet memories remind you of how much you have loved, but let it also remind you how much more beautiful it would be if that love is shared with someone who will accept you for who you are, and love you not for what you can become but what he becomes because of you."

Dance with my father

Dance with my Father - Luther Vandross

back when i was a child
before life removed all the innocence
my father would lift me high
and dance with my mother and me and then
spin me around till i fell asleep
then up the stairs he would carry me
and i knew for sure i was loved

if i could get another chance
another walk another dance with him
ill play a song that would never ever end
how i'd love love love to dance with my father again

when i and my mother would disagree
to get my way i would run from her to him
he make me laugh just to comfort me
then finally make me do just what my mama said
later that night when i was asleep
he left a dollar under my sheet
never dream that he would be gone from me

if i could steal one final glance
one final step one final dance with him
ill play a song that would never ever end
coz id love love love to dance with my father again

sometimes id listen outside her door
and i hear how my mama would cry for him
i pray for her even more than me

i know im praying for much too much
but cld u send back the only man she'd love
i know u dont do it usually
but dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again

every night i fall asleep
and this is all i ever dream


*sometimes i wander to a place i only know where everything i want and needed is there... where its just enough for me and the people i love to call it a perfect world... where i could have a dance with my father... where pain and anguish doesnt exist... where tears were only shed because of so much joy ... *

Lost

a bouyant persona
that's who i am
nowhere to run to
adrift in the wilds

a glimpse of light
is the only guide
trying not to stumble
amidst of the rubble

a quandary i must face
vague of decisions
tattered compassion
trapped in oblivion

ahh, paradox of life
one cannot fathom
i seek the gist
but im simply lost

Habedey, Daddy

It's been years since I last uttered these words and bought a lovely present for you. Actually, it's been years since we talked and called you Daddy. But I know it's no time for sentiments. Although, I felt obliged to greet you, I couldn't make myself do it. I may regret it for not doing it, but i'll know it when its time. And it will come... soon. Always know that in my heart, "daddy's little girl" has never renounce on you. The nostalgic feeling has always been here. I love you, daddy and happy birthday. May God give you if not the best of everything but a healthy life. God Bless always.

When the best isnt good enough

"Acceptance is the first step to moving on but I have always believed that we can never forget the person we love. Your love is the chain that keeps you bound to your past and for as long as that love remains silently burning in your heart you will never forget the person that feeds that flame."

"Acceptance will put one foot forward on the road to recovery, but the only way to move on completely is to get the other foot out from the love that binds your heart to him. Peace is in knowing that you are breathing the fresh air of the present without being tainted by the stale memories of the past. Every time you cry whenever you remember him adds one glowing ember to the flame in your heart. Every time you become sad when you think of your happy moments together blows more air to that burning fire. As long as there is that fiery emotion burning inside your heart, you will never be at peace with yourself."

"For most of us, there will always be a past that will remind us of beautiful memories that we wish would come back to life. But the difference between those who have found real happiness and those who are tirelessly searching for it lies in their ability to stop living in their past and wishing for the things that could have been. Happy people are those who know how to accept the verdict of the past and forgive themselves for being part of it."

"When we have loved and failed, we have to grieve for a while and then learn to stop loving that person. Only when we are able to do that can we open our hearts anew and learn to love again without having to be burdened by the guilt and regrets of the past."

- excerpt from Joe D' Mango's labnowts

Kodak Moments

Three years before digital camera made it to the trend, i used to kill and waste all of my time doing scrapbooks out of all the KODAK MOMENTS I had and captured in my "film-camera". And honestly, those years have been memorable and very fun, celebrating bdays here and there and going places with friends and almost every month there is always something for my camera to seize. There were times that I asked myself why do i even bother wasting my time putting all the pictures in an album, decorating it where there are still a lot of things to waste my time on? And the dilemma of having these things adds up when you move to another place. But last night, I leaf through all the albums again, and all I did was smile. Like a time machine, taking me to years back in my life, musing over places, people and things that once have been part of my life. All those trips to places we travel along with our group of friends, the parties we had, the clubbings, meeting different people from other places, sharing secrets, jokes, witnessing your friends from courtship till they got married and having a bday party every year for their child, how i used to play with my friends' kids when they were still young and looking at them now all grown up amuses me, all these things were all here in front of me, all packed up in this piece of "JUNK" as i always and some called it. It's a part of my life, only the ones that's full of bliss. Only those things in my life that I always want to remember and let others see in me. That once, I have lived my life to the fullest. With friends that loves and cherish me. Being away from my family, friends are the closest one I could have. And Im glad those years of my life were captured and neatly recorded in a scrapbook. Regrets for wasting my time on those pieces of junk? I don't think so. =)