A Sad Goodbye

today is the day that you'll say goodbye. im so sorry that i can't be there to even see your beauty for the last time. now, there'll be no more "next time, i'll visit her" or any planning of some sort for me. is it our fault that we never make a way to see or visit you? but i know you'll understand. not that we don't want to see you, we regret that. we just thought that it's best to keep the shield around us so we won't be reminded of the pain of the past. i know you'll be happy now where you'll be going. bye 'la. totoo pala. those who've caused you pain were the ones that's so hard to let go of. maybe this sadness that i feel isn't just because you're gone. maybe this is because i was hoping somehow that before you go, someone will take the responsibility of saying sorry. maybe this is because i know that he's all alone now and no one will accept whatever things he do but you. maybe this is because i'll miss whatever memories you installed *atleast in me*.

i like to be nostalgic at times. reminisce the memories - the good ones - that is. reminds me of the things that makes me look forward to something even at a young mind. like the weekly visit to your house that daddy and i did back then. growing up in a very small lair, and almost everyday of nothing grand to eat, with a one peso in my pocket as my biggest treasure, going to your place is really one of the best ones that i always look forward too. you have the grandest house in mayon, with a garden and numbers of beautiful dogs. your air conditioned room with lolo's picture hanging on the wall. with beautiful headboard and martha-stewart-like pillows and bedsheet. of course, your kitchen that never runs out of anything to eat. and not just anything but those you only find in the rich people's kitchen. fruits at the dinner table. box of goldilocks cake that i only had a slice whenever there's a really special occassion. chocolates. juice. lechon. and whenever we visit you there, you always go out of your room and head to the kitchen to prepare these grand foods for us. i remember the time i kept a few chocolates in my pocket just to give it to my mom. you have this chair that's only meant for u, placed at the corner of the dinner table near the window where you can see your garden. and when it's time for us to go home, you always give me money even if it's only enough for me to buy candy for all my kalaro, aside from the food and supot ng makopa that daddy picked for me from your tree. i always keep a big one peso coin and give it to you in exchange of five pesos. whenever you have to go to albularyo's and daddy and i go with you, we don't eat at just any place. we always eat at aristocrat or maxs. and whenever you walk out of the house, you're always at your best. always wearing the shade of brown dress. the way you plant your kiss on my cheeks is something that reminds me of you. all my memries of you that i kept in my heart were those that made me smile and somehow make myself believe that i am really your apo. and whatever happens in the past years, i threw some of them. it's like now that you're gone, i felt like reminiscing what just happen months ago not decades ago. and i prefer it this way. i cried so much when i heard from mom that you're gone maybe because i've nurtured that memory inside me for a long time. you see, it's not just a memory with you in there, but memory filled of times that im bonding with daddy. it's one of the best times of my life :)

paalam 'la. i know you're happy where you are now.

Sad Moment :(

I received an SMS from my MOM asking me to call them and saying that my Dad's at home and that my Lola passed away. When I called them I was frantically crying and I can't help it. :( Every memory I had with her seem to came back in an instant and it's just so painful to know that it's been a very very long time since I last seen her, since my parents separated, we stopped seeing her too. This is the part where I really hate myself being away from home. Receiving bad news like this. First, it was my Inang then now my Lola. I know they're already old and maybe it's really time to end their suffering. I just feel really sad being away from them. Not seeing them at the last moment. It's too painful for me to bear :( May GOD take care of her.

Lola,
Im sorry that I may not be able to go to your funeral. I know you'll understand. This is really hard for me. To know that you're already gone and I can't do anything about it. I thought you'll still going to make it to my wedding. I thought you'll still see your first apo get married. You haven't even met Rommel. It's too painful for me to bear it now. When was the last time I see you? Back when you were still in Kanlaon? Yes, that time when my parents were still on the verge of separating. You were bed-ridden already that time. But you still manage to plant me that famous kiss of yours on me. You know the way you hold my face smelling my cheeks first before kissing me? I've got lots of memories that up to now I can still remember because they connect me to you and to my dad. It's funny because I just had a thought of you just last week because I was reading this novel about a grandmother and her apo and they were really close to each other. I lost my Inang a year ago. And now you. Just few months before my wedding. :( But Im sure you're happy now that you'll see Lolo again. I don't want to see you suffering from whatever sickness. It's just sad that I wasn't able to see you or say goodbye. I love you, 'la. Take care. Come at my wedding on september. If you see Inang, ask her to go with you too.
Love,
Me

Sam's Letter to Jennifer

My fondness of reading usually lies on the authors that hit the "best seller" portion of the bookstores but mostly i always read the novels of those i have a good first impression on. I got 5 or more novels from David Baldacci and James Patterson, my John Grisham's novels are complete, i got all of Mitch Albom's books. Ive few books of the same author and Im just saying that it's how my reading personality is. Although, it's not sensible to read a novel from the same author over and over again, you'll find it addicting to read one after another of the same author. It's like reading someone else's diary. Like for instance John Grisham who's well known for his courtroom drama stories, or Nicholas Sparks for his emotional love stories and a lot more. You'll get bored eventually because no matter how different their stories are, they always end up having the same plot. But it's normal. Because if you're an author you have to stick to a certain identity so readers will know you for what you write.

One of my favorite authors is James Patterson who's well known for his murder mysteries novels. I grab a copy of "Sam's letters to Jennifer" just because James Patterson wrote it not because of the summary of the story. And yes, im that fanatic. After reading it, I was totally amazed that he really can write love stories. Galing!

The book was about Jennifer who writes a column in a newspaper. Lost her husband, had miscarriage, and now that her grandma Sam is sick, she thought she was about to lose her too. When she's about to give up, she found hope. And Sam have found a way to talk to Jennifer even if she's in a coma.

I love the short, quick chapters that Patterson uses to keep the story flowing. I love the fact that scenes change quickly so that the reader never gets bored. And I love the characters that he has created: Jennifer, who needs love again so badly and is so scared to look for it again; Brendan, who loves so freely and completely with so much to lose; and Sam, who accepted what she could not change and found the strength to accept love when it was offered and never regret it. Sam's Letters to Jennifer is two beautiful love stories wrapped into one.

For One More Day

For One More Day by Mitch Albom is the story of a man who gets the chance to spend one more day with his mother, who died 8 years earlier. I bought it just last friday and was done with it by wednesday. Besides the fact that this book is only 197 pages long, you will be wrapped up from start to finish with the story that evolves around love and family. Mitch Albom was known for his books that doesn't need you to read so many pages and getting lost in the end. His was short but will really hit you straight right into the core of your heart. Mine, that is. This story will make you value more your family especially your Mom. It was for me, like the Five People You meet in heaven story. Still, it's as good as the first two. :)

There's always time in our life that we really screwed up so badly that we can't think of anything to straighten the mess up but to run away from it. I'm guilty about that. The thing is we can't run away from it. It's always best to face it no matter what because in the end everything will always be different from what you've had in that part of your life. It's only up to you to make that difference. It could make the matter better or worst depend on how you face it. Oh, I'm not good in anything about life. I'm still learning to swim and trying my very best not to drown. I guess with blogging, ive been leaving a few crumbs behind so when I look back, i'll know that at one point in my life, i look at my life straight and positive amidst of the chaos im into. But isn't it great that each day, you wake up to a brand new day not knowing what's in store for us, be it good or bad? That each day you tried your best to think of something different just to make things around you easier? I hope i'll be like this everyday. So I won't have to look back and think of the "woulda" and "coulda" in my life instead look forward to the brand new day.

And the things in my life that I so much hated doing but did it anyway for the sake of following my Mom *beside the fact that she's scary at that time not doing what she ordered you to do and the fact that im just a good kid hihihi*, none of it makes me regret where I am now. She had helped me make my life easier and without all the things she has done for me, I wouldn't probably see the goodness of my life even if im a product of a broken family. And the most important thing she'd ever done to me or to us, is standing up for us for about everything in this world even at times what she think is right for us makes us hate her. I lavyu mamee!

French Dinner ala Central Grove

Last night, my housemate Vinh prepared a french dinner for us. French were known to be so specific about their food. They like to spend much time preparing their food. I didn't know that French people doesn't like eating at fastfood like McDonalds. Vinh's personal reason was that it wasn't prepare the way food was prepared at the restaurants or hawker centers. He said his brother-in-law was worst. If it's american, he won't it eat it. If appliances are not european made, he won't buy it. I didn't know this kind of "culture", if you can call it, until I spoke to Vinh. Interesting.

Now to the dinner part. It broke my heart this morning when I learned that the pictures I painstakingly took last night wasn't in the SD card. I don't know what happen but everytime I took a picture, I viewed it afterwards. Oh well, what's lost is lost.

Our dinner started at about 10pm and we had smoked salmon for appetizer, french bread and a Wolf Blass 2003 White Wine. We forgot how long it has been there but the wine was still good. Though it wasn't advisable to keep wines for that long especially leaving it there lying around with poor temperature because some wines could taste like vinegar. That's why it is important for people who love wines to invest on a wine cooler. This is a good site for Proper Wine Storage. Half hour later, Vinh served us the "saumon en papilotte" or salmon on paper. For this he uses a foil instead of paper where he put the salmon, garlic, mushroom, pepper, salt, basil leaves and cream and baked it until it was cooked. It was really easy. After the salmon and salmon appetizer and main dish, we rested for a while. It was like eating in a restaurant! A 5-course at home! Vinh served the cheese, which french was really known for loving cheese so much. The day before, we asked him not to buy the really smelly cheese hehehe. Not yet anyway. He bought a square cheese instead and whew it was smelly. Yuccckkkk! I was the only one who wasn't going to try the cheese so I gave in. I took a bite *super small size*, closed my eyes and swallowed the cheese. Mmmmm, it's good hehehehe. I tried another one, this time much bigger than the first, waaaaaaa it's really good. Just don't smell it hehehe. He said it was like durian. Don't try to smell it first. Eventually you'll get used to the smell. Durian, a really big no. But with cheese, this is OK. By the time the dessert was served, all were already full. But we still did devour Vinh's amandine aux poires. Baked pear with egg, sugar, almond, butter. He put vanilla ice cream beside the sweet dessert and the taste complements each other. Yummy. We end up our meal with a cup of black coffee. Everyone was really full especially me. I end up vomiting on our toilet, hehehe.

Dinner was perfect. First housemates dinner since Ally's replacement, Edward, arrived. Yeyyyyy! Merci, monsieur Vinh. Tres Bon! Je ne parle pas francais. Hihihi.

Today's High: Learning something about french's culture and food. Bonding with housemates.

Life is so ironic

That, my friends, is my YM's status today.

"we may not fully understand the reason why some things happen and when it does, that we have to be strong and always be positive inspite of the pain we felt, but GOD never fail to put something good for you at the end of it all. He's the only one who knew that reason so when this painful moment knock into our door it is ok to be weak at times but always know that GOD never want to hurt us. It might be something that we encounter because of our own doing but it's always something that makes us stronger in the end. No better words can alleviate the pain but let's not forget that there's no mountain that is too high that we can't climb." 

Hapag ng Pagasa

Tonight, as we watched the Probe, they feature a certain painter, Joey Velasco who shows his outstanding paintings. One of the paintings was the "hapag ng pag-asa" where he painted the Last Supper replacing the apostles with the streetchildren. Normally my reaction to this kind of thing would be different. But his paintings are remarkable and shows nothing but pure love with Jesus' face beside an innocent child. He's truly an author and a painter. It's really a wonder how God works for people to see that there's more in life to be grateful. His talent is one thing. But the way he uses it in accordance to what GOD really wants is huge. 

Que Pasa

During my lets-party-all-night-long-every-week days, I'd go for more-noise-kind-of-party. I love dancing so much and partying all night during the weekends. I'll go on a ladies night on a wednesday and go home at 4 or 5 in the morning then sleep at most for 2 hours then come to work. I do smoke but occasionally. And that occasion is every week :) I think it's true that you'll get over the hype in time. I still do go out at times. But now, I can't stay in a bar with much noise and too much smoke that long. And so I hang out now *sometimes* to this kind of bars where you can relax and drink and dine and not much noise around. This may still count as clubbing or partying but socializing with friends sometimes is ok hehehe.

I used to go to emerald hill with friends but usually at Ice Cold Beer only. They are selling 3 beers for 20 dollars. They also sell San Mig Light :) It is way cheaper than going to other bars. I usually come to ICB just for the chicken hehehe. It's good. And the pizza too. When a friend of mine invited me for a wine at Que Pasa and tried their tapas or beef stew with the bread, my thought was that Ill go back there next week. Since I am not much of a beer person, Que Pasa has been my favorite place now. Im not a wine expert. All i know is i can drink one and tell the difference of what's good and what's not on my taste buds. I first started with a cabarnet sauvignon and with its fruity taste, since then it's the only one I always take whenever I go out. Only then when we brought vinh's sister and brother in law to Que Pasa that Ive known that wines are known for the places they were made not by the flavor of it. He was french and his father owns a winery in france. The first bottle he ordered was really good. Forgot where it's from but it costs about 100 bucks per bottle. It's not strong and has a fruity taste. And meant for the ladies who doesn't want to taste the alcohol. Maybe next time, I'll try to write down the kinds of wine Ive tasted and blog about it :) Oh in Que Pasa, you can order wines per glass and it's not always by the bottle. It's cheaper though to order a bottle if there are 6 persons sharing. You can get the $60 bottle so it'll be like $10 each only. Their glass is at $13 for the one on their "bottle menu". I was actually thinking of copying this idea for our wedding hehehe. If you get the premium ones, expect to pay more moolah of course. And don't forget to order the tapas, it's the best to go along with your wine. Yum!

The ambience outside is ok too. A bit bright Ill say. But inside is really cosy. It's like you're being transported to a winery. The wall is decorated with really big bottles of wine and an old place feeling. The other side was the wall filled with empty bottles of wine. Ive never been to their "upper deck", though. Try it once :)
for me to hangout especially when you're a wine lover.

Ally's Farewell

Ally, our housemate, left today for Hong Kong. He got a better job and a better pay, I guess. It was really sad to know that whenever you find the right and perfect housemate saka naman aalis. BUT living in a foreign land is like that. People come and go in your life. Hmp, I don't want this to be really dramatic pero I'm really sad to see him go. It is one the many reasons why I opt for a guy to live with us. It's much more sentimental and too emotional if i ever get close to a girl. Higher expectations pa. We'll really miss you, Ally! *sniff*

So, last night, we had a farewell dinner for Ally at the Tapas Tree in Clark Quay. At first, it was suppose to be 4 of us only. Then it became 9. Ally brought her sister - kiki, Vin invited 3 friends - Kaoutar, Bertrand, SiWei, Lorena. United Colors of Benetton! Ally and Kiki from Mauritius. Vin, Bertrand and SiWei from France, shempre noypi, kami ito, and Kaoutar from Holland *she said she's a moroccan*. Everyone had a blast. All of us enjoyed the night, i think i did. All we do was laugh at *mostly* Vinh and Rommel's jokes. A fabulous evening.

We had sangria, bread with butter, calamare, salmon, squid (something), gambas and seafood paella! Sarap! The food is great! After our dinner, Si Wei has to go back home and the rest of us went to Que Pasa in Emerald Hill. Oh yeah, everyone's feeling a little spanish-y, ole ole! We had one bottle of Paso Robles Cabernet Sauvignon which is a little strong but gets ok once you consume half of your glass. Went home afterwards to drink and drink and drink some more! We finished around 2 in the morning since most have to work. Vinh, Ally, Rommel and me was left in the living room talking about anything. Too bad we never do this thing often. We have to find a reason to do things like this with friends when you really don't need to. And Im glad we had the dinner farewell. We get to meet another set of friends and we truly appreciate each other as housemates. Maybe we could visit Ally either in Hong Kong or Mauritius :) See you, Ally!

I did enjoy the company of Kaoutar. She's really pretty but she's way cool to be with. And we love taking pictures of all the detail of the events hehehe. She said Im her soulmate because finally she found someone with much enthusiasm when it comes to photos. I always tease her after our pictures were taken, she was like "how is it? how is it?". And she's so funny how she can relate with Vinh and Rommel's green jokes. Lucky you, Vinh!

Today's High: reminiscing last night's blast
Today's Low: saying goodbye to a good housemate/friend, stuck with what im doing at work

Malacca Road Trip

We nearly had 3 hours sleep and yet we managed to wake up on time without rushing. We thought of getting breakfast at McDonalds in Bugis but sadly, it was still closed even if the sign says that it opens at 7 in the morning. We were there quarter past 7. Haaayyy. We cross the street and found one hawker who just started to open. We had beehon. Miss ko tuloy beehon sa hdb huhuhu. Went to Lavender MRT to meet the rest of the group. Luckily for us, we weren't the last ones to arrive hehehe. Call time is at 8am and the bus leaves at exactly the same time. 30 Minutes before 8 everyone was there except Ami. Naku si ami talaga. We did managed to come on time na rin.

On board the bus to Melacca, we slept until it stops for the stopover for our brunch. The travel time i think was more than 2 hours. Malaysia's food is really cheap compare to Singapore. Just don't expect the toilets to be as clean as Singapore. No tissue and all of them had the squat bowls. After 20 minutes of quick brunch, the journey continues for another 2 more hours.

We reached malacca central a little past 12. All of the teksi (malay term for a cab) was calling us and quoting us 50 ringgit for an hour travel to A Famosa. Good thing Boss had been there and thought it was waayyyy expensive but I reckon he was kinda hesitant too if it was the real price. We had lunch muna *kain na naman* at a chicken rice resto. And we had a taste of Malacca's famous Chicken Rice Ball - a golf-ball size flavoured rice ball best served with steamed chicken meat dipped in sesame oil and sauce. It is one of the many delicacies found locally. For almost 7 years of my stay in Singapore, though I am not one of those chicken rice lovers, I haven't found any store selling rice balls. I wonder why not a single store copied it. I found on the net a few of the popular ones that sells chicken rice balls in Melacca are to be found near Jalan Hang Jebat or Jonker Street. Few restos like Hoe Kee Chicken Rice at No. 4 Jalan Hang Jebat, Chop Chong Hwa at Lorong Hang Jebat and Famosa Chicken Rice Ball Restaurant at No 28-30 Jalan Hang Kasturi. We didn't have the luxury of time to check out all the interesting places in Melacca since we only had 4 hours to check out the place so we went straight to the Fort A Famosa. (famous in portuguese)

We managed to find a bus going to the town for only 15 minutes and at a price of 1 ringgit each! That's about 50 cents (singapore dollar). Highway robbery compare to what the taxi driver offers of an hour drive at 12.50 ringgit each per person. Grrrr!

When we reached the place, it was like we've been transported to someplace else. There's so much to see but we didn't managed to see everything. We didn't get to see the inside of the Christ Church or the Stadhuys that houses the historical museum. We did went up the hill to see the breathtaking scene of St. Paul's Church. Ubos oras lang taking pictures pero we never get the chance to contemplate on the beauty of the place. I'll ask ffg to go back to this place again because I felt like there's so much of this place to see. It was far different from other places Ive been in Malaysia. It felt safe although it's still safer to be vigilant of your things. But here, I don't felt threaten at all of getting robbed. Not there's too much to robbed from me hehehe. We had a lot of fun though taking pictures and fooling around. But it's really hot and you'll need a lot of evian face mist, water, face towel, tissue, wet wipes, sunglass, hat to protect your face and sun protection. I didn't managed to apply sun protection at least for the face huhuhu.
Sayang ang likas papaya hahahaha. After only two hours of checking out the place, we went back to the Melakka Central. Had a yummy meal at A & W. Sarap! Chicken, Rootbeer float, yummy! Wish ko lang Singapore will have A & W restaurant na.

We board the bus at exactly 6pm and took long hour drive going back to Singapore. After more than 4 hours drive, we're finally home again. We had coffee at Starbucks sa Bugis muna minus Bebit, Rak, Isa and Kyuti. I ordered fries for myself and Yanah. Ffg craved for a soup so he had one that he bought across the bugis. At almost 10 minutes close to midnight, we call it a day. We took the MRT home, had shower and dozed off.

For this trip a few helpful tips I could give:
1. Info about the place => Malacca
2. We paid (SGD) $32 for return trip to Malacca taking a bus at Lavender.
3. We have extra 70 ringgit (about $35 singapore dollars) from our previous trips to Malaysia, so we didn't exchange any money for the trip. If you'll be there just for a day without any hotel to spend to, I think 50 ringgit is enough for 2 person for the whole day meal.
4. Light carry only but be sure to bring tissue, wet wipes, evian's face mist, water, face towel, crackers, sun protection, hat, sunglass and an extra shirt.
5. Pictures from our lumix => Rhonny's Lumix
6. Pictures from Boss' Evolt => Boss' Evolt - Scenery
6. Pictures from Boss' Evolt => Boss' Evolt - Pitibifor

What I like now

. . . is to rest and just lay in our bed and sleep all day
. . . is to have at least 2 more weeks to finish all my things to do at work so I won't have to do overtime which ive been doing for the past few days
. . . is to have money magically appear before me so I can send it over to my family and pay my bills
. . . is to have at least a week spared to do my laundry, fix our messy room, get things done from my list of to do's, and sort my wedding magazines
. . . is to trade my iPod Nano with an iPod Video *hehe*
. . . is to travel anywhere for at least a week

i sigh a deep breath wanting to get things done with just one blink of an eye. i close my eyes and say a silent prayer to give me strength. to be patient. to get more love. the things i want are always the easy way. i guess the best thing to ask is to be contented with whatever is in front of me and just ask for happiness to do whatever it is that i need to do. may it be the hardest thing or the easiest one.

at the ground floor where i work is a pre-school and every morning, i get to see those happy little faces with their naiveness and eagerness to learn. and then i look back. i've been in IT for exactly nine years now. seven of which ive been doing programming, thinking of best possible solutions to whatever problems thrown at us. im not saying that i never enjoyed it. i did. but for that long time and seeing how these kids look up to their teachers makes me think what if i change my career? i love being around kids. i love playing games that's nonsense to most. i love the feeling of someone looking up to me. i love when anything i say matters and felt like it was always a good thing if it came from me. i know it wasn't easy as well to be a teacher. kids these days were different. am i suitable for this?

other part of me really wanted to be a model. i know it wasn't as glamorous as i see it. but i just like to think that i am. kahit sa dreams lang. but at least, i don't need to think solution for someone's problem. oh well.

i guess things are just getting monotonous. waking up in the morning, taking a bath, taking mrt then bus to work, go home, eat dinner then sleep. well, i still love my life. i have a lot of good things to look forward to. haaayyyy.

Sweetest Moment

When things are unexpected
Or moments are not planned
When you don't have to be at your best
Or wear something finest
Relish the moments
Capture them in your heart
You'll never know
When this will happen again

Trying to be good on a Good Friday

Good Friday in Singapore is a no-work holiday, thank God. But for us it wasn't a holiday at all. We did what we always did every year - the "Visita Iglesia" or Church Visitation, which was a Holy Week Tradition in the Philippines. When I was a kid, every Holy Thursday my Mom would always drag us to 14 different churches and say a prayer to each Stations of the Cross. It was one of the many things that we religiously do with Mommy every year aside from going to Quiapo Church every last friday of the month and every year of the 9th of January celebrating the fiesta ng Quiapo. Of course, back then, it was just something that I do because I was always looking forward to the "reward" of a meal sa Jollibee afterwards. When I got to Singapore, wala ng Jollibee to look forward too, wala ng makulit na mommy who would drag you to go with her even if you're still half-asleep. But I still manage to continue the tradition with ffg (and i thank god so much for giving me someone like him). Now were here in Singapore, We do this on a good friday since this is the only day that was declared as a holiday. And since there's not much Catholic churches to go around or are near to each other. So we end up visiting 7 churches and pray two stations of the cross for each. As my mom would always say, this is somehow the closest we could get to feel what Jesus have gone through. It's not all, but at least a little part of it. Now I understand the importance and meaning of it in my life. I just can't imagine if we really walk all the way to all 7 churches without food and water at all. And each prayer to each station helped me reflect on the mistakes that Ive done. As for the churches, we started at Toa Payoh's Christ the King then Novena Church, then St Bernadette at Zion Road near Great World City, then Sacred Heart at Tank Road near Clark Quay, then Church of Sts Peter and Paul at Queen Street near Bugis, then St Joseph Church at Victoria Street, then last was Cathedral of the Good Shepherd where we usually go every sunday. It was tiring but worth it. We had dinner at Magic Wok at City Hall afterwards. Sobrang hungry hehehe. Then we went to DXO (ooopppsss, don't worry we didn't go there to parteehhh) to get the Rivermaya's concert tickets given to us by Ryan. Galing front act sila :) We had banana tempura or "maruya" *super thanks ami for introducing this to me hehehe* and kofi then went home after.

So, if you have plans of doing Bisita Iglesia the next year, better do it around 3pm as most of the churches closes at 6 or 7. And for your info here are the list of churches => http://www.veritas.org.sg/cdir.php

Life..... the way others see it

I was reading Bianca's blog and certainly agree about what she write about life. I truly admire the way Bianca looks at life even at a young age. For those who doesn't know Bianca, she's now enjoying her life being a celebrity *of course in the philippines* after her few months stay sa Bahay ni Kuya (Big Brother's House) - one of the many reality shows. 'Niwey, here's what a friend of hers said, "everyday i wake up, and just to be alive and free is such a blessing. everything else is a bonus. if we appreciate life like that, suddenly we're so thankful for what we have and not sad about what we don't have." So true, right? There are times that I felt so weak because I always felt like Ive been deprive of the things or power that I can use to be able to help my family. That I always lack of the things I need to be able to surpass a dilemma in my life without wanting to run in a far away place and leave things behind. The thing is, I always look at the holes in my life, the things that I don't have in my hand to be able to fill up that holes, not trying to do things or solve problems just because Im focusing on what other people have that I dont. And stumbling upon things like this, simple lines like this, awakes me somehow. I won't give up. Never. Thanks Bianca. You may not know me or any other people in the world that were able to read your blog, but you have helped a lot of people with just few minutes of sharing what you know and what your everyday life like. I am not one of those who admires celebrities just because they are famous. I admire people for what they are and how they see life. I judge people by the way they construct their first few sentences.

Sabado Nights

We went to Orchard to settle the payment for the ring *yipeee* then went to Cathay to book 11.30 pm movie (Breaking and Entering). Obvious ba na movie addictus talaga kami? Even if we're on a tight budget at the moment, watching movie will always be part of our routine. Iba pa rin pag big screen. For us, this is our stress-reliever. Went to Marina, bought a screen protector for our new member - Mr. Lumix and a casing, then watched a fashion show. Hunky mga models hehehe kakalaway nyahahhaha. Went to Gluttons Bay afterwards to have dinner and see Barbie Almalbis perform at the Mosaic Festival. Pero before Barbie's performance, we saw this band (Sasha Bach) performing that we later on found out that they're from Denmark. Galing! First time ko makawitness ng band na puro puti hehehe. Galing ng drummer *cute pa hihihi*. Parang snow patrol dating wohoooo. Saya saya! *borrow lang cuz hihihi*

Today's High: Wedding Ring paid na yipee, watching concert, watching movie
Today's Low: Tumataba daw ako waaaaaaa

The pursuit of Happyness

We had a voucher for two tickets at Cathay Cinema stashed for some time now. Well, two weeks hehehe. So last night we used it to watch The Pursuit of Happyness. Shempre pa as expected, it will be a miracle if I got out of a sad movie without crying. It was a good movie that could make you laugh, cry and think how important it is to be determined and persevere happiness in life even if it looks so impossible to achieve. This is a true story of Christopher Gardner who struggles to make ends meet. Watch it na lang. It also shows how someone could be so passionate about getting things way impossible to reach for his son. Kaiyak talaga :(

Life is really difficult. For each day, you'll find a dilemma and make things work but yes, it always has been better and you were able to get few things done. Though there were some that you can't help but let go because it's not meant to happen, but in the end you tend to forgot about it after few months. With God's help and the love you have for your family. Being weak in the midst of it doesn't mean you're weak. Just never learn to give up. *san nanggaling yun?*

Ok back to the movie, Will smith's real-life son, Jayden is adorable :) He can act at a young age. Cutie talaga :) And he act so natural.

The pursuit of Happyness was mispelled intentionally. It was seen from Chris Gardner's son's day care to which the teacher explained that it was a poster made by the children.
Teacher: The most important thing is the real happiness students feel while creating the poster, never mind the spelling. That, inspires Chris Gardner to pursuit the happiness.


Today's High: everything is possible. just be ready for the consequences bec there are times that it's really not meant to be

Today's Low: life is so messed up that it's really impossible to straight things out without you trying hard to achieve it

God's countless blessings

Talk about God's blessings! For 6 years, God had blessed us for so many things. Particularly ffg, since he joined the company, there were times that he had been winning prizes from his company's raffle draw. It's not just luck. It's God's blessings to us though we know that we don't deserve any of it. His grandest was our trip to Hawaii back in 2003 and we were really really happy and thankful about it. Few weeks ago, for their post Chinese New Year event, he won a hamper. Last week, for one event, a cocktail party, he went home with an iPod shuffle - door gift lang yun ha! Then just last saturday, for their IT Dinner and Dance, he won a Panasonic Lumix digital camera! It has been ages that we were talking about replacing our old reliable Fujifilm digital cam (also won from a raffle hehehe) but couldn't find the "extra" money amidst our wedding related expenses. Though I was able to buy a samsung digital camera for my family at the IT show (pampalubag loob for getting ditched by my friends - mangiwan ba?!?!), we were still thinking if we could get ourselves one. But thanks to God, that didn't happen. We were able to replace our old digital camera at no cost :) Yipeee!

Life's worth

Last wednesday, when we attended the 6.30 pm mass at Good Shepherd, i think it was the very first time it struck me the true meaning of Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season. I knew why placing ashes on the foreheads means so much and i knew it was a sign of humility before God, a sign that you have made public confession of your sins, in simple words it is a day of reflection on what needs to change in our lives as a devoted Christian. It is the beginning of a forty-day liturgical season called Lent. We, christians know about it since we were young as it has been told either by our parents or at school. While listening to the homily, it just struck me how sinful I've become. How I've been lost to the right path of life. How I've done so many bad things that if it were to be confessed to ordinary people like me, i will be arbitrated. And then what the priest said, made me think why couldn't I do fasting this time? I had enough reason to do it now, not just following the meaning of it but living the real essence of it. You know what i mean? Blogging about it doesn't mean im bragging about it. I just want to at least have a memoir to go back to if there'll be another time in my life that i'll get lost again. I am now abstaining from something that I know I can't live without. I know it can't and it won't change the way things were before I committed those sins, but it's my way of showing God how sorry I am for hurting Him and hurting those people I love. I just hope that by this way that I've seen the error of my ways, I will never find the path again and make the same mistakes. It's hard to live your life doing the right things when those things seem to be dragging you to the wrong end rather than the right one. *hinga malalim*

Today's High: Was able to do few steps from my workload. It has been making me miserable for the last few days for not solving a very simple dilemma.

Today's Low: Attended a 2 and a half hour meeting which spells B-O-R-E-D!

Adjustments

When you've worked in a company for six years, that feeling of being slightly "siga" was there. You're confident with the things you do and all you need is to meet that deadline. You know the path you're walking into. You know how to deal with every single boss whom you think needs anger-management and with attention-grabbing syndrome. You know every single rule. You've come to deal with the fact that you're working in a company that as strict as a school - that is working at exactly 8.30 until 6.00 and follow the rules, no internet access or any privileged, no internal email (talking bout myself only), agent that doesn't pay your CPF and no wandering around during office hours. I abide by the rules. I got comfortable sitting in a wooden chair and lounging at a "papag". But now that I've chosen to increase a few bucks from my last salary and wanting to gain experience and learn different things from what I currently do, that feeling of idiocy and people belittling my capacity (I guess it's just my feeling) is now on. I have to do major adjustments again like what I did 6 years ago. Or was it just a month ago? Can't explain with all the blessings Im facing now. Can't explain how blessed I am with colleagues who are nice and helpful, with my work schedule that I can come to work past 9 or close to 10 and go home at past 6, with the internet connection that i've been dreaming to have for the longest time. Gain a few friends. Im just hoping that I can do whatever it is "the bosses" asked me to do. And meet the deadline! Yes! That's my wish. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. 

Blabbering fool

There are times in your life when part of your past is running after you, haunting you, hitting you in the face with something that is long forgotten. No one ever intended to hurt anyone but there are times that you have no choice but to go after that choice where it will cause lesser pain than the other. As far as I know, I've explained why things happened. And I never hurt someone without inflicting that pain on myself. I am always part of that pain. Sigh. Just let it go.

Poignant goodbye

We went to the wake last night at St. Theresa Church. My ex-Boss wasn't there, later found out that he was sick and have to go to the hospital. Poor him. We managed to talked to Monica's sister and she told us what happened. Monica was my ex-Boss's wife who died just last friday. It was really sudden that all were shocked to hear about Monica's demise. She was only 39.

This was Monica's sister's story as far as I can remember:
Their daughter (only 8 yrs old) was sick since last thursday so Monica file for a Child Care leave that friday. Her sister last talked to Monica friday at 3pm telling her that she's really tired and she's vomitting but that was it. She didn't feel anything strange. She wasn't sick at all. But around past 5, Monica with her daughter, tried to cough then fainted. The daughter was really brave and didn't panicked at all, called her father who's still in the office, and told him what happened. When the father got home, after few attempts to make Monica breath, she's already gone. The doctor said Monica had a massive heart attack base from the autopsy. But her sister said Monica doesn't have any heart condition history. The only thing that Monica complains to her sister was that she's tired. Could someone really died just like that? Overstressed? Too much work? She's still young and her daughter's only 8. Maybe it's time to think twice if we ever plan on working long hours and not spending few hours of our time with our family. As life continues to most of us - my boss, Monica's family and their beautiful daughter continue to grief and miss monica. Our fervent prayer to Monica's soul and to her family whom she left. =(

Sorry i sound too concerned with what happened. Aside from the fact that i hate it when someone was left behind, the now-widowed husband of Monica was my boss for 6 years. And monica works at the same company as ours. It's just really sad.

Sad Christmas

Woke up late. Day was gloomy. It was raining since last night, i think. I wanted to stay home to sleep. I almost call in sick. Really feel sleepy. Obvious from my blog. I felt like a telegram. Then, I got an SMS from Mareng Bebit. She told me about the demise of Tatay's wife last friday. 3 days before christmas. Tatay was my Project Leader for 6 years in Hadaba. He's the one who testified for each contract that I sign that I deserve the income that I am asking for. He was the one who made me see that not all Singaporeans are "kinda" racists. His wife works at Hadaba too. Wasn't actual close to his wife but most of the CP's that were under Tatay were really close to him. Especially me and Mame Ces. It's really really sad to know of his loss. They have a 6 year old girl. I felt like crying just thinking of it. I hate this kind of moment in life. I've said many times before in my blog how my heart breaks for the people who were left alone by their loved ones. It's really hard. I hope GOD will take care of them. I hope GOD can show to them that life may be as hard as it can get, it will always be beautiful in the end. Oh, darnit, I don't have anything good to say. I felt sad. =( Imagine losing someone when it's so close to adding one more happy event like Christmas in your life. Condolence Tatay. :(

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas y'all! Had managed to call home today yey! I was trying to call home last night at 12 and ashoeswal, i can't get in to the network. I've talked to them on the phone and I felt more sad not being able to be with them huhu. I also learn from mamu (she's really madaldal talaga), Dad's connect (kabit hahaha i don't want to use the term mistress kasi feeling ko pang-mayaman lang yun!), left him with his two treasured kids for another man who's 27 years old! Nagpapaka-Demi Moore ang lola mo! Bad ko instead of feeling sorry for him, i laugh out loud. Not because Im happy he got dumped, I guess I just felt a little bliss knowing how life really works. Oopps, I'm not so good myself. Sabi sa home alone 3, if you've done a bad thing, try to make a big good deed to at least alleviate what you've done wrong. Hmmm. Well, at least he got to produce two who would carry and continue their name Franco. I just hope they would turn out to be good kids. I still felt a little sad each time I look back but it's what had made me stronger and maybe I owe tiny little thing to otrebron. With the way I live my life back in high school, and am not sure if it's how normal high school kids are, i couldn't be too sure if i would still turn out the way i am now. praning pa din hehe. But I grew up being otrebron's sidekick. After work, in the morning he would usually wake me up and get me up from home and come with him to work then go to my lola's place at his off day. I remember how I love going to Kanlaon even if I know at a young age how Lola hates my mamu. You know byenan-manugang type of war. That's the only place I could eat makopa, chocolates, apple, grapes, goldilocks or castanas at Christmas Time and have my malaking piso turned into limampiso or play with lola's 7 different dogs. But I never felt at home. There's always a wall between me and otrebron's side even if I was tagged back then as Lola's favorite apo. Sigh those were the days. Been a long time since I last visited her. Maybe sa March paguwi ko :)

My 2006 bucket

Now that 2006 is 8 days short 'till it finally say goodbye, i've thought of thinking back and reminiscing what 2006 have brought me. So I could look forward to some of the "planned" things that would happen to me in 2007. Year 2006 walked up on me with a smile as 2005 left me something memorable. Ambilis ng panahon!

Things to remember by:
The proposal. Spending christmas vacation for the first time since I worked here in singapore with my family in the Philippines. Went to Bintan with pitibifor. Wowowee stampede that kills and injures people :(. I got my first Tiffany given be bebi as his valentines gift to me. A friend gave birth to a baby boy in february and became my godson in october. Mudslide in Leyte :(. Kuya Robby visit SG. Sis Apple got a job. Eian, Edward and the kidz moved from Malaysia to Singapore for good. Fort Minor concert. Tried Wall Climbing. Club Med in Bintan. Got addicted to Grey's Anatomy. Kuya, Nanay with the cute kidz visited Singapore. Bebe turned 31. Finally decided to get hitched! Eian and Edward's angel - Ella turned one. Eian, Edward, Lorena and Us went to Siem Reap, cambodia. Face a great deal of making a decision - to stay or not to stay in Hadaba which of course eventually I did. Won first place in 4th HDB Pinoy IT Bowling League. Romantic Dinner at the Sentosa's cable car on my Birthday. Coach bag as a gift from bebe. Got a fringe for the first time. First bday in singapore without a party. Said goodbye to 6 years of work in hdb. East Coast overnight with friends. Spent 6 days in Manila. First Day at SGX. Last Day at SGX. Organized an EB for the first time for W@Wies. Had a try on at Jimmy Choo. 2nd yr anniversary of my ankh. Rakrakan Night. Bebe got his first electric guitar. First Day at FedEx. Said goodbye to a lot of friends. Made new friends. Bebe's first ever performance playing guitar. Christmas parties. Lost Treo 650 phone. Zero visibility of chance to do good deed. :(

Time fly so fast. One year is only 12 months. But look how far we've become since last year. Too many memories. Too many heartaches. But what matters is how strong we've become and happier than ever. We may say our goodbyes to some but definitely worth it to find treasures from others. I've love the way my life has been for the past 12 months and definitely looking forward what 2007 would bring in to my life.

First Day High

Bad things may have poured out on me the past few days and I can't say that I have gotten over it inspite of the very good news. Still, it is something that I really really thanked GOD for never letting me drowned from the "not-so-good" things that knocked me off my feet. Yes, I finally found a new job. It was a lot of signs from GOD that it was what He wanted for me. Today, I just started my first day at FedEx. It was suppose to be yesterday but this "freakin-pain" made me spend about 20 bucks and lose my 1 day of work - starting ko pa lang yan ha! Hayyy focus on the good things. Anyway, my day started ok. Everyone at work was nice. The team consists of about 20 people - only 2 were girls, one was me. Those were the only people I met during the 2 hour meeting we had in the afternoon. Talk about shocked. Thank GOD there were 2 kababayans that I can talked to. I hope the following days or months of my stay there would be fruitful. Kapagod din maghanap ng work. The full 10 days lying around at home made me worried but at least somehow GOD let me have the rest Ive been longing for. Ive been working non stop for 6 years anyway. Though there were times that we took a vacation, this is by far the longest rest I had since birth hehe. Been working my ass off eversince I graduated from highschool. Whew. Thank you Lord for everything. Thank you friends for the support and prayers. Thank you bebe for being so supportive and always believing in me. Thank you Mom for praying hard with me. Thank you sisses for being my inspiration to move on. Naks, feeling nanalo ng Oscar! Winner! Salamat po!

Pouring much?

The last time I called mom, I said that the next phone call she'll get from me will be about my job. But I can't help telling her about my phone. I called her this afternoon and told her about my phone. And then she said, why everything was taken from us little by little. I thought she was just saying that because of my job-seeking adventure and that I just lost my phone. She said Kendz was also resigning from her job because of "management issues". Apparently, her boss, who's a tsinoy, called her a saleslady to which she said she's not that she's a pharmacist of their place which brings to argument that she's not fond of selling and all that and she resigned. Case no. i don't know - my sister apple was also resigning from her job because she wasn't give a proper contract and they refuse to give her some of the benefits that she was entitled to. And now the shocking part - tuesday morning i think around 5 am on her way home from work (she's woking like a customer service at pldt as a technical consultant) - she got robbed inside an FX. All her things, phone, wallet, everything was taken away from her. I didn't felt relieved that I was luckier than her. I hoped she didn't have to go through that and I should have been the one. She's 25 but I will always hope and pray that every single bad thing that was about to come their way will be redirected to me. It's just a relief that she didn't get hurt. I'll try to look at the bright side of life hoping that there's still at least one left. It's days before Christmas and I felt helpless. I can't even do something to what happen to the victims of typhoon Reming. Hell, I can't even extend a little help to my family. Hmm, what should I call this typhoon in my life?

Interview

When one favorite of mine like blogging was deserted, that means im in a total mess at the moment. Ive been juggling my time from refreshing myself from the projects ive done to prepping myself for the most hated part of my existence - JOB INTERVIEW. I had two and still have one tomorrow which im really dreading to go to. I just hope JOB INTERVIEW were not like this. Each one's dreading to sell themselves trying to make a good impression in just 45mins. Im just really hoping and praying really really hard to GOD that at least one from the two interviews I've had will get me huhuhu. Please please, pretty please. I hope this time He'll put me somewhere I really belong. Well, those 3 months wasn't wasted actually. My oracle was refreshed. At least now I can put something 'oracle-y' to my resume. Sigh. Now that my end is about to come in just 2 days, my mind's really not at it's peace mode. I worry about lot of things. But, yes, looking back to those days that I've been like this, God had never left me for one tiny sec. Three wonderful occasion that I'm really excited about was set aside just because of this. Well this one is much more important than the said events. Another sigh.

Reverie

Being in bed for the whole day yesterday, I tried at least to steal a sleep from the @#%$@%^ pain that I had. Every month! Never missed even one single f***ing month! And funny thing is I never get used to it. Darn! Oh sorry. This is not what this blog is about. Have to forget about this.

Anyway, some b2b's (bride-to-be) almost instantly tells you they had weird dreams about their wedding even if it's still a year away. Weird in a way that they have been doing the preparations for a year and their dreams turned out to be a disaster like you never even bother to do one single task. Mine's different. Maybe it has something to do with me browsing the wedding pictures of some w@wies. With them walking down the aisle with their dear parents. This worries me maybe because my parents have been seperated for almost 14 years now. Our family just got complete last year for the sake of my first Christmas in the Philippines since Ive been away. Nothing much to say to go into details of what happened after that because there's none. Now, that one thing in my life that's so important to me will be happening in exactly 9 months time, my Mom asked me if Im going to invite him. Invite him to be my father on my wedding day? Funny hehe but as far as I can remember, during my simple debut party at our home hosted by my nanay (my auntie on mother's side), he wasn't invited but he was there outside our home. He wasn't able to go inside because most of our relatives, mother's side, especially my mom, wouldn't allow him. I was feeling a lot of emotions that time. Happy that he went to see me inspite of what happened. Sad that he was there but he wasn't really. Angry too for what he did. But I still went out to see him and thank him for coming. I just don't exactly remember if I brought food for him. But this is one thing that I like about my mom. Through her pain, she never even once told us to hate our father. Or to never speak to him again. And now, that this wedding is going to happen, the decision is up to me only. Yesterday, I had a reverie that I was in the philippines. Then I saw him on the street walking, to which I casually told him about my wedding and he's invited. That's it. I woke up after that. No drama or action effect. But I am not sure why I had a dream like this when i've already decided that I will be inviting him. Hmmmm.

The Terminal Man

"A match may start a fire, but once the fire is burning, putting out the match won't stop the fire. The problem is no longer the match. It's the fire." - The Terminal Man by Michael Crichton

When it rains, it pours

I haven't got over yet with my "personal" problem just this weekend and now my Monday seems to be starting on a very "lovely" one. Oh yes, im being sarcastic. When I opened the mail that I got from our mailbox last friday it brought me into panic mood. At least, i'm a bit thankful that my weekend didn't get much heavier from the thing that im carrying on my back for 2 nights. Nope, it doesn't end there. When I got to the office while reading my tons of emails, someone, with a higher position i think, from my work approached me. It was regarding the dilemma I had few weeks ago. Thought it was settled - but I was wrong. She talked to me and explained to me in a really nice way that they were letting me go. Because apparently there's some problems or miscommunication with the job requirement when i applied here. Simply put, they require someone who can do scripting in oracle (which she said I can do), deployment of web applications (also I can do), but what they really need is someone who can do testing and MF (which I couldn't and don't have the experience). I told her that it's fine with me and will tender my resignation letter as soon as i had a word with my team leaders and my agent. Now, I've sent an email with the 3 persons involve and just waiting for whatever they have in mind. What more could make this day seem interesting? I received an sms from the owner of our condo telling me of his plans of selling it. Which means, we will be moving out in time. Sigh! What do I feel now? Nothing. Maybe. Or it hasn't reached the bottom part of me yet. Sometimes i think it's true that you get numb when one quandary removes the Y replacing it with IES in the end. Oh well, a lovely day indeed. Bummer.

The Y's of Luv

Why do our heart ache from something that no matter what you did to forget it, it's still there after all? Why isn't there any remedy for BS things like this? Why do we always tend to stay in the abyss of compassion and longingness for someone were not even sure if they know we still exist and suffering, if that could help? Why does love have to be so complicated? Why doesn't people with great power and knowledge who can invent a lot of things haven't think of a cure for heartaches? Im sure it'll be a best seller. I have tons of questions that I'm not sure if someone better could give me an answer. I alone couldn't think of anything to my friend to alleviate what she's going through. I think, if you asked me, world would be a better place if someone could stay in love for too long to just one person. Sorry, I am not being judgemental or righteous for that matter. I do believe people could fall in love to someone at the wrong time. I don't believe that there's such a thing as right or wrong love. I believe in love - period. But it's just one wish that I hope would be granted. To let people be in love for just one and not find themselves in the chasm of painful heartaches. Or cause heartache to someone when they're not sure of what they feel towards the other. I hope she'll get over it and be strong no matter how long she've tried to forget. Nth years ago, I thought it was something she could forget over a bottle of vodka (even she doesn't drink that much) but now I believe how she strongly feels for that person. No matter how much I wanted to say - things would get better - i knew it wouldn't do anything, only God knows WHEN things would be in its proper place. Cheer-up!

The magic of YM

Up until now it amazes me how modern technology had helped people like me to get in touch with people we don't usually see. This day, I've chat with 2 people who've, well, imprint part of their personality in my system. Special child ba. The latter I've last seen was the day before I left Manila for Singapore and since then we never had much time to talk even through email or any kind of communication. We never had that chance to see each other again even through my occassional visits in Manila for some reasons. Now with my status "sniff" *because I got colds*, a familiar nick appeared on my screen with a hint of concern about my status. I didn't know people still care. Through our conversation of how are you's and how things are with each other, those last words on my screen made me smile and thank God that somehow I've managed to save a few friends and special people in my bucket. That phrase "I'll never forget you" seem so sweet to read. This matters because I'm a person diagnosed with a KSP disease and hard-to-please infection. I look like I never care for someone who doesn't give a damn about me but always, at the end of the day i still do... really. (It's already 5 and Im still wide awake! Arrgghhh!)

Happy 2nd, JACCR!

'Tis the month of October again and for the second year, I'm celebrating the masterpiece on my skin. Happy second birthday ankh! Happy birthday jaccr! I feel guilty everytime mom asked me why it never wear off. I guess she had the idea already but doesnt want to admit hehe.

The Departed

Due to stress in the office, I asked bebe if we could watch a movie. This is my medicine when im in stress or feeling sad or wala lang hehehe. Bebit were kind enough to text me if I want to join the group because they planned on watching "Sukob" which I decline as fast as my eyes blink. I really hate horror movies. But Im proud that tagalog movies made it here in singapore. You can't just force me to watch it - yes, kahit pa free! We watched The Departed and I'll say that this is one of the great movies that I really can recommend to all my friends though not for the faint of heart. I don't exactly know how to tell how good a movie is without telling the story so let me just say that this is something worth every cent of what you've paid. Even for that popcorn and hotdog. I literally had asthma attack after the movie. Not exaggerating. Big stars are in it - Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin - and they all did a very good convincing job in portraying their roles. Especially Jack Nicholson. This is one movie that I'll be watching over and over again - after checking my pulse and heart rate first. Oh, by the way, did I mention that this was co-produce by Brad Pitt? *drool* So get up on your ass now and buy yourself a ticket and watch it! I am really glad how we both love watching movies. Wag lang talaga horror! 'Love you man!

first time

it's like being here in singapore for the first time. that feeling of standing on your own and doing every possible way to know your way out of the dark dungeon. someone might yell the way out but you still have to find it at your own risk, at your own time, at your own expense. a month had passed and im still as blind as an owl. i couldn't find the energy to go to work because none of it is a challenge - a nightmare maybe. i have neglected few good things in my life that for the past six years i've really enjoyed doing. now at my leisure time, all i wanna do is lie and think about how i dreaded Mondays. i felt like quitting every tick of the clock. i felt like ignoring the good things it'll do to me and my family at the end of each month just to save my ass for 22 days of being naive and seeing a lot of question marks around my head. i knew i was happy back then but i had to decide what matters most to myself and my future. now, i am not sure if i am having regrets with the decision i made 50 days ago. most good friends says it's what human calls "adjustments". if it is, why the hell it took so long for my system to identify and absorb the reality of where i am now? i guess i don't really hate where my decision had brought me. maybe, i just detest the notion of me in an idiocy state.

Juanang Tamad

If only I could just stay at home
watch movie or sleep all day
surf the net or redecorate our room
finish my scrapbooks and album our photos

If only I could just wake up when i want to
and feel the sheets in my bed
call up all my friends I've missed
and chat all day long

If only I could just shop all the things I want
and frantically take all that glitters
ill buy bags and clothes and shoes
all of them under designer labels

If only I could just choose things i want
like who to work for and what kind of job to do
my time won't be wasted and boring as hell
each would be spent on a meaningful things

If only I could just be contented
with all the things around me
and be thankful that i have a job
that feeds my family and myself

I guess im only yearning for a rest
just like everybody else
a time for my family
and a time for myself
enough to fill up all the time i've missed
until it satiates the emptiness within

solitary world

it took me so long to blog about my new work. nothing much to say about it except rants. sigh! now, after 3 weeks of adjusting to my new environment, it suddenly came into me. i miss my hadaba life. i miss my friends. i miss everyone there. i miss all the auntie's selling kikay stuffs. i miss the merienda. i guess, i need ample time to adjust to where i am now. its peaceful but its kinda lonely. sigh and more sigh. nevertheless, i don't regret or hope for things to get back to its normal state because it is what was given to me. all i need is a space to change the channel to set it to another mood.

#lonli, im miss lonli. i heb nobadi tu kollll my ownnnnnnn

All about friendship

it's very rare that someone used up big words, pure adjectives, all good things about me. i used to be that person too. showing what i truly feel about someone but few storms have washed away that attitude of mine. few have taken notice of the reasons why i care so much about the friendship. now, i thank GOD for there still are people who values friendship like i did last time. I may have been holding of what I truly feel, but GOD knows how much that friendship has been and will always be appreciated by me. Thank you friends. Thank you bebit for that article. It did made me shed a tear. Haylafyu!

Day One in Manila

I woke up as early as I can for my early flight. Don't wanna be late :) This should be a good day to start things because at this same date next year, i will be saying my vows, finally! Now, where was I? Oh, I reached Changi more than an hour before my scheduled flight but i think i was not the only one who planned to start their day right. My suppose to be plan of having breakfast at the McDonalds didn't happen. I couldn't find the freaking man waving, so I opt for a cup of hot chino wif choco muffins at the coffee bean. Ahhhh, the perks of being an early bird. I slept through the entire flight and just woke up when its time for us to land.

It was great seeing my Mom and sis kendz again after 8 months. We went to market market and had lunch at Jabee which bebe's cute niece adores so much. All of us, tatay, nanay, bebe, rein, mom, and kendz had fun eating at Jabee. It's always known how much we, people working overseas, crave for Jabee the moment we set our foot on the ground of manila. I ordered 2-pc chicken for myself and an extra palabok but never got the chance to eat the palabok. Takaw mata kasi. We went home after the hearty lunch. When we got home, I was surprised by the "new-look" of the house. Though, it's still rented, it has now the look and feel of a real home. I just hope someday, I could finally buy my Mom her own lair. Sana lang. Due to lack of sleep, Mom and me dozed off the entire afternoon. Tsk sayang yung araw. When we woke up, my two lovely sisters were already home. Mom cooked a fried tilapia that I lovingly requested for dinner hehe. After dinner, we watched a tagalog movie that stars my crush Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga. I never get this super kilig while watching movies. At one part of the movie, I saw all my three sisters crying, of course i am too. I turned to my mom and told her, "Ano po ba tong mga anak nyo napaka-iyakin lahat!". My mom sniffs, and said, "Oo nga eh", then wipe her tears with her hanky, hahahaha. I thought she wasn't 'mababaw ang luha'. May pagmamanahan talaga! We went to Tia Maria in Malate afterwards. Ronel, a long time good friend followed. The day ends up really good as I've prayed it would. It's good to have a taste of beer especially when it's cheap hehehe =) Day One is over.

Last Day

Some things gotta end no matter how much you still wanted to stay. Factors arise and you have to make a decision. My last day's today after six years of doing programming and making friends. I enjoyed all the surprises during my birthday which was 5 days ago and now my friends still did something nice for me as a parting gift. We had lunch at the McDonalds, of course with free desserts, and before we eat our food, they showed me a video of me with their messages - all of them. Nobody noticed but I almost cried. I have held back my tears not wanting to be too emotional about the situation. But I really really appreciate all that they've done for me. I must have done something right to deserve this kind of friendship but in as much as I wanted to remember, I've done nothing. Maybe I was wrong when it comes to friends. There still are good ones after all. I have acquired a lot of friends during my stay in Hadaba and though most of them have completely forgotten me or got busy with their new work, they still have made me feel how great it is to have friends. And I can't feel anything but be glad with this kind of blessing. The day ended with goodbyes to almost everyone. It's really sad to leave everything good behind. My boss gave me a parting gift as well as my Indian teammate. It was really sweet of them. I almost cried when I hugged Inay and Bebit. I know we still got a lot of chance to see each other but the reality hits me that i'll never see their faces every morning. I'll never get the chance to share a tsismis with them. And joked with them. Have lunch with them. Sigh. Inay, Itay, Bebit, Cuz and me had dinner at Pizza Hut and said our final goodbyes afterwards. I didn't let myself drowned from loneliness. I still have something to look forward to - like spending time with my family in manila even for only a couple of days. Tenchu frenjies, for adding memories to my life.

The Big Day

Tomorrow will be a big leap for me. A big deal to me. Saying goodbye to six years of my work, my table, my boss. Hardest part is saying adieu to friends I've shared so many memories with. Jologz, Pitibifor, my noypi colleagues. It's really hard to let go of things you've grown to love with and have been comfortable with especially when you're having a great time. I never intended to be sentimental but i think i am starting already! Darn wine. I hate change. I hate crossroads. I hate leaving my lair. But you always know you have to. Today might not be the right time, but someday you gotta have to. So saddd. *sniff*

Friendster Update

*Sorry prenjie have to blog this. Event of the century ata to!*

I have been flooded lately with so many events in my life neglecting some of the things that could connect me to my friends. Like friendster. One time, a friend called me wednesday afternoon, telling me he'll be working in singapore and will be coming over sunday same week. I said why didn't he told me earlier to which he said he left a message on my frienster. Darn friendster. I almost totally forgot about it due to blogging. Anyway, I logged in again last night *or was it morning already*, read the messages (wow, ang dami pala nag-greet sa kin nung birthday ko, thanks! u guys), accept requests, accept testimonials, and of course browse through my friends pictures. I never had the chance to change the pictures on my friendster, I guess Im focusing much on my blog. I saw my buntso's profile. Aba, with Sam Milby my crush! Akalain mo nga naman. My sweet little baby had grown up and looks like she's having the most out of her teenage life. And Im so glad. The things that I never had the courage to do when I was her age, she's doing it now and enjoying every detail of it, Im sure. Oh well, can't be too sentimental about it. I'll be seeing them on Friday, yippeee! After my buntso, I checked on my two pretty sweeties too. Looks like they're as busy as ate hehe. I checked on my closest friends. Shocked was registered on my face. Ok im exaggerating. But I was, really framis. He's in a relationship now! With someone I know! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeee! I was shocked bec I've seen him so down in the past and I know most of it, and this thing that have given him happiness I only learn about it from friendster??? *tampo* Not that it matter hehe, still, Im very much happy for him. *I called him this morning to ask about it. Better ask the source itself than asking other people* Oh well, 2006 is really a good year for most of us. Congrats again, my dear good friend. Another answered prayer for me. God bless! =) Distance may be too much, certain things may have happened, but always remember that I will always be your friend no matter what.

Huwaw

I just remembered that this year was the first in six years that i didn't have any birthday party. Huwaw!

A surprise birthday cake

I asked the help of the two macho man - Ulrik and Bossing - to help me in taking all my "office trash" home. Thank you Ulrik and Boss and Ycay for the help! From home, we went to gluttons bay to meet Cuz Eram and Kulet. We had dinner and surprisingly, I've managed to finished the small prawn mee with my favorite barbequed chicken wings, yum! Wow, i'm really that hungry. After the dinner, cuz and kulet take out their surprise for me - a chocolate birthday cake - yipeeeeee! Tenchu tenchu! Im really really touched. Alafyu! Of course, this blog won't be complete without a picture or two of the event to help us conjure what really happen that time hihi. Buti na lang, taking pictures is Boss' and Ulrik's new hobby. Willing model! *taas kamay* Tomorrow, I'll add pictures of me, eram and kulet :)

Fringe.... not!

Lorena invited me to join her for hair colouring since one salon is offering a promotion of two for the price of one. So I decided to check on my favorite model - Jennifer Aniston - where she had one hair color that's a little subtle. Instead of finding aniston, I found myself flipping the pages of cosmopolitan and found cindy kurleto. Perfect color and a fringe! I tear off the page and took it to the salon. It's not like I've thought about it a thousand times, I just thought of it after I saw it hehe. I got bored with the way my hair has been, so I guess taking another style wont hurt. Bebit had it, my buntso had it, my inay had a new hairstyle, and nobody got hurt haha, so I guess it won't hurt me either. Honestly? No regrets, framis, but I am just wishing and crossing my fingers that bebe will like it, and of course my friends. I just hope all of them will honestly tell me if it looks good or not. Oh well, even if it's not, that part of my hair was already down the drain.

From salon to mass to dinner at eian's place, another day had passed. I survived 2 days of being alone in our room. *sana walang mumu*

Is it over?

You know how blessings in your life keeps on pouring that you dreaded the moment it will drown you?

Last night, upon ending another wonderful day celebrating my birthday, i lie beside bebe and got a little sentimental. I guess too much happiness, a painful dysmynorrhea, bebe leaving for manila for 2 weeks causes my tear glands to really open hehe. I slept through it all and woke up the next morning in a real hurry. Bebe's flight was 7.50 AM via Jetstar and we woke up 6.30. I don't know how we got to the airport. Everything is a blur. It's already time to say goodbye. Maybe it's how things works for me. When I get used to something and got comfortable with it, it always makes me uber sad when a little change suddenly came up. Or maybe it just saddens me that i'll be going through a big leap in my life and my "human cushion" won't be there to pat my back on my first day?

Oh, speaking of first day, I went through a lot of job interviews, taking a really big decision of saying adieu to my six years of stay in hadaba and to my friends, since month of August started. I have held myself from getting too excited from the wedding preparations and made myself focused on what has to be done first. I've lost one interview that also made me cry because i really thought that i was hopeless and my confidence seems to lost its way back to me since the day i set my foot in hadaba. But as always, GOD had made his point again of letting me know that everything is in HIS hands not mine. Now, I just signed my contract to a new job. Although only 6 months of contract, what they do in their project is what i really wanted to learn. Im guilty of the white lies ive told to my boss and new employer but only bec i wanted to go back to manila for a while. And i've succeed! Yipeee. My hadaba days will end on the 31st of august, ill be in manila from 1 to 6 of september and on the 7th, ill be facing new people and new challenges. I hope that day would be a lucky one for me and everything will go smoothly.

After signing the contract *feeling artista*, we (Eian, Lorena and me) went to Marina and played bowling. We had fun playing two games and ended up our girl's night out with a sweet cravings of Max Brenner.

Day 1 without bebe - survived! Misyah still, bebe.

Unending birthday surprise

I thought my birthday will end having a simple dinner with bebe. After office, I went to Suntec and waited for him. As soon as he got out from the office, we hailed a cab to my surprise (bec there are a lot of hotels around the suntec area), and I looked at him with a questioning look to which he just smiled back. What added more fun to my surprise was how the driver loves to sing and serenades us with the songs of the platters and some old songs. Its like having Frank Sinatra drove us all the way to Mount Faber. Oh yeah, about the surprise, as soon as we got off, it was a real total surprise for me to know that he had made a reservation that I didn't get any hint of. It was really, really romantic! A dinner at the cable car swept my feet off. Sorry Im a sucker for surprises and romantic scenes. For our appetizer, we both had salmon salad and a creamy mushroom soup. Food wasn't all very "wow" but the ambiance and the person im with made me really really in love and happy.

At the middle of our appetizer and cable car tour, I felt dizzy. Because I was sick the whole day *damn woman thing*, I told him how I really appreciate everything and that I was really sorry to feel sick amidst of the whole romantic thing, and asked him if we could have the rest of the dinner somwhere in the restaurant to which he lovingly agreed. But another surprise came up. He took out something from his pocket which is the "ring" and opened it and asked me "will u be my wife?". *It was the second proposal and it's a long story how he got back the ring* My first words after shock? "My ring!". Then I said "Yes, of course!" hehehe. I actually shouted it hihihi. I don't know what I did to deserve this kind of blessings but I really really thanked GOD for "setting me up" with someone sooooo hensem and sweet and loving as my bebe. Things were not perfect for us but I'd rather have bad times with him than good times with someone else.

He asked the waiters waiting for us to serve our main course to just serve it elsewhere bec I was dizzy. I felt bad. =( The waiters set up a table near the place, and was shocked to see a couple also having dinner there who got dizzy too. Later on, bebe admitted to me that he got dizzy too, *i knew it! lack of sleep i guess*, and we had actually fun the whole night. We had our main course, toast with a glass of wine.

After the dinner, since we never had the chance to ask someone to take our picture with the romantic setting of the cable car, we took this shot for a glimpse of what I was talking about.

My birthday is about to end! And I need something to end it beautifully. Ah, a shot of the MRT. Splendid! *Tenks to Inay and Itay's camera hihihi*

For my 30th year, GOD had given me million reasons to be very grateful and utterly jovial with all the things around me now. Though I had a difficult time dealing with some things, still, my faith that He'll never lets me drown to my desolation never cease.

Habedey Me!

I'm 30! And proud of it! The very first birthday gift I got was from my Mom. A very lady-like pointed shoes. I told her that I was already using it, but the truth is, it was still caged in the box hehe. But don't get me wrong, I so love the shoes! I just dont have the guts to wear them... yet. But of course I will, or mom will kill me. Second gift was from Bebe, a week advance birthday gift. :) It was a Coach bag that I've been eyeing for years to which he always adds up "lahat nmn gusto mo basta bag eh". Darn. He knows me too well. Maybe I'm just a bag person hehe. Im blogging it bec I want to remember it when that 3 became 4 on my age. I got ferrero chocz from Maidy. Twit gel. Past 11, I got a call from a number I don't recognize. Well, whaddaya know, she got a delivery for me, a bouquet! Flowers! I love flowers! It's really lovely! Tenchu bebe. Muah muah! Me and my friends had lunch at McDonalds, although 3 were missing, we missed you Ulrik, Eram and Ami, we stil had fun. I thought Inay and Itay and Bossing wont be there bec they're all busy but they all followed few minutes later. My inay and itay surprised me with a lily! Andanda pramis! Tenchu labli peyrens. Alabyu muah! On our way back to the office I got a call from someone although it's a different story, this too, was one of the many gifts that i'll forever be thankful. When I got back, I saw another bouquet of flowers! And they're from Mame Ces. One of my many mommies. *honestly, most of them are all younger than me haha*. She called me this morning to greet me but I never expect that I'll be receiving something from her. Tenchu mame ces. Alabyu. Tenchu tita les for bringing it. Wait, it's not over yet. I got another gift that looks like a bouquet but instead of flowers, a bear was in it holding a rose. I sooo loved it. Tenchu bebit, rak, nixon and noahby. Labyu labyu! Oh, I got a dog, stuffed toy dog, from Naynay! She said she know I missed toffee so she gave me that. Tenchu!

Whew! Andaming blessings! Only for my birthday! I know there are a lot of times that I asked GOD if there are people - friends or family - that cares about me and loves me. Well, GOD said, there it is. Thank you thank you, friends. It's not just the gifts or text messages or pap aps or calls that I got from them, it's the way they remember my special day inspite their busy day. Thank you to my lovely bebe. Kakataba ng puso! Thank you mommy. For all the love and lessons to learn. Thank you God, for I have now found the answers to some of my wonderings and the courage that I thought I never had. This is why I love birthdays and christmas! #Give it to me bebe ah-huh ah-huh.

GIFTS I GOT!

1. a bag i was drooling about - from my bebe

2. a beautiful bouquet - from my bebe... surprises never stopped!

3. its beauty is pure - a lily from my peyrens, inay and itay

4. as bright as the sun's rays - a bouquet of roses from my mame ces and dade lew

5. cute little bwer - from bebit, rak, nixon and noahby

Thank you friends, for making my birthday lunch a meaningful one!

A Romantic Birthday Eve

I was not in the mood to go out last night but bebe insisted. So we went to Que Pasa at the Emerald Hill and i never regret of going out that night. We had a fab quiet evening with a glass of wine and a corny jokes. I am a woman in love, who's crazy about my bebe and can't get enough of being around him. Maybe it's because the way he makes me feel special and laugh at his corny jokes or am i just mababaw? Oh well. Bebe ordered juve and i ordered sartori, both red. I don't know much about wines, but i love having sauvignon everytime because of its fruity taste. Ive tried shiraz but its too strong for me. Nowadays, I noticed that I rarely ordered hard drinks *unlike before* - wine only please. One, you will never get too drunk from it. Two, its cheaper when you go to bars in singapore bec you don't gobble it all up, you sip it and it's a buy time for you to stay in a bar and enjoy people watching without spending 3 beers hehe. Three, its absolutely healthy. At the strike of 12, over a glass of wine, and a "happy birthday, baby" with a sweet kiss, my birthday's couldn't be better. And it's all complete when i received a txt message from my mom. Funny how the time on my phone that my mom sent her greetings was exactly 12 midnight! Thanks mom, I love you so much. From that time on, until this time at exactly 10.22 am writing this entry to my blog, friends greeted me and Im soooo happy. Thank GOD for giving me friends who never forgets the day you really wanted to feel very speacial. =) *Forgot to take our picture =( I was too "inlove" with the setting and with the company hehe*

A *bowling* league of its own

Blog is a person's way of showing someone's personality, if not all, at least half of what he/she is. Sometimes when you've achieved of something in your life and you are so proud of it and you wanted other people to know it without telling the story in a bragging and annoying way, blog is always that something you can use.

Sorry if I may sound too proud, but I really am just happy with what I've achieved today aside from the fact that the past few hours and days of that moment was really toxic. I mean from work. I played because I wanted to release all the stress I had not really meaning to take home that handsome trophy. But I did! And I'm happy. I was telling my friends that it's my first time to take home a trophy like this playing a real sport. Quick background: I was the annoying-shy-type of kid and I never let myself get involved with any activities in school. There was this time that I was chosen by my classmates and teacher as their candidate for the Miss UN, just to tell you how annoying my shyness has been, I cried and pleaded my teacher in front of everyone in our classroom not to enlist me in that Ms UN thing. Pathetic, huh? I've declined a lot of opportunities in my school days, passing up on acting on a play, joining a sports activity in school, too scared to join the school paper as a contributor, classes with impromptu Q & A always almost failed me not because I don't know anything, and up to now I still regret some of it wondering why I let it pass. But hey, in life, good things always comes and it's never too late for you. Thanks to the organizers - Pre, Hono and Pichi. This just proves that even if we know that we're not so much qualified of doing something, important thing is you know very well your capability to do it. I am proud because I, Hani/Nene/Faye, am the champion of the 4th HDB Pinoy IT Bowling League. Yay! Hooray! Wooooottttt! My gratitude can't be enough without my bebe who've been my coach eversince =) *hahaha parang tunay na labanan ah, sensya na tao lang... marunong magyabang!* Congrats to kambal, too. And to Kulet! I forgot who the others were. Too much excitement makes you neglect your surroundings. Pardon me my friends. I didn't even say hi to Dadi M, Tab, 6, and Rosiel because we came late and the game was starting. Apologies *bow down*.

Stressful Thursday/Friday

My hopes went up when I received 4 different phone calls. It was a good sign... I hope. But still, it didn't stopped me from thanking God and hehe bugging Him for another help. None of the phone calls stopped me from worrying though I'm a little relieved now. Work's still up on my neck. Stayed until 9pm :( My mind can't worked anymore but I have to or else! We went straight to East Coast Park at the Seafood Centre to meet Eian, Edward, Eunice, Mary Ann and the kids. Don't know what to call them, hmmmm, the brady brunch will do for the meantime, hehehe. I was famished. Jumbo's version of Singapore's famous Chilli Crab was so gooooodd. Especially the fried bun. Oily but really good. Still feeling the stress up my neck, I asked bebe if we could have a drink. Simpson (Jessica and Ashley) sisters joined us. The four of us went to Acid Bar in Emerald Hill, Sommerset. I tried the Watermelon Martini and it didn't disappoint me from taking the stress off my shoulder. At my last sip, I felt sleepy. We stayed until the last set of the performers who serenades us with jazz music. We reached home at 2am, took a bath, hugged my bebe, felt the sheets of my bed and dozed off.

Stressful Wednesday

Three loads, deadline's next week, non-stop! My rest was that one hour of lunch. Very tiring, really. I think I can count the number of times I've been to the loo, only because i really need to. Still, I couldn't help but think how I could support my family at the end of this month. Darn responsibilities. My anxiety heightens up every single day that makes me nearer to 4th of september. That night, I sent out more resumes and emailed all the agents my friends knows, crossing fingers that hopefully, out of ten, at least 2 would answer.

Stressful Tuesday

Just few minutes after I opened my computer, my boss approaches me. Well, asking about my decision. I gave them what I thought was good enough for the moment. I was thinking the night before that I've been too scared enough to take changes in my life particularly in my career. Too scared. 6 years of being a contractual programmer had helped me a lot. I never took a step to try it outside because I'm too scared to see what the world looks like outside my own little world. Now, with much prayer and guidance that I seeked from God, I told my boss that I won't take the 3 months extension that they're offering me. He was very supportive of my decision. And that afternoon, aside from too much load that was given to me to finish before the week ends, I thought of only one thing. If Ive decided what I thought was God's plan for me, why do I feel fear? Maybe it's just normal. When I'm stressed, few things can cheer me up. And watching a movie was one of them. We watched Click with Eian and Edward at the Cathay Cinema. It's the best movie, as far as Im concerned. I'll probably post an entry about it. It's how good it is. We had dinner, went home and hit the sack. Oh, thank God I still had it. They said they loved my sopas. I just hope they're honest hihihi.

Weekend 2 in August of 2006

I know that it'll take me months to even start with my entry about our trip to Cambodia. So a little fyi about it won't hurt, I guess. We went to Siem Reap, Cambodia 11th of August 'till 13th. It was really tiring, all walk amidst of the powdery streets *pollution, hellooooo*, sweats dripping from the humidity. Weather have been good to us, beside the fact that in Cambodia, August was suppose to be a rainy season. Too good that the sun happily waves its rays on us. I thought one of us will get a heat stroke, fortunately, we survive. Anyway, the rest of the story of our trip will be posted next time... promise! Good weekend though.

Nostalgic Friday Night

I was getting sad every friday where I usually spend my friday night to bars. I was used to having night out's with my friends. Especially when Annie was here or when Rosiel still works from where I work. We go out on wednesdays where every bar in town especially our fave - Insomnia - held a sign "Ladies Night", and on fridays and saturdays. Can you blame me missing the usual thing Im doing? I don't know what's wrong with me but I always get nostalgic every friday night that im just staying at home. I guess I just miss going out in a bar with my girlfriends having fun dancing and getting a bit drunk hehe. Not that my social life is getting blurred, i do go out all the time with my friends. Oh well, I guess that part of my life is over. Im just being sentimental for a very little reason.

Anyway, we went for bowling that friday night. I just skipped on BJ (Botak Jones), since I have to go to Orchard for Ella's pictures for her birthday party. Being alone, on a friday night made me write this kind of thing. I wasn't sure how bebe's gonna stay patient with me on this hehehe. It's usually his "day out" and I just bugged him with my nonsense which I held on the details for some reason *wink*. I wasn't my pretty self that night *sorry guys* that I thought of just going home instead of going to Marina but held back since I know that I won't be doing anything at home. But I did enjoyed the whole time I was with them. It's my way home that made me go back to my sentimental foolishness. We went home around 12. Still looking forward to going out. With that, I ask for a cig which I've been reluctantly doing for the past few months. Im no addict. I do puff, but only when Im at a bar. Sigh. It's sad to see that chapter of my life is over. I guess you just missed something or someone when you know that you're having the best time of your life when they're around.

Sentimental Thought

Few more hours to go and it's now time to say goodbye to July. A lot of things are bound to happen in August. And month after that. A lot of things that could steer you away from the life that you got used to. From everyday waking up in the morning doing the same old thing at work for the past six years. From looking forward every week to weekends so you can go out with your friends. From everyday lunch, eating together with your friends telling each other stories and realizing how you had fun without fully realizing what you had for lunch. From looking forward to tell your friends all the good things happening in your life not meaning to brag but it's always good to know that a lot of people is happy for you. Some very good things in life are bound to end. Of course, there's always a window of opportunity to let another much better things to happen, but if you've been very comfortable with all the things around you, why look forward to another good thing? But life is made that way. It has to move one. Because somehow, somewhere, with reasons that we alone could not explain, people and friends could grow tired of having us around. New things always excites human. It's their nature. It may be your nature to just sit and get relaxed with all the things around you, people have different DNA's, different fingerprints, all different from one another. Yes, in a month's time, I would be saying adieu. To my work, to my workplace, to my bosses, especially to my friends. It's poignant how people have to say goodbye to things they've grown to love. I don't want to be this sentimental at an early stage but it just hit me. And I still haven't found any job yet. Although good things are happening now at the moment, it still can't be enough to alleviate the little sadness in my heart. I just wish I could have the power to control everything and be it according to what I could be comfortable with. I guess every people wished for this. Or it's just me always wishing to have an easy life.

Rants

There are things in life though how difficult it is for you to go on in life, you can't seem to unload your feelings towards your friends. It's like feeling worst telling it to some close friends than keeping it by yourself. And so being alone is one of the best option. Your concern touches me my dear friends. I may not look fine, but I will be... in time. Every wound heals without us realizing it.


"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

Flat Line

have u ever have that "someone" that you actually never had?

have u ever felt something just by looking at them and suddenly realized how much you missed them?

have u ever thought how u always longed for something that you can't have? or maybe it's just bec of the fact that you wanted to have it bec u know u can't have it?

have you ever wondered for so many times how good it will be to kiss someone especially when they look weary, tired or sad?

so many wonderings in just a matter of minutes. your sanity flew out of you the moment your heart beats faster than its normal pace. the moment your eyes met amidst of chaos, there's a pain inside u that you can't just seem to understand. seems like for you it never stops. seems like for them you're already history.

rational people still do stupid things, so judgement is not always an option.

GA Addiction

I'm one of them now. Those who sleep late at night just to catch up with the previous episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Those who walks in the office like a zombie with big eye bags and heavy eyes, and uncontrollable yawning. Yep, that's me. Guilty as charge. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But it is really getting out of hand. "Seriously". Been making my night time as my day time. I have tried drinking a glass of wine every night with every meal just to be able to sleep at an early time. It's effective alright, and my eyes are getting heavy, but after I hit the shower, my nerves are alive again. And so it begins. Maybe what I need is to change my strategy, don't you think? Oh well, time will come that I'll be able to watch all of it. All I need is a cup of hot coffee, lots of it. Hmmmm, maybe it's time to try espresso.

Sorry, forgot to tell what's good about Grey's Anatomy. Except for the "ewwww" part of seeing the insides of a person to which I think Im beggining to appreciate, the respect and admiration that i have for the doctors, nurses and all those peope who have spent almost their entire life trying to save other people's setting aside their own have grown. A thousand reasons to watch it, believe me. Every perspective changes and lies to each individual. It's not about the unfathomable relationship between derek and meredith, or cristina and burke, it's about everything else.

Sometimes, we read and watch movies or series for that matter, just to be able to grasp the other possibilities of life. Of going through something heartbreaking without really feeling it in reality, of appreciating the works of some people we never cared to look at how they live their life and only knowing how much they earn, of being in a place you will never imagine to be at except being sick which of course every people dismay, of being in a situation where deciding is the worst thing you'll ever do and thanking GOD that you were not in their shoes, of feeling the pain of someone dying in front of you when all you aim to do is to save that person. Isn't it wonderful how people deal with their everyday lives and still get out of every painful situation no matter how difficult it is? How we always whine about what we have, totally clueless of how lucky we are compare to others? How I, "seriously", am getting on your nerves just to convince you to watch it? Well, it's your loss. Hehehe. "Seriously".