Five things you may not know about what i do in a typical day
1. on weekdays, i always set up my alarm clock to 6:45 (so that i could have extra 15 mins) but ends up waking at 7:30! (and im always late for work)
2. on my way to work (that is if i woke up early which is very very seldom), i always carry along with me a book to read.
3. my coffee routine: at home before i leave for work, at the office before i start working, in the afternoon to keep me awake, and in the evening after dinner.
4. in the office i start my day listening gospel songs on my mp3 player. (one of my favorites are deeper in love, above all, potter's hand, as the deer, kids in worship and now i dance) and when my "tank" is full, i switched to creed, green day, linkin park.
5. on a sunday, i snooze till 1 or 2 in the afternoon and 3 if i went out clubbing the night before, then do household chores with bebikoh, take a relaxing bath (doing some of my vain things), attend mass at 6pm, dinner, loaf around till sleeping time.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
ABNKKBSNPLAKo?!
ABNKKBSNPLAKo?! Aba nakakabasa na pala ako
I stopped reading "Trading Up" for a moment and opt to finish the book that cich lend me. Some lines were cliched but mostly taught about what kind of life we have during our school days. While reading, sometimes I cant help but smile remembering my good 'ol days in school. From the nutri-bun (a kind of bread), to name calling of teachers, to kinds of students, to having new set of things whenever school opens, to assignments, to projects, and to the very details that "make" us a student. Bob Ong, the author, is a genius for creating such book as this. I've finished reading his other book "Ang alamat ng gubat" and pleading cich to lend me the "Libro ni hudas". Ah, the perks of reading. Always satisfies me and serene my oh-so-stressful-life. As i always say, so many books so little time. Ciao!
I stopped reading "Trading Up" for a moment and opt to finish the book that cich lend me. Some lines were cliched but mostly taught about what kind of life we have during our school days. While reading, sometimes I cant help but smile remembering my good 'ol days in school. From the nutri-bun (a kind of bread), to name calling of teachers, to kinds of students, to having new set of things whenever school opens, to assignments, to projects, and to the very details that "make" us a student. Bob Ong, the author, is a genius for creating such book as this. I've finished reading his other book "Ang alamat ng gubat" and pleading cich to lend me the "Libro ni hudas". Ah, the perks of reading. Always satisfies me and serene my oh-so-stressful-life. As i always say, so many books so little time. Ciao!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Norah Jones Concert
bebikoh and i watched the norah jones' concert on sunday night with couples annie and patrick *who'll be getting married on wednesday, whohooooo!*. i feel like in a trance or something from hearing her voice. it was so far from listening to her cd's. she can make her audience laugh in a very charming way but you can still see her coyness.
every song touches my heart, especially the "One Flight Down" and "Don't know why". norah jones has brought class and taste back into music industry. im not a fan of jazz music, actually. im more of a Linkin Park-Green Day person. But when she sings, I felt some sense of relief. Anyway, like all good things in life, it came to an end. It only lasted for less than 2 hours but it was the best concert ive ever been to. it was such a good night.
Between Love and Responsibility
I find it very amusing to read a cheesy article like Joe D' Mango's. But each word from his advises melts my heart and taught me, somehow, in a way, few things in life especially in love. *Hey don't argue with me... I'm sentimental, I know!* I promise in as much as I can to update my blog every week with one of his article. (Source: http://www.inq7.net) Read on.
DEAR Joe,
It's been seven years since I met Marco, the man of my dreams. I was a high school senior and he was in college. He respected me, loved me, and took care of me. I thought things would be perfect for us, until one day Marco told me to forget him. I was shocked. Had I become a bad girlfriend? Then he confessed that his ex-girlfriend Marla was two months pregnant.
Joe, I never expected how much it would hurt. He married Marla and became a responsible father. Meanwhile, I graduated, moved on and went to the US.
Now it's been five years, and I'm back in my hometown. I looked for a job and met people. I actually met Marco once on the busy streets of Makati. We were both speechless. We had coffee, and I was excited to be with him again. Then I saw the wedding ring on his finger. It reminded me that he was already married. All he said was sorry. I looked straight into his eyes, and I wanted to scream and tell him how much he had hurt me. But his eyes melted my heart as and I felt instead like I wanted to kiss and hug him.
I asked him how he was. He told me he was fine, that he had one kid and didn't plan to have another. I was surprised when he told me the name of his daughter—it was my name. I was really touched and ended up crying. All these years, Joe, I thought I had moved on, but I was wrong.
He told me he loved me still. I never dreamed I would consider being a mistress. I could take him away from his wife but I couldn't take him away from his daughter. Now I'm so confused. I know which is the right thing to do, but I'm having a hard time ignoring him. I love him, Joe. I really do.
Sincerely yours,
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
There comes a time when the only way to love a person is not to love him at all. Marco sacrificed his own happiness for a responsibility he owed his ex-girlfriend and her child. His commitment to his responsibility outweighed his commitment to your relationship. But, as many would say, true love will always have a way of working its way back, no matter how long it has gone or how far it has been.
Marco said he still loves you. It is easy to blame him for leaving you. But he had his reasons and his reasons were noble. He had to sacrifice his own happiness for a child who is going to bear his name. That meant making a decision, and when he walked down the aisle with the mother of his child it also meant that he would not look back anymore.
When your paths crossed again, he saw what he missed. But marriage doesn't have any room for a second love. You have a place in his heart but not in his life now. That is the sad fact. And no matter how much love there is left in your heart, you will still have to be bound by reason and principle. As you said, you could never take him away from his daughter.
Kathy, not all fairy tales have happy endings. You have moved on and this brief interlude with a lost love should not keep you from going. Marco has his own life and family now. You could have a home in his heart forever but you should keep yourself from breaking into his real home. He belongs to someone else now, and you should, too.
Remember that no matter how long we have waited and failed, there will always be someone out there who will love us the way we want to be loved. There is always someone out there whom we can walk with and share our joys with. There is someone meant for us. All we have to do is believe that there is and give ourselves the chance to find it.
DEAR Joe,
It's been seven years since I met Marco, the man of my dreams. I was a high school senior and he was in college. He respected me, loved me, and took care of me. I thought things would be perfect for us, until one day Marco told me to forget him. I was shocked. Had I become a bad girlfriend? Then he confessed that his ex-girlfriend Marla was two months pregnant.
Joe, I never expected how much it would hurt. He married Marla and became a responsible father. Meanwhile, I graduated, moved on and went to the US.
Now it's been five years, and I'm back in my hometown. I looked for a job and met people. I actually met Marco once on the busy streets of Makati. We were both speechless. We had coffee, and I was excited to be with him again. Then I saw the wedding ring on his finger. It reminded me that he was already married. All he said was sorry. I looked straight into his eyes, and I wanted to scream and tell him how much he had hurt me. But his eyes melted my heart as and I felt instead like I wanted to kiss and hug him.
I asked him how he was. He told me he was fine, that he had one kid and didn't plan to have another. I was surprised when he told me the name of his daughter—it was my name. I was really touched and ended up crying. All these years, Joe, I thought I had moved on, but I was wrong.
He told me he loved me still. I never dreamed I would consider being a mistress. I could take him away from his wife but I couldn't take him away from his daughter. Now I'm so confused. I know which is the right thing to do, but I'm having a hard time ignoring him. I love him, Joe. I really do.
Sincerely yours,
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
There comes a time when the only way to love a person is not to love him at all. Marco sacrificed his own happiness for a responsibility he owed his ex-girlfriend and her child. His commitment to his responsibility outweighed his commitment to your relationship. But, as many would say, true love will always have a way of working its way back, no matter how long it has gone or how far it has been.
Marco said he still loves you. It is easy to blame him for leaving you. But he had his reasons and his reasons were noble. He had to sacrifice his own happiness for a child who is going to bear his name. That meant making a decision, and when he walked down the aisle with the mother of his child it also meant that he would not look back anymore.
When your paths crossed again, he saw what he missed. But marriage doesn't have any room for a second love. You have a place in his heart but not in his life now. That is the sad fact. And no matter how much love there is left in your heart, you will still have to be bound by reason and principle. As you said, you could never take him away from his daughter.
Kathy, not all fairy tales have happy endings. You have moved on and this brief interlude with a lost love should not keep you from going. Marco has his own life and family now. You could have a home in his heart forever but you should keep yourself from breaking into his real home. He belongs to someone else now, and you should, too.
Remember that no matter how long we have waited and failed, there will always be someone out there who will love us the way we want to be loved. There is always someone out there whom we can walk with and share our joys with. There is someone meant for us. All we have to do is believe that there is and give ourselves the chance to find it.
Monday, April 11, 2005
My Sunday Moment
Yesterday, we went to Boys Brigade to attend a "Worship Service". I don't have any notion of what was it all about. I just remembered once, my friend telling me something about it like the Israel and passover and some few things i can't remember. And so when he invited one of our friends, I decided to "tag along" and give it a try. I can honestly say that I enjoy every minute of it. *Well except for the part that I couldn't say* The place and the people gave us a very warm welcome that I could not resist but felt the peace and happiness of the people around us. I love listening to other people's laments and happiness because I always end up learning something. When the "sharing" part comes, I have trouble finding myself talking in front of many people. I have so many things inside my head that I wanted to share at that time but I can't talk just like that. I hate talking in front of many people. Plus the fact that I'm very emotional. I might cry and create a scene and make a fool out of myself. Maybe when the right time comes along. Who knows, I might continue attending the Shekinah (A hebrew word for manifest presence of GOD) or whatever they call it. (I know I still need help on this). Have to know what the church is all about! Oh by the way, I will still go to a catholic church every Sunday... Tenchu koks!
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Friendster
Everytime I go through my friendster account, I can't help but feel sad. seeing the familiar faces of the people I love tells stories to be remembered, memories that some are of pure bliss and some have brought us pain. It allows me to feel vulnerable, like it's hitting my weakest spot until it's tender enough to break. Everytime I see all those faces, I'm reminded that there are only few who've actually asked how I've been and my incessant hankering for one, just ONE anything-under-the-sun conversation lingers like a stomach pain that won't go away. Friendster was made to reach out to those people who you've never had any contact with. For me, it's a constant reminder of how i've acquired a lot of so-called "friends" but only few really considered me as one. Those who really know the proper time I needed one...
Monday, April 04, 2005
Nhel
I was ecstatic after that "little talk" i had with my friend that saturday afternoon. He was, one of those people I've hurt so much but didn't have the chance to apologize. We've been together for less than a month and all I have were the letters and sweet notes that he have given me as a reminder of how he have been true to me. And for over ten years, inspite of what I did, we remain to be friends, good friends as I may say. And for this, I never failed to thank GOD for giving me so much blessings in my life.
Nel, always remember that you will always be special in my heart. GOD made us see the way to true happiness but sometimes in life for us to be able to see the beauty of what was in front of us we have to walk a few steps back to help us appreciate it even more. GOD had showed us the way to two different special people but still managed to leave us each other. I always thank GOD, for giving you the happiness that you truly deserve in Mel's loving presence, for giving you to me as a treasure that I'll forever keep, for giving me someone I never thought of deserving to have. And I'm forever thankful for we have both found the piece of our missing puzzle. Labsyu! Forever, Mel, my family, Rommel and I will always be here for you. God Bless!
Nel, always remember that you will always be special in my heart. GOD made us see the way to true happiness but sometimes in life for us to be able to see the beauty of what was in front of us we have to walk a few steps back to help us appreciate it even more. GOD had showed us the way to two different special people but still managed to leave us each other. I always thank GOD, for giving you the happiness that you truly deserve in Mel's loving presence, for giving you to me as a treasure that I'll forever keep, for giving me someone I never thought of deserving to have. And I'm forever thankful for we have both found the piece of our missing puzzle. Labsyu! Forever, Mel, my family, Rommel and I will always be here for you. God Bless!
Soulmate
I've asked few friends of mine what they thought of "SOULMATE". What does it mean and what comes first into their mind when this word pops suddenly into a conversation like this? And if anyone of them believe in it? Of course, different reaction from different people. Different views. Different beliefs. Some reacted, well, not violently, but almost *pis@ano*. Some may believe that this word is true. Some think of it as a waste of time. But if you look at the true meaning of the word "soulmate" it will surely stir the minds of many.
Nene-> do u blv in soulmate?
koks-> kelangan mag agree mona tayo dun sa definition bago tayo mag agree at disagree
benga-> malalim yan
maxx-> solmeyt = old frens yun souls nyo
cichlyd-> literally yun yun -> soul mates
benga-> pde rin kc soulmnate mo nanay mo tatay mo
Nene-> niniwala ka?@mmb
benga-> uu la nmn mawawala e *orayt*
cichlyd-> ko den
maxx-> bat date alan naman sinasabing solmeyts? kelan ba nauso?
benga-> kc ngayon pag solmeyt laging magjowa
koks-> ano ibeg sabihen?
benga-> d nmn ganun yun
benga-> ayon sa guni-guni un daw e iisang kaluluwa na napaghati kaya pag muling nagtagpo
Nene-> bakit nga ba may soulmate pa?
maxx-> e di tayo naniniwala sa reincarnation ah
benga-> kc sa catholic ndi pinaniniwalaan un
cichlyd-> wag nyo na kasi masyadong palalimin yung meaning
koks-> teka, i -establish muna naten ang meaning bago pagtalunan kung agree o hinde
koks-> korek, ke mababaw o malalim na meaning importante maliwanag sa lahat ang pinauusapan
koks-> pag nagkaganun, wala kang ma establish na universal truth everyting is relative
koks-> yun nga eh, aanhin mo ang opinyon kung iba iba ang basis
koks-> di ko alam kung ano yang soulmate , kaya nga kanina ko pa nitataong kung sino makakapag define
cichlyd-> ok ang depinisyon ko ng soulmate ay ganito
cichlyd-> yung tipong prenjie ko tas hindi na namin kelangan magpaliwanagan o magsabi minsan sa isat isa alam na namin ang gusto naming dalawa tas yung mga pagkakataon na yun napapadalas minsan
cichlyd-> basta mararamdaman mo e
Nene-> niniwala k s soulmate ende dahel sa religion del don s nararamdaman mo?
cichlyd-> uu@nene
cichlyd-> set aside ang religion
tsiskeyk-> soulmates - being with a person that u dont know, but feels like u know him/her all your life. overwhelming and wonderful feelings that u cant explain when ur with the person, u cant even call
I don't believe in this, actually. No reason at all. I just dont happen to believe that there is, err, such thing as soulmate.
Maybe some of you have an opinion on this?
Nene-> do u blv in soulmate?
koks-> kelangan mag agree mona tayo dun sa definition bago tayo mag agree at disagree
benga-> malalim yan
maxx-> solmeyt = old frens yun souls nyo
cichlyd-> literally yun yun -> soul mates
benga-> pde rin kc soulmnate mo nanay mo tatay mo
Nene-> niniwala ka?@mmb
benga-> uu la nmn mawawala e *orayt*
cichlyd-> ko den
maxx-> bat date alan naman sinasabing solmeyts? kelan ba nauso?
benga-> kc ngayon pag solmeyt laging magjowa
koks-> ano ibeg sabihen?
benga-> d nmn ganun yun
benga-> ayon sa guni-guni un daw e iisang kaluluwa na napaghati kaya pag muling nagtagpo
Nene-> bakit nga ba may soulmate pa?
maxx-> e di tayo naniniwala sa reincarnation ah
benga-> kc sa catholic ndi pinaniniwalaan un
cichlyd-> wag nyo na kasi masyadong palalimin yung meaning
koks-> teka, i -establish muna naten ang meaning bago pagtalunan kung agree o hinde
koks-> korek, ke mababaw o malalim na meaning importante maliwanag sa lahat ang pinauusapan
koks-> pag nagkaganun, wala kang ma establish na universal truth everyting is relative
koks-> yun nga eh, aanhin mo ang opinyon kung iba iba ang basis
koks-> di ko alam kung ano yang soulmate , kaya nga kanina ko pa nitataong kung sino makakapag define
cichlyd-> ok ang depinisyon ko ng soulmate ay ganito
cichlyd-> yung tipong prenjie ko tas hindi na namin kelangan magpaliwanagan o magsabi minsan sa isat isa alam na namin ang gusto naming dalawa tas yung mga pagkakataon na yun napapadalas minsan
cichlyd-> basta mararamdaman mo e
Nene-> niniwala k s soulmate ende dahel sa religion del don s nararamdaman mo?
cichlyd-> uu@nene
cichlyd-> set aside ang religion
tsiskeyk-> soulmates - being with a person that u dont know, but feels like u know him/her all your life. overwhelming and wonderful feelings that u cant explain when ur with the person, u cant even call
I don't believe in this, actually. No reason at all. I just dont happen to believe that there is, err, such thing as soulmate.
Maybe some of you have an opinion on this?
Religion
With a group of friends, there were times that you can't help but talk about religion especially at this time that our dear beloved Pope just passed away. I don't intend to pass this kind of topic because i have so much in my mind. Im not saying that I am good at this or Im too confident enough to say that I know so much better than others. As a matter of fact, I still crave for these kind of knowledge. But sometimes, I just don't see why some people choose to insist what they believe in to others who are not on the same "road" as they are. I know I still have a lot of things to learn, and maybe just by listening I could learn more. But I couldn't help but think, yeah sometimes I need to listen but mostly, all I need is my faith to GOD that what we have between us is enough for me to know that I don't need to learn more from others. By experiences, HE had been my sole teacher from the things that if humans like me would taught me, it would confuse me even more. I may not have enough in my hands at the moment, but GOD will fill everything I need to know. Im not as strong as others. I am weak. But GOD will make me. He had made me for the past years of my life. So, in as much as I can, I tried not to judge other people from what they believe in or what they do. But hey, this only applies for me. *wink*
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
The OC's last episode of Season 1
Last night we were watching THE OC in dvd, season 1. And all I did was grab a tissue and wipe the gushing tears down my face. It's like I can't just stop crying. It's the last episode where Ryan bids goodbye to his "adopted family" because he have to go back to chino with Theresa who happens to be pregnant. It was the saddest episode ever! I vividly recall all my friends who've left not because they want to but because they have to and "choice" is not a powerful word for them at that moment. But whenever someone is leaving, I always end up thinking over and over again "why is it more painful to be the person being left behind than the one leaving?". I feel more compassion to those people. Because they're the one's who don't have the power to make someone stay. They dont have the choice but to shed tears and relive the remnants of the memories with that very same person. Living their everyday life with the could-have-been's and feeling so empty without the other. It's so hard to be at that end of the rope but things always turns out fine, gradually. As long as you know that what you once have will remain in your heart...
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Lindol
Quarter to 11 last night while am at home with my friends, I thought I just felt dizzy. And then my friend said "lumilindol wag kayong gagalaw". I was really scared. It lasted for I don't know how long but to me it feels like eternity. I was frantically crying inside my room with my cousin. I don't know why I cried but I really really felt so sad at that moment experiencing one thing i feared the most and my bebikoh was not there. After all Ive been through, I thought I can live my life alone without anyone else. But I was so wrong. I have build my life around the few people that matters to me - My family and my bebikoh. Without them I am nothing. They are the reason of my existence, of my strength, of my every smile. I haven't watched any news yet. And as selfishly as I have been and Im asking GOD's forgiveness about it, because of fear I forgot to think of other people. I only reached out to those few people that really matters to me. And when I heard from my friend who have read the news, 300 people died in Nias, Indonesia, it strucks me that I never thought of other people. I didn't even utter a prayer for them last night. This really makes me sad. =(
Monday, March 28, 2005
Blogging
I guess this was meant to help people like me to overcome sadness and feeling alone and not having someone to talk to. I always mumble about how things were going on with me at the moment but it always passes by the wall like a wind. Nobody levels to the depth of my being. No one knows me better. To them, I am just an acquaintance, of no importance at all. Of what my personality consists only of those that hurts them. They do not see what is beyond those words. Maybe to them I am really not a friend. Because they don't know me. Or maybe I always say the wrong choice of words. I never had any hatred in my heart. Things happen and I let them be. But I can't help but be hurt when they do nothing but accused me when i am way too far being the person they thought I am.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Sentimental Fool
Today I'm feeling emotional. Maybe sign of old age hehehe. I don't know. I'm feeling sad and feeling vulnerable. No one to talk to. My bebikoh's busy with his work besides I know no one will understand me. Im just sad... Too sad. Happy in a way that my friend Annie have accomplished so many great things this year including two essential things a woman wants. Sad because anytime now she'll be leaving for LA. There's email, yeah, but it's different. Although I know that even she just stays 3 floors below from us and we don't see each other that much, the feeling of she's just there is always enough to bring me bliss. First, my dear dear friend Joey and then Eian, now it's Annie. The good times that we had will always be here in my heart, guys. Maybe that's the reason why pictures are invented. To keep the happy memories alive. To let us always see the good times of our friendship. Not the misunderstandings, or the times that we never had any communications, or the little things that we argue about. And that's what Im keeping here in my heart. Because friends, for me are important. I may not have that skill of keeping them or letting them know that they matter to me, GOD knows how they have changed me, how they have brought me tears and much happiness.
I know nothing in this world is permanent. Nothing will stay even if you asked or want them to. Im just glad and thankful to GOD that I've come along the path where they were. Im glad that Ive known few people I called friends and few I called best friends.
I know nothing in this world is permanent. Nothing will stay even if you asked or want them to. Im just glad and thankful to GOD that I've come along the path where they were. Im glad that Ive known few people I called friends and few I called best friends.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Coming Back
When things that you were thinking back when you were still at the stage of "im-still-hurt-don't-ever-think-of-coming-back" keeps playing in your ahead a few months ago and then things suddenly turning out fine, I can't suppress this happy feeling inside me. The pain of yesterday's wounds have healed little by little but not entirely. I dont know if my bliss lies to the notion that there's someone i can call "dad" again or knowing that my mom will finally get the happiness she truly deserve. Truly when you love someone it will always restore all the anguish you've felt, no matter how much it is. We can't accept him right away at our home just like that. Things will happen little by little. And if my mom accept him, there is nothing we could do but to pave way to the happiness of our mother. I just hope that he's back because he realized what he had done and he still loves my mom. Not because he sees something that will benefit him. Im sorry if I doubted him this way but i know that i'll be more sorry if i knew i was right. God sure knows when to pick you up and gives you so much joy that you don't deserve. =)
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Regrets
There were these times in my life that I asked myself, what if i have made a different decision that would produce a different outcome, and would go the other way around? I tried to live my life as it is, without any regrets, without looking back to the what if's and could have been's of my life. But there were "things" that I can't help but hate that I have drowned myself in a pool of mud that I created. Where I've hurt some people I don't intend to put into so much pain. Where I could say that If only I've been so sane enough not to put up with such mess. Maybe things really happen for a reason. To teach me something or to make me realize that what I have in my hand are the best and they were God's gift to me. I crave to taste what others have to which have done nothing but lead me to pain and vast misery. I may have lost a few that matters so much to me, but I know that I've learned my lesson well.
Monday, February 14, 2005
The hardest thing that life can offer
I've known them too long, as a couple, as partners. Whenever we attend parties, you can see them either in one corner or talking to other people. But they were there... together... with much bliss that can't be illustrated even by picasso. I am used to it. Everyone is used to it. I see them almost every month together, not once one of them attended a party without the other. And then that changed. It's been countless times that she went to our place, alone. She had a smile on her face but it's different. I began to wonder why is he not around for a number of times. I asked her twice, she said he's working overseas. I don't know why I could not believe it. But something tells me that there's something wrong. But I let it pass. I wanted to ask but I can't just do that.
Yesterday, after our usual party-till-dawn event, she approach me. She told me everything. They can't be together now for some reasons. Tears kept flowing down my eyes. I can't help it. It's as if I was there watching her in pain, but I couldnt help her. I felt her pain. I know the feeling. And i know how hard it is. But pain varies for every person no matter how she or he can carry it. She's brave. I saw those eyes full of anguish but I see God's strength. They've been together for 6 years. I never thought things like this will happen just like that. I know things happen for a reason. I know that GOD has always something better for all of us. I know everything will turn out fine. But it's never easy to carry out so much pain. I've experienced it and yet the wisdom that this pain have thought me years ago just vanished. Instead I felt the grief that I once endure. I have not given her enough strength. I just sat there silently, weeping, responding only when she needs it. But I think, none of what I said, helped her. I wanted to but I wasn't strong enough. She's even stronger than me.
Things like these aren't new to my ears. They've been there all along, making it happen, making me realize, making me feel how things are when it comes to these kinds of predicament. But when it happens to you or to the people you love and cared about, you felt the twinge of pain as much as they are feeling it. It saddens me why some people have to endure pain such as this. Why things like this happen? Why do good people have to endure such agony? I know GOD will never leave her. It is not GOD who planned these things. Done by the people who never cared at all. Done by some who for some reason was trapped with choices. I don't know what I believe in right now. I don't know if being cynic about love will make a difference. I don't know if it'll be the same if I don't love much. I'm sad even if there's a lot of things that brings me bliss every second of my life. I felt alone even if I have the people around me who do everything to make me feel loved and important. I've been locking myself up in a place where there are no friends who could hurt me. Only GOD, my family and bebikoh matters to me. But sometimes it upsets me knowing that I love and value few friends but I don't know if I have made a way to let them know that.
Its true that a friend's agony will always be a ghost in you. Afraid of what you may become when you're at her shoes, maybe? Or losing trust to the ONE who could only give you strength? Im being sad and pathetic. But this is what I feel. This is my blog anyway. It'll go away sooner or later. I know it's not suppose to be a sad day or something bec it's heart's day, but I so can't help it. For now, thanks for listening, errr, reading...
Yesterday, after our usual party-till-dawn event, she approach me. She told me everything. They can't be together now for some reasons. Tears kept flowing down my eyes. I can't help it. It's as if I was there watching her in pain, but I couldnt help her. I felt her pain. I know the feeling. And i know how hard it is. But pain varies for every person no matter how she or he can carry it. She's brave. I saw those eyes full of anguish but I see God's strength. They've been together for 6 years. I never thought things like this will happen just like that. I know things happen for a reason. I know that GOD has always something better for all of us. I know everything will turn out fine. But it's never easy to carry out so much pain. I've experienced it and yet the wisdom that this pain have thought me years ago just vanished. Instead I felt the grief that I once endure. I have not given her enough strength. I just sat there silently, weeping, responding only when she needs it. But I think, none of what I said, helped her. I wanted to but I wasn't strong enough. She's even stronger than me.
Things like these aren't new to my ears. They've been there all along, making it happen, making me realize, making me feel how things are when it comes to these kinds of predicament. But when it happens to you or to the people you love and cared about, you felt the twinge of pain as much as they are feeling it. It saddens me why some people have to endure pain such as this. Why things like this happen? Why do good people have to endure such agony? I know GOD will never leave her. It is not GOD who planned these things. Done by the people who never cared at all. Done by some who for some reason was trapped with choices. I don't know what I believe in right now. I don't know if being cynic about love will make a difference. I don't know if it'll be the same if I don't love much. I'm sad even if there's a lot of things that brings me bliss every second of my life. I felt alone even if I have the people around me who do everything to make me feel loved and important. I've been locking myself up in a place where there are no friends who could hurt me. Only GOD, my family and bebikoh matters to me. But sometimes it upsets me knowing that I love and value few friends but I don't know if I have made a way to let them know that.
Its true that a friend's agony will always be a ghost in you. Afraid of what you may become when you're at her shoes, maybe? Or losing trust to the ONE who could only give you strength? Im being sad and pathetic. But this is what I feel. This is my blog anyway. It'll go away sooner or later. I know it's not suppose to be a sad day or something bec it's heart's day, but I so can't help it. For now, thanks for listening, errr, reading...
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Humbled
Feel so sad at the moment...
Everyday I tried my best to find time and watch the news. I know for some people who were still missing due to tsunami, hope will always be there. I feel their pain but compare to what they were facing, it's just a diminutive of what they have experience. Every night since that tsunami started, I shed tears. The number of dead bodies increasing, the number of people wailing putting up the littlest of hope that somehow amidst of the pile of the dead bodies they would see their family. Seeing the children lifeless, who will never had the chance to see what future lies ahead of them, breaks my heart. The whole world is watching. All aches for them. All longs to help. But up to what extent? Soon, the whole world will go back to its everyday life. But the people will always face the nightmare of what they've been through. They will live their second chance of life wondering how they'll get over the past. I, myself will go back to my own. Sure, I will never forget what the December 26, 2004 tragedy have brought us. But will I still think of the survivors? Of the Children? I don't know what's my point here. Im sentimental and that's my excuse! Maybe, programming is not really my thing. Anyway, a friend of mine shared to me this wonderful piece. A bit long but worth it. Read on...
HUMBLED BY NATURE'S POWER by William Rees-Mogg of The Times
WE SHALL never know how many people have been killed by the great tsunami in the Indian Ocean. No doubt the number of identified casualties will continue to rise, but there will be many more who are missing and there will be grieving families who gradually have to give up hope
This is a human tragedy on a huge scale, caused by the action of Nature rather than Man. It is said to be the worst earthquake in 40 years. Yet in its scale, and in the mixture of damage from the earthquake itself, and that done by the sea, it is the most awe-inspiring earthquake that has happened in a lifetime. No previous earthquake I can remember, has destroyed property and killed people across a whole ocean
The earthquake itself is said to be 1,000km in length; the seabed was opened up as though by a zip fastener; this event threw up a gigantic wave three storeys high, which travelled for thousands of kilometres
One can understand what happened as a result of the stress between two continental plates, but one can hardly imagine it. The force generated must have been as great as that of a thousand nuclear bombs; no doubt that can be estimated and will be.
It is not only the level of casualties that impresses human consciousness. We are accustomed to millions being killed in major wars - even the Iran-Iraq war, of which the world took surprisingly little notice at the time, caused well over a million deaths.
Aids kills by the millions each year in Africa alone and has killed a total of tens of millions already.
When all the figures are added up, it looks as though the tsunami may have killed a few tens of thousands. The statistics in themselves are not what shock us. It is the scale and force of the event, and its geographic character. If such an earthquake happened in Europe, we would be able to trace the fault from London to Rome, or to Berlin.
If a tsunami 10m high stormed its way up the Thames, half of London would be under water.
If such an earthquake ripped through the San Andreas fault in California, it would virtually tear the state in two, and cause trillions of dollars worth of damage.
We view with awe a release of power on this scale. We know that this power is greater than that of our species - nature holds us in its hands.
We may be able to mitigate some of the consequences; in some cases we may be able to give advance warning of the threat; but we are not in control; the tsunami has demonstrated this ancient truth.
There are lessons.
First, no doubt, is that we should extend through the Indian Ocean, and other areas of risk, the scientific warning system that exists in the Pacific.
If an alert coastguard in Sumatra had observed the earthquake, he would not have known who to warn in India or Sri Lanka, although they could have had a couple of hours' warning.
In the wealthier Pacific area there is an organised warning system, which has reduced the casualties from tsunamis.
The world will no doubt give aid to the areas that have been hardest hit.
In Sri Lanka alone it is reported that a million coastal people have suffered serious material damage.
The world needs to be generous. By and large, the tragedy has fallen on poor countries and tourists, not directly on the inhabitants of the wealthiest cities of the world.
This could have happened to Tokyo, New York, Los Angeles or even London. That is one reason for the great cities to dig deep into their pockets. They have been spared.
The disaster should also impel all the nations of the world to give further thought to the needs of the environment.
As it happens, global warming seems to have had little or no connection with this event. But the tsunami did mimic some of the effects that global warming is now expected to have.
The great wave, in an hour, told the world where sea levels might be in a century, or perhaps in a couple of centuries.
If the sea rises, it will flood the coastal areas of low-lying countries. Mankind has built a fragile home for itself, with the growth of the world's population, the exploitation of natural resources, the spread of diseases from overcrowding and modern transport, the dependence on modern technologies - some of which are very vulnerable to upheaval - and the tall buildings which are open to terrorism.
That fragility is the real danger of the modern world. Even after 911, the great cities of the world have continued to build symbolic skyscrapers that are almost as vulnerable as the twin towers in New York.
The biblical story of the Tower of Babel had been the blueprint for modern cities.
The tsunami mocks this pride.
Perhaps our modern skyscrapers would withstand, as some tall hotels have withstood, the rush of the water. But our global system has an arrogance that challenges the forces of nature.
It is as though mankind had decided to tweak nature by the nose to show who is the boss. The tsunami has demonstrated that nature, and not mankind, is still the real master.
It is ironic that the poor of the earth have taken the brunt of the suffering.
If a million people have had their homes damaged or destroyed in Sri Lanka, there will be another million on the coast of India and more again in Thailand and Indonesia, perhaps in the Maldives as well.
They will get some aid, but nothing like enough to make good their probable losses. The proud have had a lesson, but at the expense of the humble people of the earth.
Nature can be a brutal moralist.
Everyday I tried my best to find time and watch the news. I know for some people who were still missing due to tsunami, hope will always be there. I feel their pain but compare to what they were facing, it's just a diminutive of what they have experience. Every night since that tsunami started, I shed tears. The number of dead bodies increasing, the number of people wailing putting up the littlest of hope that somehow amidst of the pile of the dead bodies they would see their family. Seeing the children lifeless, who will never had the chance to see what future lies ahead of them, breaks my heart. The whole world is watching. All aches for them. All longs to help. But up to what extent? Soon, the whole world will go back to its everyday life. But the people will always face the nightmare of what they've been through. They will live their second chance of life wondering how they'll get over the past. I, myself will go back to my own. Sure, I will never forget what the December 26, 2004 tragedy have brought us. But will I still think of the survivors? Of the Children? I don't know what's my point here. Im sentimental and that's my excuse! Maybe, programming is not really my thing. Anyway, a friend of mine shared to me this wonderful piece. A bit long but worth it. Read on...
HUMBLED BY NATURE'S POWER by William Rees-Mogg of The Times
WE SHALL never know how many people have been killed by the great tsunami in the Indian Ocean. No doubt the number of identified casualties will continue to rise, but there will be many more who are missing and there will be grieving families who gradually have to give up hope
This is a human tragedy on a huge scale, caused by the action of Nature rather than Man. It is said to be the worst earthquake in 40 years. Yet in its scale, and in the mixture of damage from the earthquake itself, and that done by the sea, it is the most awe-inspiring earthquake that has happened in a lifetime. No previous earthquake I can remember, has destroyed property and killed people across a whole ocean
The earthquake itself is said to be 1,000km in length; the seabed was opened up as though by a zip fastener; this event threw up a gigantic wave three storeys high, which travelled for thousands of kilometres
One can understand what happened as a result of the stress between two continental plates, but one can hardly imagine it. The force generated must have been as great as that of a thousand nuclear bombs; no doubt that can be estimated and will be.
It is not only the level of casualties that impresses human consciousness. We are accustomed to millions being killed in major wars - even the Iran-Iraq war, of which the world took surprisingly little notice at the time, caused well over a million deaths.
Aids kills by the millions each year in Africa alone and has killed a total of tens of millions already.
When all the figures are added up, it looks as though the tsunami may have killed a few tens of thousands. The statistics in themselves are not what shock us. It is the scale and force of the event, and its geographic character. If such an earthquake happened in Europe, we would be able to trace the fault from London to Rome, or to Berlin.
If a tsunami 10m high stormed its way up the Thames, half of London would be under water.
If such an earthquake ripped through the San Andreas fault in California, it would virtually tear the state in two, and cause trillions of dollars worth of damage.
We view with awe a release of power on this scale. We know that this power is greater than that of our species - nature holds us in its hands.
We may be able to mitigate some of the consequences; in some cases we may be able to give advance warning of the threat; but we are not in control; the tsunami has demonstrated this ancient truth.
There are lessons.
First, no doubt, is that we should extend through the Indian Ocean, and other areas of risk, the scientific warning system that exists in the Pacific.
If an alert coastguard in Sumatra had observed the earthquake, he would not have known who to warn in India or Sri Lanka, although they could have had a couple of hours' warning.
In the wealthier Pacific area there is an organised warning system, which has reduced the casualties from tsunamis.
The world will no doubt give aid to the areas that have been hardest hit.
In Sri Lanka alone it is reported that a million coastal people have suffered serious material damage.
The world needs to be generous. By and large, the tragedy has fallen on poor countries and tourists, not directly on the inhabitants of the wealthiest cities of the world.
This could have happened to Tokyo, New York, Los Angeles or even London. That is one reason for the great cities to dig deep into their pockets. They have been spared.
The disaster should also impel all the nations of the world to give further thought to the needs of the environment.
As it happens, global warming seems to have had little or no connection with this event. But the tsunami did mimic some of the effects that global warming is now expected to have.
The great wave, in an hour, told the world where sea levels might be in a century, or perhaps in a couple of centuries.
If the sea rises, it will flood the coastal areas of low-lying countries. Mankind has built a fragile home for itself, with the growth of the world's population, the exploitation of natural resources, the spread of diseases from overcrowding and modern transport, the dependence on modern technologies - some of which are very vulnerable to upheaval - and the tall buildings which are open to terrorism.
That fragility is the real danger of the modern world. Even after 911, the great cities of the world have continued to build symbolic skyscrapers that are almost as vulnerable as the twin towers in New York.
The biblical story of the Tower of Babel had been the blueprint for modern cities.
The tsunami mocks this pride.
Perhaps our modern skyscrapers would withstand, as some tall hotels have withstood, the rush of the water. But our global system has an arrogance that challenges the forces of nature.
It is as though mankind had decided to tweak nature by the nose to show who is the boss. The tsunami has demonstrated that nature, and not mankind, is still the real master.
It is ironic that the poor of the earth have taken the brunt of the suffering.
If a million people have had their homes damaged or destroyed in Sri Lanka, there will be another million on the coast of India and more again in Thailand and Indonesia, perhaps in the Maldives as well.
They will get some aid, but nothing like enough to make good their probable losses. The proud have had a lesson, but at the expense of the humble people of the earth.
Nature can be a brutal moralist.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Asia grieves - Phuket Tsunami
"imagine spending your christmas holiday under the sun beside the beach, relaxing and resting and taking your time off from working your ass off the entire year. you got, let's say 2 weeks, to relax and enjoy the hot sun. you look around, some were enjoying too like you with their families. those little kids doing their best to make a sand castle. the old couple walking hand in hand, pass you by while you just lie there and relax. with a smile on your face, u promise yourself you'll do it next year. and then suddenly, you heard people screaming. then u saw big wave as high as you can imagine. you saw woman crying. it happens so fast that you never even had the chance to react..."
my heart sank as i watched the news yesterday afternoon. thousands of people were killed. thousands were missing. thousands were injured. most of them were tourists. and here i am living my normal life. in front of my computer. unable to think and work. devastation fills my entire soul. the quake that shook some countries in asia. the killer wave that obliterates the beautiful beaches. the natural disaster that claimed thousands of lives and inflict injuries to a lot of people.
and then i thought what if i was there? i've been to phuket a year ago and the more i think of the what if's the more my heart bleeds with compassion and sympathy to those people who think of nothing but to enjoy, unwary that this vacation is their last.
the entire world was shocked. the end of the year is 5 days away and to those people welcoming the new year with such anguish and pain is so sad to think about. i wish there is something that i could do. i wishi could alleviate their pain from the loss that they've faced.
imagine this happens to the entire world. imagine that it's not just the end of the year that's coming. imagine it is indeed the end of the world. i can't think of it. i am not yet ready. emotionally and spiritually ... but i know that i still have the time and chance to be ready. i'll try and do my best. i will. Some things happen the way we least expect them to happen. May we always be ready - spiritually. May GOD bless us all especially those who passed away...
my heart sank as i watched the news yesterday afternoon. thousands of people were killed. thousands were missing. thousands were injured. most of them were tourists. and here i am living my normal life. in front of my computer. unable to think and work. devastation fills my entire soul. the quake that shook some countries in asia. the killer wave that obliterates the beautiful beaches. the natural disaster that claimed thousands of lives and inflict injuries to a lot of people.
and then i thought what if i was there? i've been to phuket a year ago and the more i think of the what if's the more my heart bleeds with compassion and sympathy to those people who think of nothing but to enjoy, unwary that this vacation is their last.
the entire world was shocked. the end of the year is 5 days away and to those people welcoming the new year with such anguish and pain is so sad to think about. i wish there is something that i could do. i wishi could alleviate their pain from the loss that they've faced.
imagine this happens to the entire world. imagine that it's not just the end of the year that's coming. imagine it is indeed the end of the world. i can't think of it. i am not yet ready. emotionally and spiritually ... but i know that i still have the time and chance to be ready. i'll try and do my best. i will. Some things happen the way we least expect them to happen. May we always be ready - spiritually. May GOD bless us all especially those who passed away...
Friday, December 03, 2004
On a stormy day like this...
Everyday I go to Inquirer's website to copy the latest syobis or political news, and the paper's editorial but I hardly ever read anything of it. Not if something catches my eye, then that's the only time I'll read. Well, I love to read books. I love to read anything but news. Not because I don't care what's happening around me, it's just that I feel worst reading them. All the killings, anything that show's people revenge, terrorism, corruption, all these breaks me. Anyway, I do this everyday because we got this internal online pahayagan just for the pinoys and oh yeah, Im the so-called editor-in-chief. Im thrilled of course. This is another story.
So with the little free time that I have from working and trying to survive with my everyday life overseas, I rarely read and watch the news. But Mr. A does. He's so into it. Everyday in the morning, with his usual breakfast, he watches Channelnews asia or CNN. And he's my only "connection" from the outside world. =) But last night, when he told me about the typhoon that hit the northern philippines, I tried to watch and read the news.
I was devastated. Flabbergasted. Sympathetic. And then I cried. (Oh, don't worry, I cried a lot. I always do on sad movies. Yeah, on cartoons too, one time!) My country is experiencing a great loss. A lot of homes were destroyed, more than 900 people were killed, some were still missing, all due to the flashfloods and landslides triggered by the storm Yoyong or Nanmadol. (Funny how we still managed to name a ravaging storm like this) I can't imagine how the people who managed to survived in the storm could endure this kind of tragedy in their life. And you know what's worst than this? Feeling so much sympathy and yet not being able to do anything to lessen the pain they were into. The best thing you could do is cry for them because you can't do anything much. I guess I'm just being soft. But who won't be? =(
Let's just hope and pray that these people will be ok. That, albeit it's a great loss for them, they would still remain strong. God bless them all. May peace be with the souls of the departed. My deepest sympathy.
So with the little free time that I have from working and trying to survive with my everyday life overseas, I rarely read and watch the news. But Mr. A does. He's so into it. Everyday in the morning, with his usual breakfast, he watches Channelnews asia or CNN. And he's my only "connection" from the outside world. =) But last night, when he told me about the typhoon that hit the northern philippines, I tried to watch and read the news.
I was devastated. Flabbergasted. Sympathetic. And then I cried. (Oh, don't worry, I cried a lot. I always do on sad movies. Yeah, on cartoons too, one time!) My country is experiencing a great loss. A lot of homes were destroyed, more than 900 people were killed, some were still missing, all due to the flashfloods and landslides triggered by the storm Yoyong or Nanmadol. (Funny how we still managed to name a ravaging storm like this) I can't imagine how the people who managed to survived in the storm could endure this kind of tragedy in their life. And you know what's worst than this? Feeling so much sympathy and yet not being able to do anything to lessen the pain they were into. The best thing you could do is cry for them because you can't do anything much. I guess I'm just being soft. But who won't be? =(
Let's just hope and pray that these people will be ok. That, albeit it's a great loss for them, they would still remain strong. God bless them all. May peace be with the souls of the departed. My deepest sympathy.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Spectre
there's a ghost inside me
that captivates my sanity
caused me unbearable pain
every night i cried in vain
the thought of you haunts me
that someday his eyes will see
your beauty, shining like a gem
with power stronger than stem
knowing you're around scares me
lurking through his beauty
like a dementor flying so free
taking away people's ecstacy
alongside's love is pain
pain caused by too much love . . .
that captivates my sanity
caused me unbearable pain
every night i cried in vain
the thought of you haunts me
that someday his eyes will see
your beauty, shining like a gem
with power stronger than stem
knowing you're around scares me
lurking through his beauty
like a dementor flying so free
taking away people's ecstacy
alongside's love is pain
pain caused by too much love . . .
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