Same Ground

My sister brought me CD's of Kitchie Nadal and Nina - Live! Im listening to Kitchie's at the moment. And I've been playing the "SAME GROUND" since this morning. Soothing to the ears. I like it. No. I LOVE it!!! Tell you more about the others when I decide to stop listening to Kitchie's Same Ground. =) Ciao!

[verse:]
My love,
Its been a long time since I cried
And left you out of the blue.
Its hard
Leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange I never would've
Wanted 'till there was you.

**'cause I have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
More it clears the more I have to let you go.

[chorus:]
But now I don't understand why I'm feeling
So bad now when I know it was my idea.
I could've just denied the truth and lied.
But why am I the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?

[repeat verse except **]

'cause I have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I would never ever have to if

[repeat chorus]

When else fail,
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave
To see right through me?

Melancholy

the melancholy slowly rips her heart to bits. she tried to converse as she passes by like a gentle breeze. with each new day she tried to keep up, but the world is busy to listen to her grieve. she tried to stop someone but she ended up listening. she loves to listen but her heart is full. and so she travelled along with the wind. to where she will go, she didnt know.

Torn

How would u help someone close to you who was suffering emotionally? How would you let them know it'll be ok in the end? Of course they very damn well know that everything happens for a reason. Pain is different when you're the one feeling it. You can say you're strong to anything that comes along your way but it's really far from what you've been into and what you've imagine it to be. You can only imagine what it's like to feel the pain but you can never really feel the pain.

I've been there, of course. Many times. But none of it makes me ready for anything that had happened to me. Each anguish is different from the other. Each has a different level. Each makes me cry, makes me feel like it's the end of the world for me, makes me feel like im nobody. Each breaks my heart and after all these years, still brings sadness everytime I remember it even if I've found a way to overcome it. You see, none of the quotes or advices or words of wisdom could make you feel better in a snap of a finger. It's a long process of healing but it'll heal in time. The important thing is how we managed to get up. Let's not let it be the reason for us to give up something so wonderful that GOD had given us - to love. Yes, most of the times we crave for something we can't have or we fall for someone who's not meant for us or the good things in life that we have suddenly be the reason of our pain. We love not because we have to. We feel it. And for once, I never regret knowing and loving a few, than never had the chance to love.

I can't tell you how I felt the pain you're feeling. I can't tell you how it's going to be ok or everything happens for a reason. I can't tell you any better words than that. But I'll be here. To listen. To cry with you. To let you know that there are people who cares about you. It's a lot of shoulders for you to cry on. All you need to do is choose. =)

Take your time to grieve, kiddo.

Tagalog

*expressing gibberish sentiments is more vivid writing it in Tagalog, which by the way is my native dialect, than writing it in english. =)*

Trabaho. Daldalan sa jologz rum. Alt-tab. Dalawang bagay na mahirap pilit pinagsasabay habang tenga'y sinaksakan ng irpown ng mga kantang hindi mo malaman kung saan nanggaling. Ilang segundo mo pa lang papatugtugin, kahit nanalo ka pa ng swipstek, hihigupin nitong parang yakult ang kaligayahan mo kung meron man. Naranasan mo na ba yon? Yung minsan kahit wala kang problema bigla ka malulungkot dahil lang sa isang kantang napakinggan mo sa player mo o sa dyip o sa kung saan pa man? Lintek na kantang to, ala naman akong problema sa buhay (meron pala pero d ganon kalaki para humagulgol ako noh) pero parang ang bigat bigat sa kalooban. Sa isang araw na nakadiket pwetan ko s kinauupuan ko, ilang oras din yun, mga sandaang beses ko ata patugtugin mga kantang makabagbag damdamin. Teka ha iisa isahin ko. Think of Laura ni Kenny Loggins, Wag na Wag mong sasabihin ni Kitchie Nadal, Afraid for Love ni Lea Salonga, What Matters Most ni Kenny Rankin, saka Until I find you again ni Richard Marx. Sa loob ng 3 araw yan lang laman ng player ko. Wala ni isa mang nakakarelate sa buhay ko sa mga kantang yan sa ngayon, noon cguro pede pa. Ewan ko ba trip lang siguro? Siyeetttttt, kakaaning to pahreh. Mahilig naman ako sa alternatib myusik pero sadyang may mga panahon ata na sentimental ka lang. Sows. Think of Laura? Halllerrrr?!?!? Pampatay kaya yun! Kung ako buntis baka ginamit na ng anak kong lubed yung ambilical cord nya. Yun lang. *Bow*. Haayyy, cge makikinig pa ko. Ciao...

Budget Airlines

I can't hide the anticipation of spending longer than the usual 1 week with my family. Thanks to budget airlines like Tiger Airways , though I haven't heard any feedback of how convenient and comfortable it is, but still spending almost half of the usual fare is a big savings. 9 days to go!!! Yeyyyyy...

Jologz Rum

All the stuff that I do five times a week are boring, routine way of my survival in Singapore. Though, I must say that I have lived my life in a way that I aspire it to be, still, doing those things for the past five years of my life, doing the same work everyday bores me sometimes. And I must say that the "rum" have been a big help to spice up a bit our boring days at work. Here, we can be serious or be nasty or just talk about happy times. It had helped me to know my colleagues fully and considered them now as my very good friends. Some were married, some were single. Talking about life, about anything under the sun. I have learned a lot. Topics like laf, kras, being married, having a bebi, things that matter to us when we were still kidz, tsisi moments, anything! Words like "ayan", "etong tanong", "tenchu", "npbia", "wakana", "orayt", "gga", "haylafyu", "kaofens" and a lot more. It's like we've created our own lingo of some sort that only the "privileged members" can understand. Well, I can't imagine my life without these people who have somehow touched my life and had made a difference to some of my outlook in life. They have helped me boost my confidence, turn my "bad hair days" into a smooth one, they had helped me value even more the good things in front of me, they talked to me when stress is pinning me down, though sometimes, i admit that there are jokes that offends me, but most of it brought a smile to my face. =) Friendz are one of the valuable things in life that we can't afford to miss or lose. And Im glad I have them. Haylafyu@all.

The Emancipation of Mimi

Emancipation - liberation; setting free; release;

Finally!!! I have now a copy of Mariah Carey's new album. I bought it at HMV. Guilt-free. Spending 22 bucks is nothing compared to the bliss that I felt just listening to her music. But I thought she looks like Christina Aguillera on the cover. No doubt she had release the sexiness in her. She's a goddess! Oh well, I love Mariah. Not everyone loves her, though. I remember the first time I fell in love with her. I was watching MTV and then they show this video of her singing "HERO", wearing black pants with her usual big hair but verrrrryyyyy sexy. That's the first time I heard that song, first time I saw her on TV, first time I knew there's a good singer named Mariah Carey. Sigh. I just adore her. Anyway, here are some of the songs that I like: It's Like That, We belong together, Get your number (i thought she's singing it with Nelly coz it soundz like one of Nelly's songs), To the floor (now with Nelly), Circles (very mariah), I wish you knew. So, go and get your own copies now. Ciao!

She's suppose to have a concert in Singapore back in May 2004 and I'm all set to seeing her and hearing her voice in person but to my dismay, it was cancelled dues to SARS. I was devastated. I hope anytime this year she'll have a concert here in Singapore because whatever it takes I'll buy a front seat ticket!

Five Things

Five things you may not know about what i do in a typical day
1. on weekdays, i always set up my alarm clock to 6:45 (so that i could have extra 15 mins) but ends up waking at 7:30! (and im always late for work)

2. on my way to work (that is if i woke up early which is very very seldom), i always carry along with me a book to read.

3. my coffee routine: at home before i leave for work, at the office before i start working, in the afternoon to keep me awake, and in the evening after dinner.

4. in the office i start my day listening gospel songs on my mp3 player. (one of my favorites are deeper in love, above all, potter's hand, as the deer, kids in worship and now i dance) and when my "tank" is full, i switched to creed, green day, linkin park.

5. on a sunday, i snooze till 1 or 2 in the afternoon and 3 if i went out clubbing the night before, then do household chores with bebikoh, take a relaxing bath (doing some of my vain things), attend mass at 6pm, dinner, loaf around till sleeping time.

ABNKKBSNPLAKo?!

ABNKKBSNPLAKo?!  Aba nakakabasa na pala ako

I stopped reading "Trading Up" for a moment and opt to finish the book that cich lend me. Some lines were cliched but mostly taught about what kind of life we have during our school days. While reading, sometimes I cant help but smile remembering my good 'ol days in school. From the nutri-bun (a kind of bread), to name calling of teachers, to kinds of students, to having new set of things whenever school opens, to assignments, to projects, and to the very details that "make" us a student. Bob Ong, the author, is a genius for creating such book as this. I've finished reading his other book "Ang alamat ng gubat" and pleading cich to lend me the "Libro ni hudas". Ah, the perks of reading. Always satisfies me and serene my oh-so-stressful-life. As i always say, so many books so little time. Ciao!

Norah Jones Concert

bebikoh and i watched the norah jones' concert on sunday night with couples annie and patrick *who'll be getting married on wednesday, whohooooo!*. i feel like in a trance or something from hearing her voice. it was so far from listening to her cd's. she can make her audience laugh in a very charming way but you can still see her coyness.

every song touches my heart, especially the "One Flight Down" and "Don't know why". norah jones has brought class and taste back into music industry. im not a fan of jazz music, actually. im more of a Linkin Park-Green Day person. But when she sings, I felt some sense of relief. Anyway, like all good things in life, it came to an end. It only lasted for less than 2 hours but it was the best concert ive ever been to. it was such a good night.

Between Love and Responsibility

I find it very amusing to read a cheesy article like Joe D' Mango's. But each word from his advises melts my heart and taught me, somehow, in a way, few things in life especially in love. *Hey don't argue with me... I'm sentimental, I know!* I promise in as much as I can to update my blog every week with one of his article. (Source: http://www.inq7.net) Read on.

DEAR Joe,
It's been seven years since I met Marco, the man of my dreams. I was a high school senior and he was in college. He respected me, loved me, and took care of me. I thought things would be perfect for us, until one day Marco told me to forget him. I was shocked. Had I become a bad girlfriend? Then he confessed that his ex-girlfriend Marla was two months pregnant.

Joe, I never expected how much it would hurt. He married Marla and became a responsible father. Meanwhile, I graduated, moved on and went to the US.
Now it's been five years, and I'm back in my hometown. I looked for a job and met people. I actually met Marco once on the busy streets of Makati. We were both speechless. We had coffee, and I was excited to be with him again. Then I saw the wedding ring on his finger. It reminded me that he was already married. All he said was sorry. I looked straight into his eyes, and I wanted to scream and tell him how much he had hurt me. But his eyes melted my heart as and I felt instead like I wanted to kiss and hug him.

I asked him how he was. He told me he was fine, that he had one kid and didn't plan to have another. I was surprised when he told me the name of his daughter—it was my name. I was really touched and ended up crying. All these years, Joe, I thought I had moved on, but I was wrong.

He told me he loved me still. I never dreamed I would consider being a mistress. I could take him away from his wife but I couldn't take him away from his daughter. Now I'm so confused. I know which is the right thing to do, but I'm having a hard time ignoring him. I love him, Joe. I really do.

Sincerely yours,
Kathy


Dear Kathy,
There comes a time when the only way to love a person is not to love him at all. Marco sacrificed his own happiness for a responsibility he owed his ex-girlfriend and her child. His commitment to his responsibility outweighed his commitment to your relationship. But, as many would say, true love will always have a way of working its way back, no matter how long it has gone or how far it has been.
Marco said he still loves you. It is easy to blame him for leaving you. But he had his reasons and his reasons were noble. He had to sacrifice his own happiness for a child who is going to bear his name. That meant making a decision, and when he walked down the aisle with the mother of his child it also meant that he would not look back anymore.

When your paths crossed again, he saw what he missed. But marriage doesn't have any room for a second love. You have a place in his heart but not in his life now. That is the sad fact. And no matter how much love there is left in your heart, you will still have to be bound by reason and principle. As you said, you could never take him away from his daughter.

Kathy, not all fairy tales have happy endings. You have moved on and this brief interlude with a lost love should not keep you from going. Marco has his own life and family now. You could have a home in his heart forever but you should keep yourself from breaking into his real home. He belongs to someone else now, and you should, too.

Remember that no matter how long we have waited and failed, there will always be someone out there who will love us the way we want to be loved. There is always someone out there whom we can walk with and share our joys with. There is someone meant for us. All we have to do is believe that there is and give ourselves the chance to find it.

My Sunday Moment

Yesterday, we went to Boys Brigade to attend a "Worship Service". I don't have any notion of what was it all about. I just remembered once, my friend telling me something about it like the Israel and passover and some few things i can't remember. And so when he invited one of our friends, I decided to "tag along" and give it a try. I can honestly say that I enjoy every minute of it. *Well except for the part that I couldn't say* The place and the people gave us a very warm welcome that I could not resist but felt the peace and happiness of the people around us. I love listening to other people's laments and happiness because I always end up learning something. When the "sharing" part comes, I have trouble finding myself talking in front of many people. I have so many things inside my head that I wanted to share at that time but I can't talk just like that. I hate talking in front of many people. Plus the fact that I'm very emotional. I might cry and create a scene and make a fool out of myself. Maybe when the right time comes along. Who knows, I might continue attending the Shekinah (A hebrew word for manifest presence of GOD) or whatever they call it. (I know I still need help on this). Have to know what the church is all about! Oh by the way, I will still go to a catholic church every Sunday... Tenchu koks!

Friendster

Everytime I go through my friendster account, I can't help but feel sad. seeing the familiar faces of the people I love tells stories to be remembered, memories that some are of pure bliss and some have brought us pain. It allows me to feel vulnerable, like it's hitting my weakest spot until it's tender enough to break. Everytime I see all those faces, I'm reminded that there are only few who've actually asked how I've been and my incessant hankering for one, just ONE anything-under-the-sun conversation lingers like a stomach pain that won't go away. Friendster was made to reach out to those people who you've never had any contact with. For me, it's a constant reminder of how i've acquired a lot of so-called "friends" but only few really considered me as one. Those who really know the proper time I needed one...

Nhel

I was ecstatic after that "little talk" i had with my friend that saturday afternoon. He was, one of those people I've hurt so much but didn't have the chance to apologize. We've been together for less than a month and all I have were the letters and sweet notes that he have given me as a reminder of how he have been true to me. And for over ten years, inspite of what I did, we remain to be friends, good friends as I may say. And for this, I never failed to thank GOD for giving me so much blessings in my life.

Nel, always remember that you will always be special in my heart. GOD made us see the way to true happiness but sometimes in life for us to be able to see the beauty of what was in front of us we have to walk a few steps back to help us appreciate it even more. GOD had showed us the way to two different special people but still managed to leave us each other. I always thank GOD, for giving you the happiness that you truly deserve in Mel's loving presence, for giving you to me as a treasure that I'll forever keep, for giving me someone I never thought of deserving to have. And I'm forever thankful for we have both found the piece of our missing puzzle. Labsyu! Forever, Mel, my family, Rommel and I will always be here for you. God Bless!

Soulmate

I've asked few friends of mine what they thought of "SOULMATE". What does it mean and what comes first into their mind when this word pops suddenly into a conversation like this? And if anyone of them believe in it? Of course, different reaction from different people. Different views. Different beliefs. Some reacted, well, not violently, but almost *pis@ano*. Some may believe that this word is true. Some think of it as a waste of time. But if you look at the true meaning of the word "soulmate" it will surely stir the minds of many.


Nene-> do u blv in soulmate?
koks-> kelangan mag agree mona tayo dun sa definition bago tayo mag agree at disagree
benga-> malalim yan
maxx-> solmeyt = old frens yun souls nyo
cichlyd-> literally yun yun -> soul mates
benga-> pde rin kc soulmnate mo nanay mo tatay mo
Nene-> niniwala ka?@mmb
benga-> uu la nmn mawawala e *orayt*
cichlyd-> ko den
maxx-> bat date alan naman sinasabing solmeyts? kelan ba nauso?
benga-> kc ngayon pag solmeyt laging magjowa
koks-> ano ibeg sabihen?
benga-> d nmn ganun yun
benga-> ayon sa guni-guni un daw e iisang kaluluwa na napaghati kaya pag muling nagtagpo
Nene-> bakit nga ba may soulmate pa?
maxx-> e di tayo naniniwala sa reincarnation ah
benga-> kc sa catholic ndi pinaniniwalaan un
cichlyd-> wag nyo na kasi masyadong palalimin yung meaning
koks-> teka, i -establish muna naten ang meaning bago pagtalunan kung agree o hinde
koks-> korek, ke mababaw o malalim na meaning importante maliwanag sa lahat ang pinauusapan
koks-> pag nagkaganun, wala kang ma establish na universal truth everyting is relative
koks-> yun nga eh, aanhin mo ang opinyon kung iba iba ang basis
koks-> di ko alam kung ano yang soulmate , kaya nga kanina ko pa nitataong kung sino makakapag define
cichlyd-> ok ang depinisyon ko ng soulmate ay ganito
cichlyd-> yung tipong prenjie ko tas hindi na namin kelangan magpaliwanagan o magsabi minsan sa isat isa alam na namin ang gusto naming dalawa tas yung mga pagkakataon na yun napapadalas minsan
cichlyd-> basta mararamdaman mo e
Nene-> niniwala k s soulmate ende dahel sa religion del don s nararamdaman mo?
cichlyd-> uu@nene
cichlyd-> set aside ang religion
tsiskeyk-> soulmates - being with a person that u dont know, but feels like u know him/her all your life. overwhelming and wonderful feelings that u cant explain when ur with the person, u cant even call

I don't believe in this, actually. No reason at all. I just dont happen to believe that there is, err, such thing as soulmate.
Maybe some of you have an opinion on this?

Religion

With a group of friends, there were times that you can't help but talk about religion especially at this time that our dear beloved Pope just passed away. I don't intend to pass this kind of topic because i have so much in my mind. Im not saying that I am good at this or Im too confident enough to say that I know so much better than others. As a matter of fact, I still crave for these kind of knowledge. But sometimes, I just don't see why some people choose to insist what they believe in to others who are not on the same "road" as they are. I know I still have a lot of things to learn, and maybe just by listening I could learn more. But I couldn't help but think, yeah sometimes I need to listen but mostly, all I need is my faith to GOD that what we have between us is enough for me to know that I don't need to learn more from others. By experiences, HE had been my sole teacher from the things that if humans like me would taught me, it would confuse me even more. I may not have enough in my hands at the moment, but GOD will fill everything I need to know. Im not as strong as others. I am weak. But GOD will make me. He had made me for the past years of my life. So, in as much as I can, I tried not to judge other people from what they believe in or what they do. But hey, this only applies for me. *wink*

The OC's last episode of Season 1

Last night we were watching THE OC in dvd, season 1. And all I did was grab a tissue and wipe the gushing tears down my face. It's like I can't just stop crying. It's the last episode where Ryan bids goodbye to his "adopted family" because he have to go back to chino with Theresa who happens to be pregnant. It was the saddest episode ever! I vividly recall all my friends who've left not because they want to but because they have to and "choice" is not a powerful word for them at that moment. But whenever someone is leaving, I always end up thinking over and over again "why is it more painful to be the person being left behind than the one leaving?". I feel more compassion to those people. Because they're the one's who don't have the power to make someone stay. They dont have the choice but to shed tears and relive the remnants of the memories with that very same person. Living their everyday life with the could-have-been's and feeling so empty without the other. It's so hard to be at that end of the rope but things always turns out fine, gradually. As long as you know that what you once have will remain in your heart...

Lindol

Quarter to 11 last night while am at home with my friends, I thought I just felt dizzy. And then my friend said "lumilindol wag kayong gagalaw". I was really scared. It lasted for I don't know how long but to me it feels like eternity. I was frantically crying inside my room with my cousin. I don't know why I cried but I really really felt so sad at that moment experiencing one thing i feared the most and my bebikoh was not there. After all Ive been through, I thought I can live my life alone without anyone else. But I was so wrong. I have build my life around the few people that matters to me - My family and my bebikoh. Without them I am nothing. They are the reason of my existence, of my strength, of my every smile. I haven't watched any news yet. And as selfishly as I have been and Im asking GOD's forgiveness about it, because of fear I forgot to think of other people. I only reached out to those few people that really matters to me. And when I heard from my friend who have read the news, 300 people died in Nias, Indonesia, it strucks me that I never thought of other people. I didn't even utter a prayer for them last night. This really makes me sad. =(

Blogging

I guess this was meant to help people like me to overcome sadness and feeling alone and not having someone to talk to. I always mumble about how things were going on with me at the moment but it always passes by the wall like a wind. Nobody levels to the depth of my being. No one knows me better. To them, I am just an acquaintance, of no importance at all. Of what my personality consists only of those that hurts them. They do not see what is beyond those words. Maybe to them I am really not a friend. Because they don't know me. Or maybe I always say the wrong choice of words. I never had any hatred in my heart. Things happen and I let them be. But I can't help but be hurt when they do nothing but accused me when i am way too far being the person they thought I am.

Sentimental Fool

Today I'm feeling emotional. Maybe sign of old age hehehe. I don't know. I'm feeling sad and feeling vulnerable. No one to talk to. My bebikoh's busy with his work besides I know no one will understand me. Im just sad... Too sad. Happy in a way that my friend Annie have accomplished so many great things this year including two essential things a woman wants. Sad because anytime now she'll be leaving for LA. There's email, yeah, but it's different. Although I know that even she just stays 3 floors below from us and we don't see each other that much, the feeling of she's just there is always enough to bring me bliss. First, my dear dear friend Joey and then Eian, now it's Annie. The good times that we had will always be here in my heart, guys. Maybe that's the reason why pictures are invented. To keep the happy memories alive. To let us always see the good times of our friendship. Not the misunderstandings, or the times that we never had any communications, or the little things that we argue about. And that's what Im keeping here in my heart. Because friends, for me are important. I may not have that skill of keeping them or letting them know that they matter to me, GOD knows how they have changed me, how they have brought me tears and much happiness.

I know nothing in this world is permanent. Nothing will stay even if you asked or want them to. Im just glad and thankful to GOD that I've come along the path where they were. Im glad that Ive known few people I called friends and few I called best friends.