Huh!

It's 4 am and im still wide awake.
I can't sleep.
Something's bothering me.
I just read something that's not meant to be read.
This solitude i feel, i can't explain.
I hope im wrong. I hope it's just my fear that's clouding my sanity.

Koks

it's not everyday
that i meet people like u
someone i can keep
someone i can call friend

a friend who makes me laugh
when nothing but frown paints my face

a friend who tells me bluntly
when my mood swings & being childish

a friend whom i'll run to
when i need someone to talk to

a friend who listens to me whine
a friend who values my opinion
a friend who considers me as one

for all the good times we shared
for all the sharings weve had
for all the inspirational thoughts you impart
although not enough, thank you is all i can utter

one piece of advice:
don't just sit there and wait for things to happen. it never work that way. act on it.=) goodluck!

Birthday 2005

I woke up late but with a big smile on my face looking forward to the day ahead of me. I know it will be nothing compared to my ordinary days. A lot of friends greeted me through sms and pap. Thanks so much! You don't know how much it means to me. A birthday cake and a lovely present and a card from my hadaba frens elates my spirit. I appreciate it very much though it seem that i am not, i just kinda have that "shy" feeling bec im not used to that kind of attention so pardon me. After that little "party", i went to suntec to meet bebikoh. We had dinner at Equinox with a fantastic and very romantic view. It was a lovely and sumptous dinner. Thanks bebikoh. I keep on falling for you every single day. As soon as we got home, I open my email and friendster account. Thanks to all the people who greeted me. Thanks for making this day meaningful and memorable. Above all, thank you Lord for you have given me another year to be with the people i love, to take care of the things i still need to do, and correct the mistakes ive done in the past. Ive aged but i became wiser than ever and none of the things ive done makes me regret any of it because it had taught me things that have made me a better person now.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

ive finished the harry potter book 6, finally. and in as much enthusiasm as i want to retell at least the summary or the highlights of the story i couldn't do so for i am not sure if everyone have managed to finished the book. if not, better do it now. it's one of the good books that can't be missed. few things though that i just can't pass - melancholy fills my heart at the end of the story and up to the last word of the last chapter i was hoping something would eradicate the sadness. but overall, the story is remarkably good. rowling's implausible brilliance soar once again. and i am now eager to get my grip on the final book.

Seven Things

Seven random facts about myself:
- hates stupidity and "user-friendly" people
- hates horror movies
- sentimental fool
- loves books, watching movies, clubbing, chino
- frustrated writer *thanks to blog*
- crazy about babies and kids *that are not brat hihihi*
- bore a tattoo that explicates my life

Seven things that scares me
- blood
- heights
- horror movies / dark places
- losing someone
- bugs/spiders/snakes
- interviews
- the thought of me not having a baby someday

Seven things I like most:
- spending time with my family and bebikoh
- books
- pralines
- big hug / kiss on the forehead
- blogging
- travelling
- coffee, chino

Seven important things in my bedroom:
- little altar
- mini library
- gadgets
- documents
- my bags
- my clothes *hihihi*
- candles

Seven things that I plan to do before I die:
- tour europe
- see mariah in person
- write my own book
- a business of my own
- get over the things that scares me
- climb a mountain
- have intimate relationship with God

Seven things I can do:
- cook *yeyyy*
- write stuff
- draw cartoons
- sleep all day *nyahaha*
- design web pages
- cry at movies
- read book all day

Seven things I can't do:
- sing
- keeping plants or a pet alive
- write staid poems / articles
- deal with stress / dilemma / pain
- confidence
- wake up early
- save money!

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
- scent
- eyes
- sense of humour
- knowledgeable
- hot bod
- the way they dress up
-

Seven things you say the most:
-

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign):
- Bruce Willis
- Vin Diesel
- Cameron Diaz
- Julia Roberts
- Richard Gere
- Allan Wu
- Rommel Abdon *har har*

Labnowts

"Sometimes the only permanence we find is in what other people lose. Feeling sorry for someone can make us irrational when it comes to love."

"It is inevitable that people sometimes have to get hurt to make others happy."

"There is a time and a season for everything. Be thankful that you have been blessed with the gift of true love. And always remember that sometimes the opportunity to be with a person we love comes only once in a lifetime. Don’t miss this chance. It might not come again."

Come Away With Me

I got the chance to attend a posh party that rarely happens in my unfabulous life.

5.00 pm - We're already preparing, thinking of what to wear, and with the few dresses I have, I thought of wearing the black one that i've never used since I bought it. But I don't feel like wearing a dress eventhough I know that the place that we'll be going to is like the JS Prom of the adults. So I settled on wearing my black pants, pink satin-spaghetti strap blouse and a ruffled knitted top or whatever that is, of course with the consent of my fashion guru cum gorgeous escort. We arrived at the Asian Civilization Museum a little early. A guy from the registration corner took a shot of us with a polaroid *which is a wonderful idea* and glued it in a guestbook. We had cocktails and hors devours while a jazz band was playing on the corner. It was a non-alcoholic party so I never doubt having two or more glasses of the cocktail they're serving. It was uneasy at first bec reason #1 - I don't know any damn soul there and I'm not the kind of person to start a conversation with just anybody so I tag along with my bebi *thanks really, for not leaving me alone. i hope i didn't annoyed you*, #2 - i look around and there it is, every woman i saw is wearing a dress not that i felt belittled i just felt uncomfortable at first, but that's ok bec as long as im comfortable with what im wearing and hello im still presentable *hahaha honestly i didn't regret for a second for not wearing that black dress*. Anyway, moving on. Exactly 8 pm, we're already inside the ballroom where at least 15 or more tables were there. The menu was personalized and they have managed to arranged the seat along with my bebi's friends. *Thankfully*

The program starts with the newly wed's grand entrance. A little out of the way by giving you a bit of something about the couple *though, i myself don't really know them that well*. Matthias, the groom, is from Switzerland working in UBS. Hodda, the bride, is from a Malay-Arab descent that had spent her entire childhood here in Singapore. They've met in a party and from there the love blossomed. *they've been to my birthday party last year and I was really glad that they end up together* Going back to my story, the emcee who's a good friend of the bride, shows a slideshow of the couple's pictures when they were young. After the presentation, we were served with a shrimp salad followed by the pumpkin soup and a chicken for the main course *which is not advisable for people who are starving hehe* and a buffet of dessert and a coffee. All served by the Blue Ginger Restaurant. In the background, serenading us was the Jazz Band who had a woman singing with a remarkable voice that later on we found out were performing at Harry's Bar in Boat Quay. *another idea for a wedding hehe* They were really really great and you'll be sorry not to hear them play.

Theirs wasn't just a union of love but of two cultures, of two different worlds, of two different skin color joining together as one. And I was lucky to be one of the guests to witness this kind of love. In the program, there was the slideshow presentation of the bride and grooms, a belly dancing presentation, a salsa number, one of the big boss playing the alphorn, the couple's traditional malay wedding the day before this, and the groom did a wonderful job in putting the right words full of love and compassion with the bride. The bride, well, at least, she took the opportunity to thank everybody else. The night, they end with a "Come away with me" song with the couple dancing which later on joined by almost every couple in the room *except our group hehe*.

All in all, I had a wonderful posh evening. It wasn't the best time of my life, maybe, but it sure is one of the unforgettable ones. *Sigh*

My Weekend Antics

Friday Night wasn't that bad 'coz I spent the night at Mame Ces' place since it was their ROM anniversary. After dinner we played Bingo and I really suck! I won at the last set well at least along with four others I think. It was a fun game. Got home before midnight.

Saturday morning was the usual. Waking up late, taking late lunch and blogging of course. Bebikoh and I went out around 6pm strolling around orchard. Merienda at McDonalds and my favorite kayatos. We're suppose to be watching a movie but it seems everybody else's schedule for the day is set for that so we opt to "people watching" at Spinelli while sipping chino *which is very good*. Bebikoh and I had a talk - a serious kind of talk - talk. Saw these three ladies having a good time at the other table and I can't help but missed the good times I had with my very good friends - Annie and Eian. We used to hang out together attending different parties and going to bars. How I miss those times that I had to tell "my date" about it. Being wonderful that he is, always wanting to make me happy, we went to Que Pasa which is somewhere in Orchard *beside ICB*. We had each glass of wine and beef stew. By the way, BEEF STEW is great and you really have to try it! And that's how my saturday ends.

Sunday, we had our lunch in Paya Lebar since the Kare Kare plan was postponed again. Then we bought the drinks and paper plates that we need this coming friday for my *yeyyy* birthday party. Sunday night was fabulous. We were invited to a wedding dinner at the Asian Civilization Museum near Fullerton by my bebikoh's colleague. A party that never happens every year. Very posh and elite. (Detailed story here) We got home past midnight. Thank you bebi for the wonderful and fabulous weekend.

im turning 29!

im turning 29 on the 25th of this month and i dont know about you but i always feel ecstatic whenever my birthday is coming.

when i was a kid i would always look forward to it bec i knew then that inspite of my dad's meagre earnings, my mom would buy me anything new, may it be shoes, or clothes or toys and cooked pansit on my birthday. i guess that's her guilt-free way of making us happy on our special day than spending more on a party. and when i figured that out, i teased her about it and she would just laugh.

but now it's different. it still is the same natural high and same agitation, but the "new things" along with the "pansit" have revolutionized into something more meaningful in life - more mature. not that im dropping off the simplicity of it all, i just moved into a higher level, more appropriate in my age.

the uncertainty had morphed into what would this year bring me. the higher my age increases, the more memoirs ive gained. all different from the others. the agitation of what i'll face on my 29th year, i will never know.

Friends

ive walked a thousand miles apart from where ive been meeting strangers that never occurred to me will be my friends and considered me as one. my life intertwined with others for a moment for reasons that sometimes i dont understand and only God knows what was beyond those reasons. and with each phase that its time to say adieu, i felt the twinge and tears have always been my solitary way of releasing at least half of that pain. why does it hurt to have friends? why do i even bother letting them in to my life? and then i remember the countless reasons why.

they make me laugh in their own silly way when my day seems so clouded;

they always have their way of telling me when im being a bitch and when im doing something good;

they make me exist by confiding in me their dilemmas and asking for my advice or what i think of is right or just be that someone who'll just listen;

they helped me to expand the little acumen i have which i thought is enough for me to go on with my journey;

they assist me in embracing the treasures i have;

and there are more... and then those tears and pain suddenly becomes insignificant with all the little bliss that theyve given me and partake in my life. i'll never get tired of this for i know that at least i have something to look back to and reminisce when i grow old. if i didn't, my life would be an empty book without chapters or stories to tell. pristine condition but lifeless. i would rather be the tattered book with a thousand stories to tell.

one kind word

when at times you're too stressed at work and all you want at the end of the day is go home and rest but somehow you thought of dropping by at your favorite hangout even for a minute and with just one kind word from a friend everything vanished just like that. And then you smile not just bec of the compliment but bec there are friends who in their own silly way can still make you laugh inspite of the tough day you've had.

speck of life

sleeping and waking up late has been on my system that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how many times i'll repeatedly tell myself in the morning that ill be sleeping at 11pm and wake up at 7am.

i took a cab, which took me @#%! 15 minutes to get one, and silently swearing why im doing the same thing everyday. and as we strode along PIE, we passed by a construction site.

i felt shallow and selfish for complaining everyday. these workers comes to work before the sun rises, toil heavily under the sun, respiring a polluted air, lifting heavy objects and taking home only a fraction of what i earn from sitting on a cosy chair in an air-conditioned office and practically complaining the whole day of how boring my life is.

sometimes we need to open our eyes and let few specks get in so when you blink for a moment you can visibly see the beauty of what's in front of you.

Bloopers

it was quarter to six and since ive been busy the whole day i didnt have time to think of what we'll be having for dinner so i list down the things i need to buy. i put my pda inside my bag and then my phone and then my kikay kit and then my...

me: "wtf, my wallet!"

i went to my friend cich and asked her if she saw my wallet, and she said no. i send my lunch mates a message asking them about my wallet and some of them, which is not unusual, make a joke about it. so i sigh and felt relieved assuming they have it, but after a few messages and jokes, i realized that none of them really got my wallet. =( teary-eyed, *ok i was crying!* i called bebikoh and told him about it. i was so down. *baffled as i may be, i still remember to get the red ribbon cake that cich brought for me all the way from the philippines hehehe - tenchu cich mwah* all my money was there, my credit card, my atm card and my ic! cich was so kind enough to go with me to the mcdonalds. and i lighten up when i saw that the manager recognized us - meaning they got my wallet. and they did!!!! and im happy now... very much... and very much indebted to the crew and manager of toa payoh mcdonalds. there still are people who have a kind heart. tenchu tenchu!

Supah Momma's

Mommy Gladys just gave me this souvenir with a "Thank You for coming" from her daughter - Jewel's 1st birthday. I was feeling sorry, really, bec I didn't go to that party. No excuses. Period. And when I look at the souvenir, a july-august calendar with her baby's picture on it on a small cd case, I thought how lucky their kidz are. *so I thought of writing it so I'll have memories of how I should be when I become a mom* I can't imagine how hard it is to be a very busy mom. Attending to your kidz needs, to your hubby's needz, having unendless thread of patience, working in the office and doing few chores at home, if you're lucky to have a help. And on their kidz' birthday, they spend their only free time to rest to do such things as souvenirs and decorations for the party and food and a lot more just to give their babies a wonderful and unforgettable birthday! Wow! Being a great mom and a loving wife is something that I don't think I can handle.

To the bibo and wonderful mami's (Mami Gladys, Mami S, Mami Maidy, Muder Lenny and Kumareng Mommy Ghie) -- *even if it's not mother's day*, saludo po ako sa inyo! =)

Torn between two love

At times, we thought we know the things that could complete our bliss but when something came along we get distracted by it and forgot who we are and where we stand and what could really make us happy. This story from lovenotes could help some of us cling on to the things that matters most to us and take a second look to the things we once aspire to have. - lairofeilrig

"Marriage is a bond that is meant to last a lifetime. Its permanency is the very reason why we have to be positively sure of our intention to marry someone."

"Before we finally solemnize our vows for marriage, our relationship with our would be life-long partner must always stand the final test. Somehow, God has his way of making us aware of our real feelings which we could use to validate our decisions to marry someone. But God doesn't make these decisions for us. He just opens our eyes and allows us to see what truly lies within our hearts."

"This is not just a test but also a path which you have to take. It won't be easy, for the road you will choose will decisively play an important role in your life. Don't get too easily carried away by sweeping emotions. Sometimes our hearts can mislead us and impair our rational and sensible judgement. "

"You can never row a boat on two rivers at the same time. There is no point in letting someone hang on to something that isn't there anymore and blindly hope for someone who never truly belonged to them."

Being sad

Not feeling well.
Need time to take things and absorb them lightly.
Good things dont last.
Goodbye's make you cry.
I am sad.
I felt no hint of bliss.
Craving for sleep.
Sleep takes you anywhere but where u are at the moment.
I'll miss the everyday "ate" and fun and crazy things we do.
Food trip. Chocolates. Sodas. Movies.
I'll miss you, kendz. =(

Current mood: Uber sad :~(

Ouch

the wound u have keeps on hurting and there is nothing else for you to soothe the pain but to sit and wait and be numb until it subsides. until you get over it and then pick up where u stand and then move on. you know that it'll heal soon. but what if the strength you have won't hold up to that intensity of anguish? just a thought...

Heart Attack

I saw my friend's nick online just weeks ago and sent her a message.

ME: "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Mustaaaaaaaaa?"
HER: "Helloooooooooo! Miss you na bruha! Ako eto broke. Broke - financially and emotionally. Hahaha ang drama kaagad noh? Ikaw musta?"
ME: "Haha gagah! Im ok. Still trying to do my best to enjoy life hehehe. What's with the broken tsutsu?"

And in 30 minutes she had told me what that BROKE was all about. it seems like yesterday when both of them found themselves attracted to one another. But it's been a year. It's been that long that they have been pretending that nothing happen, that everything is normal just the way it was, that admittingly it was there once but not this time. I guess no one knew that blurting out what you feel is not something you can get back and hide again so that no one else will get hurt.

Did you ever believe that saying that when you love or felt something for someone it is just right to let the person know no matter what detriments it may bring? Maybe for some people it works perfectly but it never applies to everyone. And they were one of those latter. She said she just misses him. She miss talking to someone who can understands her and make her smile amidst of the little storms in her life. "I feel your pain, bru", I know that because I know how it feels. "You'll get by", i told her as i i always do to my friends enduring such 'heart attack' when i felt like there's nothing better for me to soothe their pain. "I know", she said, and we bid goodbye.

*a msg from her to you if you happen to stumble upon this: she misses you and she felt jealous sometimes when you're fooling with other girls but she said she dont have the right. she misses you like crazy. i ask for your name but she said you'll know it the moment u read it. take care and i hope u know you matters to her.

Poignant

heart's crushed
when you speak
amidst of sobs
unending mourn

i look up the sky i see rain
when will it stop? when will it end?
drenched and bushed rest i seek
serene mind harder to reach

i linger till the rain ends
each chapter never shines
this path i took always dim

Eilrig's Return

Today is my official "comeback" day. I've dozed off for a month and been neglecting my blog for a while. Well, nothing much happens except for the big changes. Been busy packing and unpacking all our stuff since we moved to a new place not far from where we used to stay. I didn't realize how much stuff we have and how much trash we've been keeping for years. Exhausting but now it's ok at least half of it. And I can see now the real beauty of the place hehehe. Good thing Annie and her hubby's still here to help us. The past few weeks that we all shared together was something that I can never forget. Today at 6.30 am we saw them off and bid goodbye. Saddest thing for me but knowing that I can still see Annie few weeks from now still makes me feel that she's not that far yet till she moved to LA. Goodbye time once again. Have to be tough, gurl. And then from the airport I snatched 30 minutes sleep and then kendz and I went to Immigration to plead for at least another week so she can at least make it to bebikoh's bday. It's very stressful. As much as I want her to stay, things happen as if they were oppose to what I wanted. But I leave it all up to GOD. I know HE got better things for my sister. So, after talking to the immigration officer who happens to be so strict with the rules, after all the pleading, we at least somehow convince him to give her at least additional one more week IF we can provide a confirm ticket. No problem, officer! I know that It'll be hard for my sister bec she's very emotional, i just hope that she'll take it lightly. At least she can see our family now after 3 long months. Three long months, huh? It feels like its only been a week. Whew! Days fly by so fast, really. Wow a lot of things are happenning that's making me sad. It's true that when it rains it pours. Only to me they were'nt a good thing.