Poignant goodbye

We went to the wake last night at St. Theresa Church. My ex-Boss wasn't there, later found out that he was sick and have to go to the hospital. Poor him. We managed to talked to Monica's sister and she told us what happened. Monica was my ex-Boss's wife who died just last friday. It was really sudden that all were shocked to hear about Monica's demise. She was only 39.

This was Monica's sister's story as far as I can remember:
Their daughter (only 8 yrs old) was sick since last thursday so Monica file for a Child Care leave that friday. Her sister last talked to Monica friday at 3pm telling her that she's really tired and she's vomitting but that was it. She didn't feel anything strange. She wasn't sick at all. But around past 5, Monica with her daughter, tried to cough then fainted. The daughter was really brave and didn't panicked at all, called her father who's still in the office, and told him what happened. When the father got home, after few attempts to make Monica breath, she's already gone. The doctor said Monica had a massive heart attack base from the autopsy. But her sister said Monica doesn't have any heart condition history. The only thing that Monica complains to her sister was that she's tired. Could someone really died just like that? Overstressed? Too much work? She's still young and her daughter's only 8. Maybe it's time to think twice if we ever plan on working long hours and not spending few hours of our time with our family. As life continues to most of us - my boss, Monica's family and their beautiful daughter continue to grief and miss monica. Our fervent prayer to Monica's soul and to her family whom she left. =(

Sorry i sound too concerned with what happened. Aside from the fact that i hate it when someone was left behind, the now-widowed husband of Monica was my boss for 6 years. And monica works at the same company as ours. It's just really sad.

Sad Christmas

Woke up late. Day was gloomy. It was raining since last night, i think. I wanted to stay home to sleep. I almost call in sick. Really feel sleepy. Obvious from my blog. I felt like a telegram. Then, I got an SMS from Mareng Bebit. She told me about the demise of Tatay's wife last friday. 3 days before christmas. Tatay was my Project Leader for 6 years in Hadaba. He's the one who testified for each contract that I sign that I deserve the income that I am asking for. He was the one who made me see that not all Singaporeans are "kinda" racists. His wife works at Hadaba too. Wasn't actual close to his wife but most of the CP's that were under Tatay were really close to him. Especially me and Mame Ces. It's really really sad to know of his loss. They have a 6 year old girl. I felt like crying just thinking of it. I hate this kind of moment in life. I've said many times before in my blog how my heart breaks for the people who were left alone by their loved ones. It's really hard. I hope GOD will take care of them. I hope GOD can show to them that life may be as hard as it can get, it will always be beautiful in the end. Oh, darnit, I don't have anything good to say. I felt sad. =( Imagine losing someone when it's so close to adding one more happy event like Christmas in your life. Condolence Tatay. :(

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas y'all! Had managed to call home today yey! I was trying to call home last night at 12 and ashoeswal, i can't get in to the network. I've talked to them on the phone and I felt more sad not being able to be with them huhu. I also learn from mamu (she's really madaldal talaga), Dad's connect (kabit hahaha i don't want to use the term mistress kasi feeling ko pang-mayaman lang yun!), left him with his two treasured kids for another man who's 27 years old! Nagpapaka-Demi Moore ang lola mo! Bad ko instead of feeling sorry for him, i laugh out loud. Not because Im happy he got dumped, I guess I just felt a little bliss knowing how life really works. Oopps, I'm not so good myself. Sabi sa home alone 3, if you've done a bad thing, try to make a big good deed to at least alleviate what you've done wrong. Hmmm. Well, at least he got to produce two who would carry and continue their name Franco. I just hope they would turn out to be good kids. I still felt a little sad each time I look back but it's what had made me stronger and maybe I owe tiny little thing to otrebron. With the way I live my life back in high school, and am not sure if it's how normal high school kids are, i couldn't be too sure if i would still turn out the way i am now. praning pa din hehe. But I grew up being otrebron's sidekick. After work, in the morning he would usually wake me up and get me up from home and come with him to work then go to my lola's place at his off day. I remember how I love going to Kanlaon even if I know at a young age how Lola hates my mamu. You know byenan-manugang type of war. That's the only place I could eat makopa, chocolates, apple, grapes, goldilocks or castanas at Christmas Time and have my malaking piso turned into limampiso or play with lola's 7 different dogs. But I never felt at home. There's always a wall between me and otrebron's side even if I was tagged back then as Lola's favorite apo. Sigh those were the days. Been a long time since I last visited her. Maybe sa March paguwi ko :)

My 2006 bucket

Now that 2006 is 8 days short 'till it finally say goodbye, i've thought of thinking back and reminiscing what 2006 have brought me. So I could look forward to some of the "planned" things that would happen to me in 2007. Year 2006 walked up on me with a smile as 2005 left me something memorable. Ambilis ng panahon!

Things to remember by:
The proposal. Spending christmas vacation for the first time since I worked here in singapore with my family in the Philippines. Went to Bintan with pitibifor. Wowowee stampede that kills and injures people :(. I got my first Tiffany given be bebi as his valentines gift to me. A friend gave birth to a baby boy in february and became my godson in october. Mudslide in Leyte :(. Kuya Robby visit SG. Sis Apple got a job. Eian, Edward and the kidz moved from Malaysia to Singapore for good. Fort Minor concert. Tried Wall Climbing. Club Med in Bintan. Got addicted to Grey's Anatomy. Kuya, Nanay with the cute kidz visited Singapore. Bebe turned 31. Finally decided to get hitched! Eian and Edward's angel - Ella turned one. Eian, Edward, Lorena and Us went to Siem Reap, cambodia. Face a great deal of making a decision - to stay or not to stay in Hadaba which of course eventually I did. Won first place in 4th HDB Pinoy IT Bowling League. Romantic Dinner at the Sentosa's cable car on my Birthday. Coach bag as a gift from bebe. Got a fringe for the first time. First bday in singapore without a party. Said goodbye to 6 years of work in hdb. East Coast overnight with friends. Spent 6 days in Manila. First Day at SGX. Last Day at SGX. Organized an EB for the first time for W@Wies. Had a try on at Jimmy Choo. 2nd yr anniversary of my ankh. Rakrakan Night. Bebe got his first electric guitar. First Day at FedEx. Said goodbye to a lot of friends. Made new friends. Bebe's first ever performance playing guitar. Christmas parties. Lost Treo 650 phone. Zero visibility of chance to do good deed. :(

Time fly so fast. One year is only 12 months. But look how far we've become since last year. Too many memories. Too many heartaches. But what matters is how strong we've become and happier than ever. We may say our goodbyes to some but definitely worth it to find treasures from others. I've love the way my life has been for the past 12 months and definitely looking forward what 2007 would bring in to my life.

First Day High

Bad things may have poured out on me the past few days and I can't say that I have gotten over it inspite of the very good news. Still, it is something that I really really thanked GOD for never letting me drowned from the "not-so-good" things that knocked me off my feet. Yes, I finally found a new job. It was a lot of signs from GOD that it was what He wanted for me. Today, I just started my first day at FedEx. It was suppose to be yesterday but this "freakin-pain" made me spend about 20 bucks and lose my 1 day of work - starting ko pa lang yan ha! Hayyy focus on the good things. Anyway, my day started ok. Everyone at work was nice. The team consists of about 20 people - only 2 were girls, one was me. Those were the only people I met during the 2 hour meeting we had in the afternoon. Talk about shocked. Thank GOD there were 2 kababayans that I can talked to. I hope the following days or months of my stay there would be fruitful. Kapagod din maghanap ng work. The full 10 days lying around at home made me worried but at least somehow GOD let me have the rest Ive been longing for. Ive been working non stop for 6 years anyway. Though there were times that we took a vacation, this is by far the longest rest I had since birth hehe. Been working my ass off eversince I graduated from highschool. Whew. Thank you Lord for everything. Thank you friends for the support and prayers. Thank you bebe for being so supportive and always believing in me. Thank you Mom for praying hard with me. Thank you sisses for being my inspiration to move on. Naks, feeling nanalo ng Oscar! Winner! Salamat po!

Pouring much?

The last time I called mom, I said that the next phone call she'll get from me will be about my job. But I can't help telling her about my phone. I called her this afternoon and told her about my phone. And then she said, why everything was taken from us little by little. I thought she was just saying that because of my job-seeking adventure and that I just lost my phone. She said Kendz was also resigning from her job because of "management issues". Apparently, her boss, who's a tsinoy, called her a saleslady to which she said she's not that she's a pharmacist of their place which brings to argument that she's not fond of selling and all that and she resigned. Case no. i don't know - my sister apple was also resigning from her job because she wasn't give a proper contract and they refuse to give her some of the benefits that she was entitled to. And now the shocking part - tuesday morning i think around 5 am on her way home from work (she's woking like a customer service at pldt as a technical consultant) - she got robbed inside an FX. All her things, phone, wallet, everything was taken away from her. I didn't felt relieved that I was luckier than her. I hoped she didn't have to go through that and I should have been the one. She's 25 but I will always hope and pray that every single bad thing that was about to come their way will be redirected to me. It's just a relief that she didn't get hurt. I'll try to look at the bright side of life hoping that there's still at least one left. It's days before Christmas and I felt helpless. I can't even do something to what happen to the victims of typhoon Reming. Hell, I can't even extend a little help to my family. Hmm, what should I call this typhoon in my life?

Interview

When one favorite of mine like blogging was deserted, that means im in a total mess at the moment. Ive been juggling my time from refreshing myself from the projects ive done to prepping myself for the most hated part of my existence - JOB INTERVIEW. I had two and still have one tomorrow which im really dreading to go to. I just hope JOB INTERVIEW were not like this. Each one's dreading to sell themselves trying to make a good impression in just 45mins. Im just really hoping and praying really really hard to GOD that at least one from the two interviews I've had will get me huhuhu. Please please, pretty please. I hope this time He'll put me somewhere I really belong. Well, those 3 months wasn't wasted actually. My oracle was refreshed. At least now I can put something 'oracle-y' to my resume. Sigh. Now that my end is about to come in just 2 days, my mind's really not at it's peace mode. I worry about lot of things. But, yes, looking back to those days that I've been like this, God had never left me for one tiny sec. Three wonderful occasion that I'm really excited about was set aside just because of this. Well this one is much more important than the said events. Another sigh.

Reverie

Being in bed for the whole day yesterday, I tried at least to steal a sleep from the @#%$@%^ pain that I had. Every month! Never missed even one single f***ing month! And funny thing is I never get used to it. Darn! Oh sorry. This is not what this blog is about. Have to forget about this.

Anyway, some b2b's (bride-to-be) almost instantly tells you they had weird dreams about their wedding even if it's still a year away. Weird in a way that they have been doing the preparations for a year and their dreams turned out to be a disaster like you never even bother to do one single task. Mine's different. Maybe it has something to do with me browsing the wedding pictures of some w@wies. With them walking down the aisle with their dear parents. This worries me maybe because my parents have been seperated for almost 14 years now. Our family just got complete last year for the sake of my first Christmas in the Philippines since Ive been away. Nothing much to say to go into details of what happened after that because there's none. Now, that one thing in my life that's so important to me will be happening in exactly 9 months time, my Mom asked me if Im going to invite him. Invite him to be my father on my wedding day? Funny hehe but as far as I can remember, during my simple debut party at our home hosted by my nanay (my auntie on mother's side), he wasn't invited but he was there outside our home. He wasn't able to go inside because most of our relatives, mother's side, especially my mom, wouldn't allow him. I was feeling a lot of emotions that time. Happy that he went to see me inspite of what happened. Sad that he was there but he wasn't really. Angry too for what he did. But I still went out to see him and thank him for coming. I just don't exactly remember if I brought food for him. But this is one thing that I like about my mom. Through her pain, she never even once told us to hate our father. Or to never speak to him again. And now, that this wedding is going to happen, the decision is up to me only. Yesterday, I had a reverie that I was in the philippines. Then I saw him on the street walking, to which I casually told him about my wedding and he's invited. That's it. I woke up after that. No drama or action effect. But I am not sure why I had a dream like this when i've already decided that I will be inviting him. Hmmmm.

The Terminal Man

"A match may start a fire, but once the fire is burning, putting out the match won't stop the fire. The problem is no longer the match. It's the fire." - The Terminal Man by Michael Crichton

When it rains, it pours

I haven't got over yet with my "personal" problem just this weekend and now my Monday seems to be starting on a very "lovely" one. Oh yes, im being sarcastic. When I opened the mail that I got from our mailbox last friday it brought me into panic mood. At least, i'm a bit thankful that my weekend didn't get much heavier from the thing that im carrying on my back for 2 nights. Nope, it doesn't end there. When I got to the office while reading my tons of emails, someone, with a higher position i think, from my work approached me. It was regarding the dilemma I had few weeks ago. Thought it was settled - but I was wrong. She talked to me and explained to me in a really nice way that they were letting me go. Because apparently there's some problems or miscommunication with the job requirement when i applied here. Simply put, they require someone who can do scripting in oracle (which she said I can do), deployment of web applications (also I can do), but what they really need is someone who can do testing and MF (which I couldn't and don't have the experience). I told her that it's fine with me and will tender my resignation letter as soon as i had a word with my team leaders and my agent. Now, I've sent an email with the 3 persons involve and just waiting for whatever they have in mind. What more could make this day seem interesting? I received an sms from the owner of our condo telling me of his plans of selling it. Which means, we will be moving out in time. Sigh! What do I feel now? Nothing. Maybe. Or it hasn't reached the bottom part of me yet. Sometimes i think it's true that you get numb when one quandary removes the Y replacing it with IES in the end. Oh well, a lovely day indeed. Bummer.

The Y's of Luv

Why do our heart ache from something that no matter what you did to forget it, it's still there after all? Why isn't there any remedy for BS things like this? Why do we always tend to stay in the abyss of compassion and longingness for someone were not even sure if they know we still exist and suffering, if that could help? Why does love have to be so complicated? Why doesn't people with great power and knowledge who can invent a lot of things haven't think of a cure for heartaches? Im sure it'll be a best seller. I have tons of questions that I'm not sure if someone better could give me an answer. I alone couldn't think of anything to my friend to alleviate what she's going through. I think, if you asked me, world would be a better place if someone could stay in love for too long to just one person. Sorry, I am not being judgemental or righteous for that matter. I do believe people could fall in love to someone at the wrong time. I don't believe that there's such a thing as right or wrong love. I believe in love - period. But it's just one wish that I hope would be granted. To let people be in love for just one and not find themselves in the chasm of painful heartaches. Or cause heartache to someone when they're not sure of what they feel towards the other. I hope she'll get over it and be strong no matter how long she've tried to forget. Nth years ago, I thought it was something she could forget over a bottle of vodka (even she doesn't drink that much) but now I believe how she strongly feels for that person. No matter how much I wanted to say - things would get better - i knew it wouldn't do anything, only God knows WHEN things would be in its proper place. Cheer-up!

The magic of YM

Up until now it amazes me how modern technology had helped people like me to get in touch with people we don't usually see. This day, I've chat with 2 people who've, well, imprint part of their personality in my system. Special child ba. The latter I've last seen was the day before I left Manila for Singapore and since then we never had much time to talk even through email or any kind of communication. We never had that chance to see each other again even through my occassional visits in Manila for some reasons. Now with my status "sniff" *because I got colds*, a familiar nick appeared on my screen with a hint of concern about my status. I didn't know people still care. Through our conversation of how are you's and how things are with each other, those last words on my screen made me smile and thank God that somehow I've managed to save a few friends and special people in my bucket. That phrase "I'll never forget you" seem so sweet to read. This matters because I'm a person diagnosed with a KSP disease and hard-to-please infection. I look like I never care for someone who doesn't give a damn about me but always, at the end of the day i still do... really. (It's already 5 and Im still wide awake! Arrgghhh!)

Happy 2nd, JACCR!

'Tis the month of October again and for the second year, I'm celebrating the masterpiece on my skin. Happy second birthday ankh! Happy birthday jaccr! I feel guilty everytime mom asked me why it never wear off. I guess she had the idea already but doesnt want to admit hehe.

The Departed

Due to stress in the office, I asked bebe if we could watch a movie. This is my medicine when im in stress or feeling sad or wala lang hehehe. Bebit were kind enough to text me if I want to join the group because they planned on watching "Sukob" which I decline as fast as my eyes blink. I really hate horror movies. But Im proud that tagalog movies made it here in singapore. You can't just force me to watch it - yes, kahit pa free! We watched The Departed and I'll say that this is one of the great movies that I really can recommend to all my friends though not for the faint of heart. I don't exactly know how to tell how good a movie is without telling the story so let me just say that this is something worth every cent of what you've paid. Even for that popcorn and hotdog. I literally had asthma attack after the movie. Not exaggerating. Big stars are in it - Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin - and they all did a very good convincing job in portraying their roles. Especially Jack Nicholson. This is one movie that I'll be watching over and over again - after checking my pulse and heart rate first. Oh, by the way, did I mention that this was co-produce by Brad Pitt? *drool* So get up on your ass now and buy yourself a ticket and watch it! I am really glad how we both love watching movies. Wag lang talaga horror! 'Love you man!

first time

it's like being here in singapore for the first time. that feeling of standing on your own and doing every possible way to know your way out of the dark dungeon. someone might yell the way out but you still have to find it at your own risk, at your own time, at your own expense. a month had passed and im still as blind as an owl. i couldn't find the energy to go to work because none of it is a challenge - a nightmare maybe. i have neglected few good things in my life that for the past six years i've really enjoyed doing. now at my leisure time, all i wanna do is lie and think about how i dreaded Mondays. i felt like quitting every tick of the clock. i felt like ignoring the good things it'll do to me and my family at the end of each month just to save my ass for 22 days of being naive and seeing a lot of question marks around my head. i knew i was happy back then but i had to decide what matters most to myself and my future. now, i am not sure if i am having regrets with the decision i made 50 days ago. most good friends says it's what human calls "adjustments". if it is, why the hell it took so long for my system to identify and absorb the reality of where i am now? i guess i don't really hate where my decision had brought me. maybe, i just detest the notion of me in an idiocy state.

Juanang Tamad

If only I could just stay at home
watch movie or sleep all day
surf the net or redecorate our room
finish my scrapbooks and album our photos

If only I could just wake up when i want to
and feel the sheets in my bed
call up all my friends I've missed
and chat all day long

If only I could just shop all the things I want
and frantically take all that glitters
ill buy bags and clothes and shoes
all of them under designer labels

If only I could just choose things i want
like who to work for and what kind of job to do
my time won't be wasted and boring as hell
each would be spent on a meaningful things

If only I could just be contented
with all the things around me
and be thankful that i have a job
that feeds my family and myself

I guess im only yearning for a rest
just like everybody else
a time for my family
and a time for myself
enough to fill up all the time i've missed
until it satiates the emptiness within

solitary world

it took me so long to blog about my new work. nothing much to say about it except rants. sigh! now, after 3 weeks of adjusting to my new environment, it suddenly came into me. i miss my hadaba life. i miss my friends. i miss everyone there. i miss all the auntie's selling kikay stuffs. i miss the merienda. i guess, i need ample time to adjust to where i am now. its peaceful but its kinda lonely. sigh and more sigh. nevertheless, i don't regret or hope for things to get back to its normal state because it is what was given to me. all i need is a space to change the channel to set it to another mood.

#lonli, im miss lonli. i heb nobadi tu kollll my ownnnnnnn

All about friendship

it's very rare that someone used up big words, pure adjectives, all good things about me. i used to be that person too. showing what i truly feel about someone but few storms have washed away that attitude of mine. few have taken notice of the reasons why i care so much about the friendship. now, i thank GOD for there still are people who values friendship like i did last time. I may have been holding of what I truly feel, but GOD knows how much that friendship has been and will always be appreciated by me. Thank you friends. Thank you bebit for that article. It did made me shed a tear. Haylafyu!

Day One in Manila

I woke up as early as I can for my early flight. Don't wanna be late :) This should be a good day to start things because at this same date next year, i will be saying my vows, finally! Now, where was I? Oh, I reached Changi more than an hour before my scheduled flight but i think i was not the only one who planned to start their day right. My suppose to be plan of having breakfast at the McDonalds didn't happen. I couldn't find the freaking man waving, so I opt for a cup of hot chino wif choco muffins at the coffee bean. Ahhhh, the perks of being an early bird. I slept through the entire flight and just woke up when its time for us to land.

It was great seeing my Mom and sis kendz again after 8 months. We went to market market and had lunch at Jabee which bebe's cute niece adores so much. All of us, tatay, nanay, bebe, rein, mom, and kendz had fun eating at Jabee. It's always known how much we, people working overseas, crave for Jabee the moment we set our foot on the ground of manila. I ordered 2-pc chicken for myself and an extra palabok but never got the chance to eat the palabok. Takaw mata kasi. We went home after the hearty lunch. When we got home, I was surprised by the "new-look" of the house. Though, it's still rented, it has now the look and feel of a real home. I just hope someday, I could finally buy my Mom her own lair. Sana lang. Due to lack of sleep, Mom and me dozed off the entire afternoon. Tsk sayang yung araw. When we woke up, my two lovely sisters were already home. Mom cooked a fried tilapia that I lovingly requested for dinner hehe. After dinner, we watched a tagalog movie that stars my crush Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga. I never get this super kilig while watching movies. At one part of the movie, I saw all my three sisters crying, of course i am too. I turned to my mom and told her, "Ano po ba tong mga anak nyo napaka-iyakin lahat!". My mom sniffs, and said, "Oo nga eh", then wipe her tears with her hanky, hahahaha. I thought she wasn't 'mababaw ang luha'. May pagmamanahan talaga! We went to Tia Maria in Malate afterwards. Ronel, a long time good friend followed. The day ends up really good as I've prayed it would. It's good to have a taste of beer especially when it's cheap hehehe =) Day One is over.

Last Day

Some things gotta end no matter how much you still wanted to stay. Factors arise and you have to make a decision. My last day's today after six years of doing programming and making friends. I enjoyed all the surprises during my birthday which was 5 days ago and now my friends still did something nice for me as a parting gift. We had lunch at the McDonalds, of course with free desserts, and before we eat our food, they showed me a video of me with their messages - all of them. Nobody noticed but I almost cried. I have held back my tears not wanting to be too emotional about the situation. But I really really appreciate all that they've done for me. I must have done something right to deserve this kind of friendship but in as much as I wanted to remember, I've done nothing. Maybe I was wrong when it comes to friends. There still are good ones after all. I have acquired a lot of friends during my stay in Hadaba and though most of them have completely forgotten me or got busy with their new work, they still have made me feel how great it is to have friends. And I can't feel anything but be glad with this kind of blessing. The day ended with goodbyes to almost everyone. It's really sad to leave everything good behind. My boss gave me a parting gift as well as my Indian teammate. It was really sweet of them. I almost cried when I hugged Inay and Bebit. I know we still got a lot of chance to see each other but the reality hits me that i'll never see their faces every morning. I'll never get the chance to share a tsismis with them. And joked with them. Have lunch with them. Sigh. Inay, Itay, Bebit, Cuz and me had dinner at Pizza Hut and said our final goodbyes afterwards. I didn't let myself drowned from loneliness. I still have something to look forward to - like spending time with my family in manila even for only a couple of days. Tenchu frenjies, for adding memories to my life.