Blind - Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go

Wild Wild Wet

Last week, the benipayo's invited us for a Saturday weekend at wild wild wet. Although we were already booked for 5pm for w@w sg EB, we decided to go with them since I have never set foot on that place ever and was bugging dadi to go ever since. I was too excited that I already prepared Cheska's things Thursday evening. It is a first time for the abdon's thus explains the eagerness.

So, last Saturday morning even at an hour and a half late, we still made it. At first I find it a bit expensive for $15 fee but when I saw the place, it was all worth it. Team B (Benipayo team lol) were on time and Alexi is already swimming when we got there. Team A (Abdon hihi) had lunch first then they all went for swim as I'm still on support. It is a bummer but no choice and I wont let it ruin my weekend with my family and friends. At 1:30 I was done supporting and bebe's already asleep so we started with the fun while ate bheng stays with bebe. *I made her go while doing the support so it’s my turn hihihi*

First stop - TSUNAMI: a big pool with waves as if you’re in a sea. And water do taste salty. The salbabidas are free to use of different sizes. I can't seem to get enough of the happiness on mamu's face. She's like a kid lol. So am I. It was so fun!

Second stop - SHIOK RIVER: a long narrow size pool with water flowing like a river. It is really relaxing. Though I must say that I never relax with much excitement on wanting to try everyULAR-LAH rides and attractions and hoping *just now* that bebe would sleep a bit longer hehehe.

Third stop - ULAR-LAH: the closest thing to experience white-water rafting daw and indeed. saya saya!

We went back to our place for a while and found bebe already awake. It was ok as i have enjoyed much of the rides anyway. And I was hoping to have a swim with her. We went to the PROFESSOR’s PLAYGROUND and this is really a good fun for kids of all ages. We tried WATERWORKS with open tube while mamu and ate bheng and bebe were waiting for us at the pool. Ahihihi kakatuwa. Surprisingly, the water isn’t that cold. Longest time I’ve been in water I think lol.

Mamu and ate bheng went back with bebe to finish off. We still went for another last hirit. We went to try SLIDE UP. Waaaaa roller coaster feeling - plunging down a really high ramp accelerating really fast. Kalurky! Parang naiwan puso ko sa ere. Still had a feeling of vertigo after that nerve wracking ride. But I’m proud of myself lol. I’ve always been a coward and to try that kind of ride is really something. But if you ask me again to try it, no way jose. Once is exciting and fun, twice is too much for me to bear as if hugging my own death sentence lol. Ok I’m really exaggerating now. Next ride for us is the SKYRIDER. Imagine monorail on a twin bike. Feeling mary poppin ako hihi. umbrella na lang kulang. But don’t judge it for the way it looks. At first, it might have an impression that it’s boring and really easy. For people who have terrible fear of heights, better stay in the water. Got scared as if we’ll fall down and as if some of those mechanical things will fall off. If this is suppose to be a relaxing ride, they fail to meet my standards lol.  Ok last na, haba na ng post ko. Last ride was the WATERWOKS with close tube. Naman! Uber sa dilim! Can’t see a thing or a single hint of light. Scary but fun hihihi.

That’s about our experience in WWW. It’s a really fun experience for family especially to those who haven’t tried it. We will go back there definitely. All you need to bring are your changing clothes, towel and most important is money. No need to bring food as there’s a lot of choices around. I super like this weekend! Thanks Ninong Dennis / Ninang Che for inviting us. Parang disneyland feeling! And another good thing is, it somehow helped in healing bebe’s rashes. Kelangan pala ihian ang tubig :D

Here’s the wild wild wet link for more info :) Not a promoter or employed by this company. I’m just one very satisfied customer :D

Wondering

At the end of each day, have you ever wonder if, by your actions or joke or words, someone got really hurt or cried? It maybe funny to you but there are some who don't. It's either they are really sensitive or you are insensitive. People like you who knows how to ruin a good day with just a snap of a finger should be pondering on such things.

I so wanted to be out but too scared to take the first step. *sob*

Grrr to the max level

I was suppose to be on call last sunday in case of issues. Since I didnt receive any call, figures I wasn't needed. When I got to office this morning pagsabihan ba ako na dapat tumawag ako to check kung may issue or wala? Eh di ba dapat pag may issue you dont send mail or sms na d naman mababasa? You were suppose to call first then send msg? Ako pa talaga sisihin? Grrr! Halatang halata favoritism. Pulitika talaga. May malipatan lang sana ako. Kakapikon na! Tumaas lang position tumaas na din ere ng hitad. Maging kuto ka lang titirisin kita ng pinong pino!

Apologize for the rant and bad behaviour. Hayyyz!

The long awaited reply from CebuPac

Remember my post 5 months ago with my complaint to cebupac? Well, after 5 long months, they did reply. And I don’t know whether to be happy or grateful with their reply. Sigh!

 

This July, we “have to” take Cebupac again from Manila-Sg. We have to be on the same flight with Ate Bheng as Dadi won’t be coming back with us yet. Sana naman!

Lucky Kids

Few weeks ago, I post a photo of a bottle of shampoo for kids with the disney character on it. I was thinking how lucky kids are nowadays. And just now, saw a family with a baby of about 2 or 3 years, with the netbook in front of her, to entertain her im sure. My inaanak alexi is always entertained when her parents gave her a phone where she can watched elmo or anything. They sure are one lucky generation. I still remember my cousins having the play gun made of wood and rattles made of plastic which Im sure my parents or any parents in that time wouldn't bother checking if it's made in China. I'm sure when the time comes that cheskapot could understand, she'll be annoyed with my sentences like "you're so lucky! back in my days, blah blah". Well to be honest, I am starting now with all her stuffed toys and fisher price toys and branded clothes that are really way too expensive. Lol! I'm not the one buying it. I'm the "nudger" so I still have the right to complain. Good thing the financier is not reading my blog :D

Cocoon

There were phases in our life where we  sometimes felt the feeling of loneliness and emptiness and envy and unappreciated all at the same time for no apparent reason. Or maybe there is. It's just too embarassingly painful to admit - even to yourself. I have had enough moments like this and when I do, I take a step back and retreat in my own cocoon. This helps me think and wallow in my own selfish thoughts - or not. Whatever.   

Nights in Rodanthe

I read the book and found it to be really dragging. I love NS and I've read most of his books. I just found this one really boring. I mean I did cry for some parts but most of the time I was really looking forward to finish the book just bec I was hoping the ending is good. But it's not. It's the first time I got disappointed with a book. No offense to NS and especially to the readers who really loved the book. Im a huge NS fan but this particular story I'd really wanted to forget. I bought a DVD on sale hoping the movie will put justice to it. But it didn't. There were a lot of good things from the book that was omitted. A widows love for her late husband, a daughters love for her father and the love of a man for her late wife. Those parts were so good. In fact, I think the only good thing in the book. Inspite of this terrible particular book, I will still complete my NS collection and read and watch the movie adaptations. Hoping this is the only rotten tomato among the bunch.

Sentiments

there was a time in my life that i felt the joy and pain of being a parent to my siblings. more of like the "father" since i was there with them financially and not at times they really needed someone. i couldn't even say that i've been a sister to them since i never really knew them for that long. and i couldn't say that im proud of any of it. i was just trying to play the part that God asked me to. i don't even feel like i have the "authority" to tell them what's good and what's not for their life. but sometimes when they did a decision in their life, i had this feeling that i thought they owe me something - at least shaping their life into what you think is best for them. and when it's going the other way around, i felt cheated or moreso HURT. i guess, i have to accept the fact that what i thought would make them happy isn't really making them happy. they have their own life to live just as i had mine. im just praying hardly to God to be with them and guide them every step of the way just as He did to me. I'm not saying my life is perfect now. but i somehow had that notion that i passed what was expected of me. if it's hard for me, it must be million times for my mom. i wish cheska will go easy on me when she grows up.

Trip to ICA

This morning’s attempt to re-appeal baby Cheska’s PR application wasn’t what you called fruitful. I thought we will be talking to someone to reasoned out Cheska’s rejected application. It still is better to get rejected knowing the grounds than receiving a plain letter with only “Sorry, you application has been denied”. Anyway, we submitted the re-appeal form with the re-appeal letter we made and then we proceed to 4th floor where we applied for her extension. She got extended alright but only until end of May. Re-appeal takes another 6 months processing. Now, we were advised to apply for a long term pass for her. OMG! This is really really troublesome. I still can’t accept the fact that they can reject a PR application of a baby. Way to go Singapore! I love Singapore. Woooo-hooo! Hooooray!

Sad

We got the letter from ICA regarding bebe’s PR application. It was applied last October and we were just at the ICA last January which they said it was impossible for a baby to get denied especially if both parents are PR. But how come in the letter it reads “we regret to inform you that your application was unsuccessful”. I hope tomorrow when I call ICA, it’ll be something like “Sorry there was just a mistake. Your baby’s application is successful” But to be honest, THIS will be a big change in all of our lives. Sorry, can’t help it but be really sad and think of the could-have-been’s.

 

I wanted to cry but I know dadi b will only tell me there’s nothing to cry. But I really really felt sad. :(

Au Revoir, Toffee

Heard the news from sister K that our first baby Toffee was gone. I haven’t talked to her and she hasn’t replied to my sms yet as to what was the cause of Toffee’s demise. I know, if anyone will be devastated, it will be bunso. Toffee’s her real baby :( Goodbye, Toffee. If there’s a thing called dog-heaven, I’m sure that’s where you’ll be going :( Good riddance to the sweetest, smelliest and playful dog I’ve ever known. Say hello to Marley for us.

 

A sad sad day for everyone

today is the 2nd day. many of us still can't believe she's gone. many of us wanted to believe that it never happen, that she's now home taking care of baby coby.  close or not, it's a big shock just to know she's gone at the age of 27 or 28. to know how she never even got to half of a full life in this world. i don't know which one makes my heart ache - the things I've said about her or because i cant imagine the pain of the family she left behind especially our good friend bogs. now, i guess it would take years before we see the smile on his face, the excitement and happiness whenever he tells us his plans about his baby and wife. it's all sudden. I'm not related to any of them. i don't even know E's maiden name at first. i don't even know E that much. having said that i wonder why did i cried so much the moment i heard the news and why do i still feel lump in my throat and get teary eyed every time i remember E’s gone now and knowing how my friend bogs is taking it. it’s just so sad :( really really sad.

why do extreme pain like this happen to good people? wait no, i guess i don’t want to hear any other answer to that question. because honestly, the answer that I'm looking for and the only answer that i wanted to hear is this –> “wait, I'm sorry. this kind of pain shouldn't happen. you don’t deserve it. let’s click a bit of rewind.” and then voila, everything is back to how it should be. no pain. i don’t like pain in any form as much as i hate heartaches. i don’t like the words “everything happens for a reason” or “it will make you strong” because let me tell you this, i don’t think making someone so weak by hitting them so hard in their chest makes them stronger. and wait, stronger for what? another heartache? and what could be that most wonderful reason that this thing has to happen? i’m not being cynical or anything. i guess, this is the only thing in life that i really really don’t understand. my faith is still intact, don’t worry. i just can’t seem to see the clarity of the reason why this has to happened. :(

Bogs, i don’t have the best of sympathy words to say. i don’t know how much pain you felt right now. let your heart cry out. let it bleed. let it feel the pain. let it numb. eventually, somehow, somewhere, it will heal. it might take you forever but you’ll find the intensity of it all gradually diminishing. keep the love and your memories with E alive. be sad when you feel the stab again. you’ll feel happiness again because you deserver it. and we are all praying for it. may God give you much strength to endure this. you have so many friends grieving with you and praying for you. i hope you’ll make it through. GOD BLESS.

E, we may have not shared a moment together but I feel like i know so much about you because of bogs. if you’re still here, i would tell you how much he loves you. he doesn’t say it to us, but i know he does. he talk so much about you. how you love to buy clothes and hang them in your closet which after few days, tags are still intact. how you love small cute little things. how he go out of his way to buy the 10 bucks worth of box with cutesy girly stuff in it just because he knows you like it. how he was so happy when you found out your pregnant. and the worried look on his face each time he tells us about some minor implications on your pregnancy. how he can’t stop telling us his plan of bringing you and baby back here in singapore. take care of bogs and baby while you’re away. i know you will guide them forever. you’re a great loss in this world. your smile and pretty face will never be forgotten. we’ll miss you terribly.

Passport to Freedom

I have been complaining *a lot* lately and I know it’s not proper to think that I’m still lucky I have one. But it’s really really tiring and giving me a lot of stress. I know they always say “be careful for what you wish for” and I’m really trying to be careful. I’ve been trying so hard not to give up. But it’s like I’ll burst one day. And before that happens, I so wanted to have something to look forward to before I leave that part of my world where proper sleep is really rare and family time isn’t included in the dictionary. I have taken that tiny step, of updating my passport to freedom. Hopefully, I’ll have the time especially the courage to try it one more time. I couldn’t say that this is my comfort zone because believe me it’s really far from that. I guess I’m staying because I have to. I’m not really complaining about the work and you know what it is if it’s not the work. I hope God is with me on this one. I have plan B but to put this into action will rock not just my world but also those around me. And this is that kind of plan that I’ll only do as a last resort.

On Books

From time to time, my obsession with collecting books, not just reading them, came running through my mind, making me spent endless hours in the bookstores or visit websites of my favourite authors or visit sites such as this one. I did listed some of them so I’ll know next which one to buy and which one to ditch – well, after reading the no of books I have in line which I have bought from last month’s book sale.

Source: Good Reads

Books that everyone should read at least once

I took out from the list in the website the books that least interests me. In yellow are the books I already owned and read sometime back. Remaining would be on my list of books to have.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee 
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
Animal Farm by George Orwell
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger 

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland / Through the ... by Lewis Carroll
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom 

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger 
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden 

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho 
The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks 

Matilda by Roald Dahl
Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman 

Atonement by Ian McEwan
Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer 

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway 

The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
Horton Hears a Who! by Dr. Seuss
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman 

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman 
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell
Inkheart by Cornelia Funke 

The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult 

Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr. Seuss
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
Sam's Letters to Jennifer by James Patterson
Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho 
Left Behind by Tim LaHaye
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman
American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Hunt for 1st and 2nd

I’m looking out for the 1st to Die and 2nd Chance book to complete my Women’s Murder Club series by James Patterson.  I’d prefer the one on sale hihihi. And there’s 2 new books, 8th Target and 9th Judgment that I have to wait for the paperback.

   
Next to complete is my Alex Cross collection. So many books, so little time!

Autumn

Autumn left me teary eyed. I don’t know from which part. Lately, everything has been too much. I want so many things. I’m chasing and looking outside my own crib. I don’t have enough at hand and I don’t think I do deserve any of it. Feeling down is just overrated. Then this book – it’s just, something. I would write something better about the book as soon as I finished Winter. I just have to pour a little water inside me so it won’t get flooded inside. I have to accept that change is part of everyone, of anything in this world. I’m way feeling too sentimental about something but even in my own blog I can’t just write it down. I hope when I’m done with Winter, my eyes won’t be blurry anymore so I can see the pictures clearly. The book is titled Have a Little Faith. I guess for me, I need more.

At some point in anyone’s life, we all need someone to turn to. Someone who wouldn’t laugh at our sentimental foolishness. Someone who would, for once, think of what was clouding our mind and what was that hint of sadness that’s filling up our eyes. Someone who would sit down with us and have a cup of coffee and start your conversation with “how are you” with a real concern. Someone who would by just one look they would know that something is bothering you and would take time to know it. I guess, I’m more looking for myself than for that someone.

 

I rant because I do get tired too. I get tired not because I’m not happy with the things I have in my hand now. I’m aching because… well, I’m human.

MITCH ALBOM in SG!

Some of you may know the guy behind the great inspiring novels like "Five People You Meet In Heaven", "For One More Day" especially the "Tuesdays with Morrie" and the new novel "Have a Little Faith". Well, he was here last night at Kinokuniya in Takashimaya. Ive been drooling for this day to come since I've learned that he'll be here for book signing last week. I never thought Id make it but I did. Cuz, Bebit and Priti Miyaw joined me as well. It was set at 7:30 pm but i took off from office at 6:45. I was surprised when cuz sms me that there's a queue no. I was practically running from the bus stop of orchard to takashimaya. Good thing she still managed to get me a queue no. I was trembling with much excitement. I was 19. Shes 10. Miyaws 20 and Bebit is 53. Looking around the room, i thought this wasnt advertised more but as minutes go by, even without mitch yet, the crowds are getting bigger. He was reasonably late for less than 30 minutes. When at 8pm, he finally emerges to the side, and boy I was so excited to see him! The room radiates with something that i cant fully describe. Ok, im a bit exaggerating. When he was in front, he apologized profusely for being late then he started telling everyone a story which I realized later on that that was already the "talk". Its just that when he talks you wont even know minutes passing by. You were too engrossed with what he was saying and hes not even using words that you cant understand. Everything is clear. I got teary eyed when he was telling the story behind the new book keep a little faith. It was trully an amazing experience. Come book signing, thats when the anticipation and excitement started to dragged us along. There was a long queue for the RSVP for the book signing on mitchs left side and on his right is another long queue for the COMMONERS. The RSVP took a long stretch of more than 1 hour to finish. We were a bit worried that his hands are really getting tired signing those books. But hes a good man. He still keep on smiling and answering the peoples questions eventhough we know hes already tired. I dont really know exactly how long weve waited since the waiting game became a bit easy with the girls around. We met an uncle on the queue and asked us if we can take his photo with mitch. He gave us his email address where we can send the photos and hes saying a lot of nice things about filipinos especially those in the healthcare business. Now i truly admire our fellow filipino nurses doing a very good job imprinting to this man a good impression. When it was our turn to have our book signed, I asked mitch to write my name and cheska when he did signed. I wanted to hug him and shake hands with him but shyness took over me. I was star struck! Its not because hes famous or something. I guess, mainly because I know deep down that hes a man full of wisdom and for someone like me to stand there and say something stupid or dumb, Id rather smile and let him signed my books. Oh yeah, by the way, I brought along all my 3 books and bought the new one so he can have it signed. I asked bunso to buy me the new book in manila since its a lot cheaper there but gave in into buying so he can have it signed. Imagine, 4 books signed by the author himself! Im so going to add it in my mini library plan complete with a glass case and perfect lighting and .... Ooopps, hello reality. Anyway, I guess Ill just add it to my collection at the moment and put it on top :) Me, very very very happy!

He looks a lot like Hugh Grant isn’t it? :D

My Sister's Keeper and Sunday's at Tiffany's

Finished "My Sister's Keeper" few weeks ago and the story was really really sad with no happy ending :( I'm now looking for the movie!

As for the "Sunday's at Tiffany's", what can I say, I'm so into James Patterson so it's really a page-turner. A must read for everyone :)

Now reading the Quickie also by James Patterson.

I managed to get few books from the book sale at carrefour hihihi.

Kate Who???

Allow me to brag, ok?

I was just so happy with dadi b’s anniversary gift to me – a Kate Spade bag! I can’t stop taking thousands of pictures of every angle of my new bag. I just so love it! By the way, we celebrated our 11th year anniversary last 25th January as boyfriend and girlfriend and it’s just amazing how we made it this far. I was having a really really really bad day that time and I so wanted to give up things but that’s another story, but dadi b insists on having a quick dinner in spite of my being late. We had dinner at TGIF –yes, it’s here in Singapore now for those who doesn’t know yet. It’s at the Heeren shop. Food is really great but I can’t feel the TGIF-ey feeling like the ambiance in Manila. Labyu dadi b. Thanks for everything. And of course, the one and only best thing that you’ve given me all throughout our years together, it’s baby Cheska. Bags made me happy but bebe cheeks brings me thousand fold bliss. Yay!

HAPPY 11th ANNIVERSARY DADI B! LABYU SO MUCH!